Am I the only one that cries like a baby during every single episode of The Biggest Loser. I used to think it was because I was so stressed out at work and my emotions were always so raw on the surface but I'm not dealing with that stress anymore and I'm still balling my eyes out every Tuesday night.
I still have a love/hate relationship with The Biggest Loser but look forward to watching it every week.
It may take me longer than the tv season but I know I will be a BIG loser too.
Am I the only one who needs to stock up on tissues before watching The Biggest Loser?
Showing posts with label emotional. Show all posts
Showing posts with label emotional. Show all posts
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Facial Expressions
I never realized how many facial expressions I use when talking until I smashed my face. It hurts a bit every time I raise my eyebrows and I can't seem to stop myself from doing it. Maybe this is a good excuse to look into botox. As much as I would love to get rid of the wrinkles I don't think I'd want to permanently give up my expressions.
Would you or have you had or considered botox?
Friday, September 25, 2009
Out of Control
I feel so out of control and unable to get a handle on my weight, well, I can get ahold of some serious love handles but that is the problem. I've been trying to work through all the emotional baggage I've been carrying around for most of my life, trying to figure out why I keep doing this to myself, why I need to stuff down my emotions with food instead of feeling them, why the food seems to be more important than my desire to lose weight. I'm wondering if I will ever really figure it out.
I'm so tired of fighting this fight and not making any progress. I'm beat down by the compulsive eating and binge episodes and the despondency I feel after I do it. I'm sick of not being able to wear 90% of the clothes in my closet. I'm desperate to change my life and feel good about myself again. I feel like I've hit rock bottom and have been living at rock bottom for years now.
I can't take it anymore. It's time to pull myself up, stop making excuses, stop stuffing my emotions with food and start making changes. It's obvious I need to change my ways if I want to get this weight off. The only good thing about being at rock bottom is there is nowhere to go but up.
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
I Want It NOW!
I'm so sick and tired of it all. I want to throw my scale out the window and watch it smash into a a thousand little pieces. I'm frustrated that one slip up in my diet negates a week's worth of hard work. If being fat is so unhealthy, why do our bodies fight so hard to keep it?
I want to eat what I want in reasonable portions. I want to stop the binge monster that forces food down my throat until I feel sick. I want to feel good about myself. I want to like what I see in the mirror. I want to be able to wear all the clothes that are bursting out of my closet. I want to stop the crazy thoughts in my head. I don't want to fight this fight every waking moment of every single day. I want to stop whining about my weight and get it under control already.
WHAAAAAA! I sound like the spoiled brat, Veruca. I want it and I want it NOW!
Thanks for coming to my pity party. Hopefully I'll have something positive to post soon.
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
One of THOSE days ....
I thought my day couldn't get any worse after I realized I lost my T-pass (train/ bus prepaid monthly pass) and MP3 player ... boy, was I wrong.
I left for work a few minutes late and as I was running for the bus I realized I didn't have my T-pass that I keep in a badge holder along with my MP3 player so I let the bus pass and ran back up (3 flights of stairs) to my apartment to look for it. I looked everywhere, dumped my bag on the kitchen table and searched every pocket I had on yesterday - no luck. So now I was out $59 for the pass and $?? for the music and player.
With that stellar start I just knew it was going to be one of those days. I had no idea how much worse it was going to get. The ax came down at work and the pink slips went flying around. I still have a job but will be working for different people (who I don't particularly like) instead of the two great guys I work for now. Two of my good friends and another woman who I don't know very well got "laid off" due to "restructuring." Both of my good friends have worked for the firm 10+ years and one of them is a single mother. It isn't bad enough that they laid them off but they gave them absolutely no notice and only 4 weeks severance.
I realize these are tough economic times but how can you do that to someone after 10 years ... tell them at 3:00 to pack their bags and be out by 5:00. We all got 10 year bonuses just months ago.
My head hurts. I am so irritated and frustrated because I am unable to control my emotions when having tough conversations with my boss (or anyone). I am extremely sensitive (always have been) to the point where my eyes start tearing up and my throat constricts to the point I can't even speak. There are times I want to scream and yell but can't seem to keep it together long enough to do that and just cry like a baby instead. WTF!! I'm over 40 years old and I still haven't learned how to control my emotions enough to have a difficult conversation. I'm continually rendered moot by my sensitivity and raw emotions. I hate that. Anyone have any suggestions on how to stop the blubbering like an idiot? It is ridiculous.
I have a feeling we haven't seen the end to the cuts and changes. I almost wish they had laid me off instead because that would have given me the kick in the *ss to get the hell out of there and find another job. I think I will be actively looking now because I am not happy at all about my new position.
I did some research on-line and there isn't much out there for me. I'm on the edge just waiting for one of the heartless bastards to push me over. UGGHH!!!
I left for work a few minutes late and as I was running for the bus I realized I didn't have my T-pass that I keep in a badge holder along with my MP3 player so I let the bus pass and ran back up (3 flights of stairs) to my apartment to look for it. I looked everywhere, dumped my bag on the kitchen table and searched every pocket I had on yesterday - no luck. So now I was out $59 for the pass and $?? for the music and player.
With that stellar start I just knew it was going to be one of those days. I had no idea how much worse it was going to get. The ax came down at work and the pink slips went flying around. I still have a job but will be working for different people (who I don't particularly like) instead of the two great guys I work for now. Two of my good friends and another woman who I don't know very well got "laid off" due to "restructuring." Both of my good friends have worked for the firm 10+ years and one of them is a single mother. It isn't bad enough that they laid them off but they gave them absolutely no notice and only 4 weeks severance.
I realize these are tough economic times but how can you do that to someone after 10 years ... tell them at 3:00 to pack their bags and be out by 5:00. We all got 10 year bonuses just months ago.
My head hurts. I am so irritated and frustrated because I am unable to control my emotions when having tough conversations with my boss (or anyone). I am extremely sensitive (always have been) to the point where my eyes start tearing up and my throat constricts to the point I can't even speak. There are times I want to scream and yell but can't seem to keep it together long enough to do that and just cry like a baby instead. WTF!! I'm over 40 years old and I still haven't learned how to control my emotions enough to have a difficult conversation. I'm continually rendered moot by my sensitivity and raw emotions. I hate that. Anyone have any suggestions on how to stop the blubbering like an idiot? It is ridiculous.
I have a feeling we haven't seen the end to the cuts and changes. I almost wish they had laid me off instead because that would have given me the kick in the *ss to get the hell out of there and find another job. I think I will be actively looking now because I am not happy at all about my new position.
I did some research on-line and there isn't much out there for me. I'm on the edge just waiting for one of the heartless bastards to push me over. UGGHH!!!
Sunday, March 2, 2008
Big Girls Don't Cry
But I do. I can't seem to stop the tears once they start no matter how much I want to be strong, tough, thick skinned and assertive. Ever since I was a little girl I have always been overly sensitive and the tears will flow over the smallest things. Even when I'm mad as hell and want to fight and yell, which I do on occasion, I usually end up crying and can't seem to figure out how the hell to prevent it or stop the tears and toughen up. I hate to let people see me cry but I just can't control it. I need to figure out how to toughen up and shield myself with thicker skin and not these layers of fat. Am I trying to insulate myself? I need to find a way to control my emotions and the flood of tears so I don't feel like a blubbering idiot all the time. I'm 40 years old but still cry like a baby.
I have been trying to do some soul searching so I can find the reason behind the weight. What is keeping me fat? What is it that I keep trying to stuff down my throat? Why can't I find a way to let it all out and get control of my emotions? Why do I feel so out of control and taken advantage of in many situations? People keep telling me it doesn't pay to be nice, I shouldn't be so generous, I should just look out for myself but that doesn't seem right to me. I want to have control of my emotions and not feel like the dam is ready to burst at the drop of a hat, spilled milk or whatever trivial thing that sets me off.
I wonder if everything always has to go back to development and childhood years? I don't think I need to sit on a couch and tell a stranger about my mother and father? I'm sure I could entertain them with some crazy stories - at least the ones I actually remember - and could do my part to help them pay for a fancy new car or vacation home. I know I would never be able to get any closure because the few times I've brought up certain things to my mother she'll insist it never happened and I don't know what I'm talking about. I can be absolutely sure of some of my memories because my brother has the same ones but she'll tell us we don't know what we're talking about and will say "that never happened."
She has convinced herself that we had a perfect childhood and I don't think she can admit to some of things she did. I realize she was raising two kids by herself but it wouldn't hurt to admit that she wasn't always the perfect mother and we certainly did not have a perfect childhood.
I'm starting to think that the reason why I never wanted to have kids is because I didn't want to mess them up. I had a pretty messed up childhood and blocked out so many events. Do I really need to dig all that stuff up to get healthy? I remember reading a passage in Mitch Albom's book the Five People You Meet in Heaven that makes me wonder if I'll ever be able to put all the pieces back together.
He wrote:
*****
Clarification/Update: I'm not talking about depression although life certainly gets me down sometimes and every woman knows that there are certain times when the moon is right we are more sensitive than others. I'm talking about getting overly emotional in everyday life. I can be feeling fine and having a great day and then tear up over an unintentional comment or thoughtless remark. I just feel as if my emotions are always so raw and right on the surface for everyone to see. I can't seem to hide the fact that I'm upset and when I allow people see how much they get to me it is so frustrating.
I want to be able to get mad and fight without all the waterworks. I want to be able to have an argument or express my emotions without the river of tears. I caught the end of Dirty Dancing this afternoon and starting bawling from the time Johnny came in and said "Nobody puts Baby in a corner," all the way through 'til the end of the movie. I can't even watch a stupid sappy 80's movie without making my make-up run.
I have been trying to do some soul searching so I can find the reason behind the weight. What is keeping me fat? What is it that I keep trying to stuff down my throat? Why can't I find a way to let it all out and get control of my emotions? Why do I feel so out of control and taken advantage of in many situations? People keep telling me it doesn't pay to be nice, I shouldn't be so generous, I should just look out for myself but that doesn't seem right to me. I want to have control of my emotions and not feel like the dam is ready to burst at the drop of a hat, spilled milk or whatever trivial thing that sets me off.
I wonder if everything always has to go back to development and childhood years? I don't think I need to sit on a couch and tell a stranger about my mother and father? I'm sure I could entertain them with some crazy stories - at least the ones I actually remember - and could do my part to help them pay for a fancy new car or vacation home. I know I would never be able to get any closure because the few times I've brought up certain things to my mother she'll insist it never happened and I don't know what I'm talking about. I can be absolutely sure of some of my memories because my brother has the same ones but she'll tell us we don't know what we're talking about and will say "that never happened."
She has convinced herself that we had a perfect childhood and I don't think she can admit to some of things she did. I realize she was raising two kids by herself but it wouldn't hurt to admit that she wasn't always the perfect mother and we certainly did not have a perfect childhood.
I'm starting to think that the reason why I never wanted to have kids is because I didn't want to mess them up. I had a pretty messed up childhood and blocked out so many events. Do I really need to dig all that stuff up to get healthy? I remember reading a passage in Mitch Albom's book the Five People You Meet in Heaven that makes me wonder if I'll ever be able to put all the pieces back together.
He wrote:
Will I ever be able to get control of my emotions or am I shattered beyond repair?All parents damage their children. It cannot be helped. Youth, like pristine
glass, absorbs the prints of its handlers. Some parents smudge, others
crack, a few shatter childhoods completely into jagged little pieces, beyond
repair.
*****
Clarification/Update: I'm not talking about depression although life certainly gets me down sometimes and every woman knows that there are certain times when the moon is right we are more sensitive than others. I'm talking about getting overly emotional in everyday life. I can be feeling fine and having a great day and then tear up over an unintentional comment or thoughtless remark. I just feel as if my emotions are always so raw and right on the surface for everyone to see. I can't seem to hide the fact that I'm upset and when I allow people see how much they get to me it is so frustrating.
I want to be able to get mad and fight without all the waterworks. I want to be able to have an argument or express my emotions without the river of tears. I caught the end of Dirty Dancing this afternoon and starting bawling from the time Johnny came in and said "Nobody puts Baby in a corner," all the way through 'til the end of the movie. I can't even watch a stupid sappy 80's movie without making my make-up run.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
