Changes...

Change is so hard but it's totally worth all the effort and struggle it takes to change. I'm such a creature of habit and often get stuck going to the same places, eating the same foods, and doing the same things over and over again because it's familiar and comfortable. We get so complacent in our routines and tend to live our lives on auto-pilot, not really thinking about what we do and what the consequences of our actions will be. It's just easier to keep doing what we're doing than to make the effort to change.

After melting off 90+ pounds, I feel like I finally shed my fat suit cocoon and I am just learning how to spread my wings and fly. Being so weighed down, stressed out and depressed affected almost everything I did. Even at my heaviest weight I was still pretty active but stress eating, emotional eating (no matter what emotion) and binging would negate any activity burn I would get. No amount of exercise is going to make up for regular binges of thousands of calories.

I've never paid much attention to horoscopes, numerology and other hippy-dippy cosmic theories but I downloaded an app on my phone and have been checking my horoscope lately just for sh*ts and giggles. It's been interesting to see how accurate it has reflected back what has been going on in my life lately.

Here's what I read yesterday:

Cancer Aug 7 2011
Native Americans find guidance in nature, with many trees and animals offering specific symbolism. If a butterfly were to begin to show up frequently in someone's life, for example, it might signify some kind of transformation. You are very close to the earth and its creatures, Moonchild. You can relate to this kind of spiritual sensitivity. Right now there's a recurring theme in your life. You've probably been wondering about its significance. Yes, it has meaning. If you interpret with your heart and your intuition, you will receive the wonderful message it is sending you.

As an adult, I've never gotten involved in any type of organized religion but I've always felt a spiritual connection especially when I am out enjoying and taking pictures of the beauty in nature. Hiking and ATVing through the deep woods, watching the seasons change, snowmobiling through the pristine snow covered trails, looking up at the milky way, wishing on shooting stars, being awed by the magnificence of the Aurora Borealis...it all makes me feel so small in the grand scheme of things but also connected to something so much bigger than me at the same time.

Not only did I receive a butterfly wing necklace for my birthday but I have been seeing butterflies flutter around me more than I ever have before. Is it some sort of sign? Is nature trying to tell me something?

I believe we are constantly being sent messages and it's only when we are able to turn down the noise of everything going on that we are able to hear the messages. Have you ever gotten a message through nature? Do you believe in signs? Are you willing to make a change?

Still the Same

I was out to dinner celebrating Father's Day recently and my step monster kept looking over at me saying "you look so different" over and over and over again. It was like she had never seen me thin before or didn't remember what I looked like when I was thin and didn't recognize this latest version of me.

When I look in the mirror I still see me. Thinner, yes; less bloated, yes; happier, yes - but it's still me. Same blue eyes, same hair, same smile, same pasty white skin, same heart, same mind, same soul, it's all still me. I'm still the same but so different too.

Having lost and gained significant amounts of weight over my lifetime I have been able to see firsthand how differently people treat you when you are obese versus "normal." It's almost as if the bigger I got the less they saw me. I was hiding right there in plain sight but it was like I was invisible to some people. I could point out a number of people who I believe have severe fat phobia and probably think fat is contagious because they barely spoke to me or gave me the time of day when I was at my heaviest but want to be best buddies now. Then there are those who are able to see through the exterior package to the inside because they have treated me the same no matter what size my pants, they see ME. I like to think I see people for who they really are, not what size they are.

If you lost or gained 100+ pounds do you think everyone would treat you the same? Would you treat yourself the same?

Small Change Challenge - Week 2

Right now I'm drinking a delicious Cup of Stanley instead of water because the BOSTON BRUINS won the STANLEY CUP!!! I don't remember the last time they brought the Stanley Cup to Boston since I was barely out of diapers then so it's very exciting. It was such a great series to watch and a good way to get your heart rate up without having to exercise or break a sweat. I'm looking forward to another celebratory parade here in Boston. I've been to all the other parades we've had for the Celtics, Red Sox and Patriots so this will be sweet. It's so much fun to be a sports fan in this town.

Ok, time to update my hydration status. I did a little better this week by getting those 100 ounces in THREE whole days. Again, I got at least 64 ounces in the other days but only finished off that third bottle a few times. Maybe by the time the challenge ends I'll have worked my way up to a whole week of 100 ounces.

I definitely notice how full I feel when I do get those 100 ounces down. There was a study that said people ate significantly less when they drank a glass of water at least 20 minutes before a meal. I believe it because with all that water sloshing around in my belly I feel full much quicker.

There is a downside to filling up on water though and that is the constant need to pee. I ran some errands after going to the gym yesterday and had to do the cross-legged pee-pee dance up the stairs and almost didn't make it without wetting myself. Speaking of wetting myself, another benefit I've noticed after losing 90+ pounds is that I don't leak when I sneeze or cough anymore. (Sorry, TMI?). Anyone else have/had that problem?

I've been trying to get as much water as possible down early in the day so I'm not up all night taking trips to the bathroom especially since I woke up the other night, stumbled to the bathroom and stubbed my toes on the door. Luckily I don't think I broke any of them but DAMN it hurt. It took a long time to get back to sleep with throbbing toes after swearing like a sailor. Ouch!

I'm looking forward to seeing how everyone else did with their Small Changes. Looks like I'm going to need to keep working on this one for the duration of the challenge. Just like my weight loss, it's a slow and steady process but every single small change adds up to something big.

Cheers!

Small Change Challenge - Week 1

Week One of the Small Change Challenge was a big ol' bust for me. I thought getting enough water would be one of the easiest of small changes to make but I guess sometimes the small changes are just as hard as the giant ones.

It's just water. What's so hard about staying hydrated? Just drink it, right? It's not like I have to walk a mile and pump it out of a well, I just have to go in the kitchen and turn on the faucet. Well, apparently there's more to it than that. It's not as easy as it looks, at least not for me.

I drink at least a 32 ounce bottle for every hour at the gym but the rest of the day is a struggle. I've been Diet Coke free for almost 3 years so I drink 8-10 ounces with my meals but other than that I'm not getting nearly enough.

Today was the first day all week I actually drank 100 ounces but only because it was so hot and humid ~ I really needed it. I always hated the heat and humidity but it's a little easier to deal with now that my thighs don't try to light on fire from all the friction.

Looks like I have to keep working on this small change until I get it down. It really shouldn't be so hard. I hope you're having more success with your small changes. I'll be checking in and cheering you on. I hope you're showing me how it's done. If you didn't join the challenge you can still make those small changes to add up to big results.

How much water do you drink? Do you get enough? Remember, hydrate or die.

Small Change Challenge

Call me crazy but I decided to join another challenge. I love the idea of making small changes because I'm all about slow and steady progress. I've lost weight quickly before but it came back on even more quickly and brought it's fat friends.

Even though I already committed to two other challenges I just couldn't resist joining Tami's Small Change Challenge. Small change adds up. Those weeks where I gained a couple of pounds or only lost .1 or .2 were frustrating but when I look at the bigger picture all those small changes added up to big results. It just takes time and a consistent effort.

I know we don't want to be patient, we don't want to wait, we want the weight off NOW but getting it off quickly doesn't mean it will stay off. If you don't learn how to live healthier you will most likely go back to your old habits once you reach your goal instead of maintaining a healthy lifestyle. I don't ever want to go back to 242 pounds.

I know I've changed. I feel it. I'm not the same person I was a year and a half ago. I still have work to do but I feel so much more capable of doing it now.

My one small change for this week is to increase my water intake. I know how important it is to stay hydrated but tend to forget to drink as much water as I should. I drink plenty while I'm working out but need to keep drinking throughout the day to get the recommended daily dose. I'm shooting for 100 ounces a day.

Ok, I'm going to fill up my water bottle now and keep filling it throughout the day until I get those 100 ounces down.

Big sweeping changes can be overwhelming and seem impossible but small changes are easy. What is one small change you can make today?

Change is Good, Right?

So much has happened over the past few days that has my mind spinning, my thoughts jumbled and I'm not sure which direction I'm headed or where I'll end up.

I'm giddy with excitement, happy, sad, mad, hurt, insulted, anxious and scared all at the same time. It's no secret to anyone that I hate my job and have been looking to leave for a long time, especially after getting reassigned a year ago and being forced into a position I knew wasn't going to work out.

Unfortunately, I can't seem to get my thoughts together right now to explain everything that's happened so, for now, I'm just going to say things are changing and I think I'll finally be getting out soon. It may get worse before it gets better but I'm sure it will be worth it.

Stay tuned.

Begging for Change

People who want to lose weight know they need to change the habits that made them fat. Change is hard and change is scary but it is inevitable. Everything changes. Change is good and we should stop trying to fight it.

We can't keep doing the same things, getting unsatisfactory long term results and repeating the process over and over. That's not change, that's going in circles. Most people who are successful in losing weight stop eating crappy chemical laden foods, watch less tv, eat real healthy fruits, vegetables and protein, and move their bodies regularly until they work up a good sweat and they commit to a different healthier lifestyle. If they are successful they change their bad habits with good and they change their lives.


This post is really about a different kind of change unrelated to weight loss but it shows that no matter how much we crave change and even beg for it but we have to be willing to accept it.



I was walking down the street during my lunch hour in downtown Boston last week when I noticed a nickel on the ground. I pick it up since in these tough financial times, every little bit helps, right? Before I put the found money in my pocket I notice a "homeless" guy I see all the time in the same spot standing there with his cup jingling. I've seen this guy for years and he has never been very nice whether I give him money or not but whatever. I drop the nickel in his cup with a smile and walked past only to hear a coin drop in front of me. I turned to my friend and asked "did that guy just throw the nickel at me?" WTF! Really? Was it not enough? Does he only accept quarters or dollars? Was he offended I picked it up and didn't add to it before giving it to him? I guess since he doesn't pay taxes he can afford to throw money away.



I think this experience just goes to prove that even if we are out there begging for change we have to be able to accept it when it is given to us.

Love and Fat

Do you think being in love makes you fat? Do we let ourselves get too comfortable in our relationships and give up taking care of ourselves? Do we only worry about our appearance when we are looking for love and give up once we find it. I wonder whether I would have gained so much weight if I had been single the past 25 years.

I know so many women who go on extreme diets, starve themselves and work out like maniacs to fit into their wedding dress and then they can't even squeeze into it when they get back from their honeymoon. They all look at their wedding pictures and wish they could get back to that unrealistic weight again.

Last week while B was away I ate healthy and didn't miss a single work out. The other thing I noticed was I didn't drink any Diet Coke even though I had plenty in stock. It makes me wonder why I'll sneak food when B is home but when I am by myself and can eat anything I want without having to hide it I don't.

Hmmm...it makes me think of a recent study about friends making you fat (sorry I'm too lazy to look up the link). It basically suggests that when you are around people who eat fast, you tend to eat fast. When we are surrounded by people who lead a sedentary life, we tend to do the same. If your friends and family are fat you are more likely to follow in their footsteps.

When B is drinking Diet Coke, I want to drink it too. When all my friends are partying and enjoying massive quantities of food and drink I want to be part of the party too. When there is a celebration I want to eat cake with everyone else.

Is it possible to make lasting changes if the people you surround yourself with don't make those changes too?

Let's Talk Turkey

I'm working so hard to make changes in my life. This is the first Thanksgiving I can remember that I wasn't a groaning miserable mess holding my stomach and complaining how much it hurt from all the food I succeeded in shoveling down my throat in record time, lying on a sofa in a tryptophan coma watching football. I was awake and alert and didn't even need to unbutton my pants. How is that for change?

I filled my plate with lots of the healthy vegetables and tried to stay away from the fried appetizers, stuffing, smashed potatoes and sweets. I had very small portions of the stuff I love but didn't overdo it and didn't go back for seconds which is a vast improvement over previous years.

I think it is easier to socialize without overeating when you have healthy options available. I'm not one to be packing snacks in my purse but I just tried to fill up on the healthier stuff, drink lots of water and try to focus on the company and not the food.

The strangest thing is I actually kept the 3 pounds I lost last week off. I usually gain it back over the weekend but I didn't this week. I didn't eat any differently over the weekend so I'm not sure what that is all about. My body is just so messed up from years of dieting that I can work out like a maniac, eat rabbit food and gain but when I have a week with a holiday meal including bread, stuffing, potatoes, cake and pie I lose. There is no logic to the magic of weight loss. It really is a crap shoot.