Captain's Log - Day 2 - Home Base Isolation

I can't completely wrap my head around the enormity of what is happening in the world right now. It is just so surreal. It's like an eerie episode of the Twilight Zone or a Stephen King novel. How are we going to survive this? I just read a headline that the United States expects an 18 month long pandemic with mass shortages. I didn't click to read the article because I just can't take anymore horrifying news at the moment. If I slide down that rabbit hole I may never get myself back out of it.

Working from home again today was a little easier although I am frustrated that everything seems to be taking so much longer to accomplish. I'm just not set up to work efficiently but I'm going to figure out what I need to do it because it sounds like I'll be doing it for the foreseeable future.

I barely got any sleep last night. I was up past 2am, woke up around 4am and got out of bed at 6am which is earlier than I get up when I have to get ready and commute to work instead of grabbing a cup of coffee and walking in the next room. I do enjoy the easy commute and not having to wear a bra so I guess that's a bit of a gray lining - I don't think it lives up to silver status but it's something.

B went out to Stop and Shop first thing this morning to try to get some essentials. They had a small supply of toilet paper but not much else that we really needed. He walked in as soon as the doors opened and went past a guy who was filling a carriage full of single rolls of toilet paper. He walked past him and picked up a 20 pack and left. The guy just looked at him as if questioning that it could be that easy. Is this what it's come down to? If and when life gets back to (our new) normal, are we going to have quarantined shelters stockpiled with toilet paper? I just don't get it. I've offered to deliver it to friends in the area who may not have been able to get any but everyone seems to have gotten enough for now.

After being home for the past few days we were starting to go a little stir crazy so we took a drive down the beach on my lunch hour. There were crews of men working on a construction project and tons of people out on the beach like it was a summer day although most were in pairs or what looked like groups of families. The sun was shining and it was chilly but nobody seemed to mind the cold. I loved it. It felt so good to get out and get some vitamin D and some brisk fresh air before heading back to my new home office.

I can honestly say the year 2020 sucks! Not only has the corona virus shut down life as we know it but then Tom Brady announced he is leaving the New England Patriots - on St. Patrick's Day of all days. If you know me at all then you know how much this breaks my heart. I absolutely adore him. He gave us so much joy for the past 20 years and I just can't imagine him in another uniform playing for another team. It's just not right but it looks like TB12 will be playing in TB next season. How the hell did that happen? The world just doesn't make sense anymore. Of course, that assumes that they will be able to play football come September. It was a great 20 year run and I am thankful he provided so much joy in my football loving heart. I wish it were the only thing I were sad about and it almost seems trivial to even care about a stupid game but I love football. I remember being a Patriots fan when we were just excited to win a game let alone make it to the playoffs. I love Tom Brady and will root for him to win as long as he is not playing my Patriots. I'll always be loyal to my team, even if it is against my love, Tom. I wish him well and thank him for all the good times, comebacks, incredible plays and parades. I've been to all of them.

It's a sad, sad world we're living in and I wish I knew how we are going to make it through to the other side. I have checked in on people I haven't talked to in a while. I've called and asked people if they needed anything. I want to help but I don't know what to do other than to stay isolated and do what I can to prevent myself, my guy, or anyone else from getting sick. B is still recovering from prostate cancer and was scheduled to start radiation tomorrow but that has been postponed. Not only because of the pandemic but some health insurance bullsh!t. I honestly have very little confidence in our healthcare system. I have confidence in the doctors and nurses who work hard to heal their patients but it's the insurance companies that will be the death of us all.

I'm so sorry to come back to blogging and be such a downer but there really isn't much to be happy about but I'm trying to stay positive. I've been sending good morning emails to my coworkers every day offering help if they need it, give them little words of encouragement, silly bitmoji pictures to make them smile and a reminder that our mental health is just as important as our physical health. I'm trying to find the silver lining but it's not easy to spot. I'm thankful I live in a safe house with someone I love and we have what we need to survive but who knows how long that will last.

These are uncertain times when we just need to take care of each other and pray we make it through. How are you handling all of this? Are you freaking out as much as I am or are you thinking it's not a big deal? Please, please, please try to understand it is a very big deal and you could be the one who saves many by doing your part to keep from spreading it down the line. Please take it deadly serious, because it is, and stay safe my friends.

Peace ☮ and Love 💔

Fat Talk Free Week ...

Head on over to Size Ate and read all about it.

It sounds like a great idea to me. I'm sick of listening to myself. I'm going to spend the week thinking and talking about HEALTH not F*T. *crickets*

Priorities ....

It's amazing how quickly your priorities change when you get hit with a serious crisis. Right now I could care less about the bullsh*t at work, I haven't stepped on the scale in weeks, I haven't thought about meal plans and workouts and I'm not worrying about the laundry piling up. None of that crap is important right now. My thoughts are totally focused on B and I'm praying he starts feeling better soon. The doctors told him he will be in the hospital for at least another couple of weeks if not longer. He is taking a staggering amount of medication and having painful procedures almost every single day. I just wish there was something I could do to make him feel better. Loving him with all my heart doesn't seem to be cutting it.

Not on Mt. Washington

We missed today's annual ATV ride up Mt. Washington. B and I had been looking forward to this ride since I took this picture last year but sadly we were stuck on a roller coaster ride from hell and now have to wait 'til next year to get up on the mountain again with the ATVs.

B had been in and out of the hospital for the past three weeks where they kept pushing him out with medications and antibiotics and a diagnosis for sinus headaches, then migraines, then maybe they thought it was cluster headaches. B and I knew it couldn't be just a headache. Could a sinus infection (sinusitis) be that bad? He kept getting worse and worse and they kept sending him back home. The last time they discharged him we were arguing with the doctors because he couldn't eat or drink and wasn't able to keep his medication down so how was it supposed to work and make him better if it didn't stay in his system more than 20 minutes?

When I got home from work last Thursday B was out of it, slurring his words, talking nonsense, babbling incoherently, I thought he was having a stroke. I rushed him back to the ER where they started going through the same routine as the last 5 times when they FINALLY agreed to do a lumbar puncture ("spinal tap"). Every time he went to the hospital over the past three weeks they would ask if he ever had this procedure but then they would say they didn't think it was necessary.

Come to find out, it was absolutely critical to make the correct diagnosis of B's severe headaches, nausea, stiff neck, etc. After three F'N weeks of suffering they finally figured out that he has meningitis. Initially they didn't know what type he had so they go on the assumption it's contagious so everyone had to wear masks and gloves. They suggested that anyone having close contact be tested and put such a scare into us about all the things that could happen, the worst being coma and/or death. To say I was a mess is a pathetic understatement. I was hysterical.

I'm so exhausted from being at the hospital and watching B suffer for so long. Then, of course, I started getting getting paranoid about every little ache and pain thinking I must have caught it too by kissing, drinking from the same cups, and being in close contact with him. They wanted me to have blood work done so they could check if I needed to have a lumbar puncture too. UUUUGHHH!

After doing another spinal tap Friday morning, they decided to transfer him to another hospital. B is now at a top notch facility where they have a team of meningitis specialists on staff and I think he is now finally getting proper treatment. Thankfully he is being seen by numerous neurologists and infectious disease specialists who seem to know what they are doing. It's about time.

They determined he has viral meningitis and also, the rarest form, fungal meningitis. Unfortunately, he keeps having to have the lumbar punctures which are painful but necessary to drain the fluid build up to take the pressure off his brain and optic nerves. They assured us he wasn't contagious and there was no need for me to be tested. There are nurses, doctors and specialists in and out of his room all day and night and they are taking good care of him but he is still in pain and has ups and downs but he's a tough guy, he'll get through it and we'll be able to get to the top of the mountain someday soon although we'll have to wait a year to go up on the ATVs.

Meningitis is such a serious illness that can have devastating consequences. We are very lucky he is going to be ok especially since the doctors dicked us around for three weeks. It heart breaking to watch him suffer but I know he'll pull through and we'll be able to go back to our same old boring routines. That day cannot come quick enough for me.

This is one summer I'm going to want to forget. I hope you are enjoying yours. Be thankful for those lazy, hazy days of summer as long as everyone is healthy.

Money Can't Buy Happiness ....

I'm not sure if that saying is true but I'm quite sure even if money can't buy happiness it can buy quality health care. I've spent a night in one of the best hospitals in the country and witnessed B receive the absolute worst care there. By law they cannot refuse anyone but they just do what they have to do and push you out the door if you don't have adequate insurance.

Every resident of Massachusetts is now required to have health insurance or they penalize you by reducing your tax refund or not being eligible for the stimulus package this year. Since B is unemployed he signed up to receive health insurance through a network health system but he doesn't pay anything so the doctors and hospitals don't get enough money for his care so they basically just push him away.

B hasn't been able to eat or sleep and can't keep any of the medications down because every time he takes it he just brings it right back up. I don't understand how he can be on antibiotics for over a week and not feel the slightest bit better.

We spent Saturday night in the ER at one hospital and Sunday night at another and he still isn't feeling any better. They refuse to admit him again because of his crappy insurance. It is breaking my heart to see him in so much pain. It is such a disgrace that our country can turn people away from quality health care because they are struggling financially and weren't lucky enough to be born with a trust fund.

I've had about 5 hours of sleep all weekend and now have to get ready to go to work and leave my patient to fend for himself all day. I'm so exhausted. I'm hoping to be able to work through my lunch so I can leave early to get back home. I'm going to go check my lottery ticket, maybe if I hit big I could buy some good health care.