Greed and Gluttony

Ahhhh...sinners have so much more fun, don't they? We covered at least three of the 7 deadly sins today - envy, greed and gluttony.

B and I decided to stay home this weekend instead of going up north since the snowmobile trails are either closed, barely covered or iced over from the warm temperatures and tons of rain. I hope we get some good snow soon so we can salvage the riding season. Too bad all that snow slamming the south couldn't make it's way up to the mountains of Vermont.

To cheer ourselves up we decided to pay some restitution to the Native Americans and make a deposit down at Foxwoods. It must have been the full moon messing with my mind for me to think it was a good idea to throw some money away. I'm still not even getting my unemployment checks but why should that stop me from donating some money to the Indians. We went down hard and fast at the blackjack table but we had a good time and didn't lose too much.

Our friend came down and met us at the casino and after trying a few pulls on the slot machines we headed to Mystic Pizza for a big greasy lunch. I got a turkey sandwich but had some very greasy onion rings, a small sliver of pizza, and french fries. I overdid it for sure.

We hadn't seen our friend since the end of November so we got to exchange Christmas presents which is always fun no matter what the date on the calendar. My friend makes us the most delicious homemade Christmas cookies every year and she had a big batch waiting in the deep freeze for us for over a month. It didn't matter that the cookies have been frozen though because they were just as good as if they were freshly baked. I'm so stuffed but keep breaking off a little piece of cookie here and a little piece there. It really is a sickness when you can't stop eating when you are bursting.

I feel pretty gross right now and almost wish I could make myself throw up. I think lots of people who have a binge eating disorder wish they could be bulimic, at least we'd be able to get rid of that full, bloated feeling and not have so much evidence of our binges hanging off our bodies. I had way too much junk today and feel absolutely disgusting. My stomach is ready to explode and I have a slight headache from all the sugar.

It's funny how quickly our bodies get used to eating healthy foods and when we slip up and go back to eating crap we feel disgusting but we still tend to crave the junk food no matter how gross it makes us feel. Why is that?

I'm going to have to do double time at the gym this week to make up for this one day of excess but it was worth it.

Say What?

UGGHH! I had to go to the unemployment office first thing this morning to try and find out why I haven't gotten paid. Apparently my former torturers didn't respond to unemployment timely so my benefits were suspended. Those miserable b*st*rds are still screwing me and I haven't worked there in over 2 months. I was stressed out just thinking about those jerks and how they still have the power to piss me off and stress me out. Luckily there's little chance my in-laws will throw us out on the street for paying the rent late but I have bills to pay. Let's hope they show me the money soon.

Anyway, moving on to the point of my post. After wasting time at the unemployment office I went right to the gym and called B on my way in to tell him what happened. He said "knowing you, you're probably at the gym." I said "who are you talking to?" "since when am I the person that's probably at the gym?"

After I kicked my own a$$ sweating out 35 minutes on the elliptical, a 20 minute weight circuit, 40 minutes back on the elliptical and 40 minutes on the treadmill (a record amount of time at the gym today), I was walking out and the girl behind the counter said "see you tomorrow." I guess that means I'm a regular now that the gym staff expects to see me there every day.

Who would have thought I'd be hearing people say such things?

Thematic Photographic 85 - I'm Hungry

This week's Thematic Photographic theme is "I'm Hungry."

I took this picture over three years ago but I'm not sure if I even felt true hunger back then because I was constantly eating. I never gave my body time to get hungry because I was constantly stuffing fattening food down my throat. I was so disgusted just looking at the evidence in the trash so I took this picture to remind myself how awful I felt after eating that crap. That day I vowed to stop the out of control eating and get healthy, lose the weight and (FINALLY) keep it off.

Over the past 20 years I've been on almost every diet out there except for the really crazy no food diets because that's just not possible for me. The biggest lesson I've learned from all those diets is that you can lose weight with any diet but if you don't learn how to eat right you will have an endless ride on the weight loss roller coaster. I know women who go to WW but instead of learning how to eat right they starve themselves all day so they can drink beer at night. How crazy is that?

I'm learning to feel hunger again and know that I will not starve to death before my next meal. I'm hungry for a healthy life. What are you hungry for?

Carmi at Written Inc. is our Thematic Photographic leader. If you want to learn how to play along, click here for the details.

Well Read?

Everyone keeps asking me whether I have/want one of those electronic book readers like the Kindle or Sony reader because I'm always reading something and can spend hours in the bookstore but I have absolutely no desire for one of those electronic things. I love getting a new book, cracking the spine and turning the pages the old fashion way. Would you want an electronic book reader?

The BBC believes most people will have only read 6 of the 100 books here. How do your reading habits stack up?

Instructions: Copy this list and bold or put an ‘X’ after those you have read and then leave a link in the comments.

1 Pride and Prejudice – Jane Austen X
2 The Lord of the Rings – JRR Tolkien X*
3 Jane Eyre – Charlotte Bronte X
4 Harry Potter series – JK Rowling X
5 To Kill a Mockingbird – Harper Lee
6 The Bible X
7 Wuthering Heights – Emily Bronte X
8 Nineteen Eighty Four – George Orwell X
9 His Dark Materials – Philip Pullman
10 Great Expectations – Charles Dickens X
11 Little Women – Louisa M Alcott X
12 Tess of the D’Urbervilles – Thomas Hardy
13 Catch 22 – Joseph Heller X
14 Complete Works of Shakespeare
15 Rebecca – Daphne Du Maurier
16 The Hobbit – JRR Tolkien X
17 Birdsong – Sebastian Faulk
18 Catcher in the Rye – JD Salinger X
19 The Time Traveler’s Wife – Audrey Niffenegger X
20 Middlemarch – George Eliot X*
21 Gone With The Wind – Margaret Mitchell X
22 The Great Gatsby – F Scott Fitzgerald X
23 Bleak House – Charles Dickens
24 War and Peace – Leo Tolstoy
25 The Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy – Douglas Adams
26 Brideshead Revisited – Evelyn Waugh
27 Crime and Punishment – Fyodor Dostoyevsky
28 Grapes of Wrath – John Steinbeck
29 Alice in Wonderland – Lewis Carroll X
30 The Wind in the Willows – Kenneth Grahame
31 Anna Karenina – Leo Tolstoy
32 David Copperfield – Charles Dickens
33 Chronicles of Narnia – CS Lewis
34 Emma-Jane Austen
35 Persuasion – Jane Austen
36 The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe – CS Lewis
37 The Kite Runner – Khaled Hossein X
38 Captain Corelli’s Mandolin – Louis De Bernieres
39 Memoirs of a Geisha – Arthur Golden X
40 Winnie the Pooh – AA Milne X
41 Animal Farm – George Orwell X
42 The Da Vinci Code – Dan Brown X
43 One Hundred Years of Solitude – Gabriel Garcia Marquez X
44 A Prayer for Owen Meaney – John Irving X
45 The Woman in White – Wilkie Collins
46 Anne of Green Gables – LM Montgomery
47 Far From The Madding Crowd – Thomas Hardy
48 The Handmaid’s Tale – Margaret Atwood
49 Lord of the Flies – William Golding
50 Atonement – Ian McEwan
51 Life of Pi – Yann Martel X
52 Dune – Frank Herbert
53 Cold Comfort Farm – Stella Gibbons
54 Sense and Sensibility – Jane Austen X
55 A Suitable Boy – Vikram Seth
56 The Shadow of the Wind – Carlos Ruiz Zafon
57 A Tale Of Two Cities – Charles Dickens X
58 Brave New World – Aldous Huxley
59 The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night – Mark Haddon X
60 Love In The Time Of Cholera – Gabriel Garcia Marquez
61 Of Mice and Men – John Steinbeck
62 Lolita – Vladimir Nabokov
63 The Secret History – Donna Tartt
64 The Lovely Bones – Alice Sebold X
65 Count of Monte Cristo – Alexandre Dumas
66 On The Road – Jack Kerouac X
67 Jude the Obscure – Thomas Hardy
68 Bridget Jones’s Diary – Helen Fielding X
69 Midnight’s Children – Salman Rushdie
70 Moby Dick – Herman Melville
71 Oliver Twist – Charles Dickens X
72 Dracula – Bram Stoker
73 The Secret Garden – Frances Hodgson Burnett
74 Notes From A Small Island – Bill Bryson
75 Ulysses – James Joyce
76 The Inferno – Dante
77 Swallows and Amazons – Arthur Ransome
78 Germinal – Emile Zola
79 Vanity Fair – William Makepeace Thackeray
80 Possession – AS Byatt
81 A Christmas Carol – Charles Dickens X
82 Cloud Atlas – David Mitchell
83 The Color Purple – Alice Walker X
84 The Remains of the Day – Kazuo Ishiguro
85 Madame Bovary – Gustave Flaubert X*
86 A Fine Balance – Rohinton Mistry
87 Charlotte’s Web – EB White X
88 The Five People You Meet In Heaven – Mitch Albom X
89 Adventures of Sherlock Holmes – Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
90 The Faraway Tree Collection – Enid Blyton
91 Heart of Darkness – Joseph Conrad
92 The Little Prince – Antoine De Saint-Exupery
93 The Wasp Factory – Iain Banks
94 Watership Down – Richard Adams
96 A Town Like Alice – Nevil Shute
97 The Three Musketeers – Alexandre Dumas
98 Hamlet – William Shakespeare X
99 Charlie and the Chocolate Factory – Roald Dahl X
100 Les Miserables – Victor Hugo

*never finished

I am an avid reader so I thought I would do better than 39 out of the 100. It's more than the 6 average but not as good as I expected. Some of these books I have absolutely no interest in reading and others I'm going to make a special trip to the bookstore to find out what I've been missing. I'm always looking for a good book to sink my teeth into.

I'm surprised a couple of my favorites didn't make the list so I thought I would add a few more bonus books of my own:

101 Atlas Shrugged - Ayn Rand X
102 The Book Thief - Markus Zusak X
103 East of Eden - John Steinbeck X
104 Crimson Petal and the White - Michael Faber X

You can check out my complete bookshelf here.

How many of the 100 books have you read? More than 6? Did your favorite book make the list?

Get Moving

Just in case you haven't already read the most recent post over at *Bitch Cakes*about how exercising and being active changed her life, I wanted to tell you to get moving and go read it here.

Excellent post, huh? I especially love these words:

"...people may assume it's the weight loss that has changed my life, I give the activity far more credit for the new person I have become. My changes are less about "the number on the scale" or the size of my clothes, they are about how *I* changed - from the inside out. I finally feel GREAT. I finally realize that I'm pretty awesome. I am finally HAPPY. And that's all because of exercise...You'll see results when you see results...life is forever...being healthy should be your focus forever. So who cares how long it takes?"

Brilliant, right?

Of course I'd like to be thin and healthy right now (actually yesterday, no, twenty years ago) but I'm learning to just trust the process and not be so hung up on the numbers on the scale. One day it may be up and the next day it may be down but the trick is to be consistent with the exercise and healthy eating.

Could this be the missing link I've been looking for? I'm doing my best to keep my focus on being active and eating healthy. It's time I stop agonizing over how slow and how much weight I need to lose and trust the process. It WILL happen.

It's not a race, it's life. Live it to the fullest and get moving.

Biggest Loser Interrupted

I am so upset with my local NBC station right now. I realize Ted Kennedy's replacement will have a big impact on the future of the nation but if I wanted to watch Ayla Brown sing and listen to political drivel I would tune in to CNN or some other all news all the time broadcast.

I missed a good 15 minutes of the Biggest Loser before they finally cut back to the show and then they cut in again with "Breaking News" before I got to see what the eliminated contestant looked like. What the !@#$%^? I hate when they do sh*t like that. They had the ticker running down at the bottom of the screen showing the results so why did they feel the need to interrupt the scheduled program with "Breaking News?"

I've never had much faith in the political leaders of our country and I don't like to talk politics or push my political views on anyone so I will only say that no matter what side of the political fence you are on, the voters have decided to continue the trend they started with Obama and voted for a change. It looks like Massachusetts will have a Republican in the Senate seat for the first time in nearly half a century. I have never seen anyone other than Ted Kennedy sit in that seat and push the Democrat agenda. Scott Brown may single-handedly be able to block the president's health care legislation and the rest of his agenda. Democrats pushed hard for Martha Coakley to win to be able to thwart Republican filibusters and now they must be scrambling to figure out how to push things through quickly before Brown is able to vote it down. I have a feeling things are going to get even uglier in Washington.

I wish there was a way to run a country without politicians. There has got to be a better way but we haven't found one yet. I'm happy I won't have to watch or listen to negative political campaign commercials every five seconds but I'm not sure how I feel about the health of our nation.

One thing is for sure, the times they are a changin' ...

Back to our regularly scheduled programming.

I Have A Dream

On August 28, 1963, Martin Luther King, Jr. gave the historic "I Have a Dream" speech. I like to listen to it every year on this day to remind myself of how far we have come and have far we have to go. No matter what your skin color is we all have dreams. I hope all of your dreams come true.

I Have A Dream

I am happy to join with you today in what will go down in history as the greatest demonstration for freedom in the history of our nation.

Five score years ago, a great American, in whose symbolic shadow we stand today, signed the Emancipation Proclamation. This momentous decree came as a great beacon light of hope to millions of Negro slaves who had been seared in the flames of withering injustice. It came as a joyous daybreak to end the long night of their captivity.

But one hundred years later, the Negro still is not free. One hundred years later, the life of the Negro is still sadly crippled by the manacles of segregation and the chains of discrimination. One hundred years later, the Negro lives on a lonely island of poverty in the midst of a vast ocean of material prosperity. One hundred years later, the Negro is still languishing in the corners of American society and finds himself an exile in his own land. So we have come here today to dramatize a shameful condition.

In a sense we have come to our nation's capital to cash a check. When the architects of our republic wrote the magnificent words of the Constitution and the Declaration of Independence, they were signing a promissory note to which every American was to fall heir. This note was a promise that all men, yes, black men as well as white men, would be guaranteed the unalienable rights of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.

It is obvious today that America has defaulted on this promissory note insofar as her citizens of color are concerned. Instead of honoring this sacred obligation, America has given the Negro people a bad check, a check which has come back marked "insufficient funds." But we refuse to believe that the bank of justice is bankrupt. We refuse to believe that there are insufficient funds in the great vaults of opportunity of this nation. So we have come to cash this check — a check that will give us upon demand the riches of freedom and the security of justice. We have also come to this hallowed spot to remind America of the fierce urgency of now. This is no time to engage in the luxury of cooling off or to take the tranquilizing drug of gradualism. Now is the time to make real the promises of democracy. Now is the time to rise from the dark and desolate valley of segregation to the sunlit path of racial justice. Now is the time to lift our nation from the quick sands of racial injustice to the solid rock of brotherhood. Now is the time to make justice a reality for all of God's children.


It would be fatal for the nation to overlook the urgency of the moment. This sweltering summer of the Negro's legitimate discontent will not pass until there is an invigorating autumn of freedom and equality. Nineteen sixty-three is not an end, but a beginning. Those who hope that the Negro needed to blow off steam and will now be content will have a rude awakening if the nation returns to business as usual. There will be neither rest nor tranquility in America until the Negro is granted his citizenship rights. The whirlwinds of revolt will continue to shake the foundations of our nation until the bright day of justice emerges.

But there is something that I must say to my people who stand on the warm threshold which leads into the palace of justice. In the process of gaining our rightful place we must not be guilty of wrongful deeds. Let us not seek to satisfy our thirst for freedom by drinking from the cup of bitterness and hatred.

We must forever conduct our struggle on the high plane of dignity and discipline. We must not allow our creative protest to degenerate into physical violence. Again and again we must rise to the majestic heights of meeting physical force with soul force. The marvelous new militancy which has engulfed the Negro community must not lead us to a distrust of all white people, for many of our white brothers, as evidenced by their presence here today, have come to realize that their destiny is tied up with our destiny. They have come to realize that their freedom is inextricably bound to our freedom. We cannot walk alone.

As we walk, we must make the pledge that we shall always march ahead. We cannot turn back. There are those who are asking the devotees of civil rights, "When will you be satisfied?" We can never be satisfied as long as the Negro is the victim of the unspeakable horrors of police brutality. We can never be satisfied, as long as our bodies, heavy with the fatigue of travel, cannot gain lodging in the motels of the highways and the hotels of the cities. We cannot be satisfied as long as the Negro's basic mobility is from a smaller ghetto to a larger one. We can never be satisfied as long as our children are stripped of their selfhood and robbed of their dignity by signs stating "For Whites Only". We cannot be satisfied as long as a Negro in Mississippi cannot vote and a Negro in New York believes he has nothing for which to vote. No, no, we are not satisfied, and we will not be satisfied until justice rolls down like waters and righteousness like a mighty stream.

I am not unmindful that some of you have come here out of great trials and tribulations. Some of you have come fresh from narrow jail cells. Some of you have come from areas where your quest for freedom left you battered by the storms of persecution and staggered by the winds of police brutality. You have been the veterans of creative suffering. Continue to work with the faith that unearned suffering is redemptive.

Go back to Mississippi, go back to Alabama, go back to South Carolina, go back to Georgia, go back to Louisiana, go back to the slums and ghettos of our northern cities, knowing that somehow this situation can and will be changed. Let us not wallow in the valley of despair.

I say to you today, my friends, so even though we face the difficulties of today and tomorrow, I still have a dream. It is a dream deeply rooted in the American dream.

I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: "We hold these truths to be self-evident: that all men are created equal."

I have a dream that one day on the red hills of Georgia the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slave owners will be able to sit down together at the table of brotherhood.

I have a dream that one day even the state of Mississippi, a state sweltering with the heat of injustice, sweltering with the heat of oppression, will be transformed into an oasis of freedom and justice.

I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.

I have a dream today.

I have a dream that one day, down in Alabama, with its vicious racists, with its governor having his lips dripping with the words of interposition and nullification; one day right there in Alabama, little black boys and black girls will be able to join hands with little white boys and white girls as sisters and brothers.

I have a dream today.

I have a dream that one day every valley shall be exalted, every hill and mountain shall be made low, the rough places will be made plain, and the crooked places will be made straight, and the glory of the Lord shall be revealed, and all flesh shall see it together.

This is our hope. This is the faith that I go back to the South with. With this faith we will be able to hew out of the mountain of despair a stone of hope. With this faith we will be able to transform the jangling discords of our nation into a beautiful symphony of brotherhood. With this faith we will be able to work together, to pray together, to struggle together, to go to jail together, to stand up for freedom together, knowing that we will be free one day.

This will be the day when all of God's children will be able to sing with a new meaning, "My country, 'tis of thee, sweet land of liberty, of thee I sing. Land where my fathers died, land of the pilgrim's pride, from every mountainside, let freedom ring."

And if America is to be a great nation this must become true. So let freedom ring from the prodigious hilltops of New Hampshire. Let freedom ring from the mighty mountains of New York. Let freedom ring from the heightening Alleghenies of Pennsylvania!

Let freedom ring from the snowcapped Rockies of Colorado!

Let freedom ring from the curvaceous slopes of California!

But not only that; let freedom ring from Stone Mountain of Georgia!

Let freedom ring from Lookout Mountain of Tennessee!

Let freedom ring from every hill and molehill of Mississippi. From every mountainside, let freedom ring.

And when this happens, when we allow freedom to ring, when we let it ring from every village and every hamlet, from every state and every city, we will be able to speed up that day when all of God's children, black men and white men, Jews and Gentiles, Protestants and Catholics, will be able to join hands and sing in the words of the old Negro spiritual,

"Free at last! free at last! thank God Almighty, we are free at last!"

You Are So Beautiful ....To Me

A big THANK YOU to one of my favorite bloggers, Tammy From Fat to Fab, who bestowed the Beautiful Blogger Award upon me. With so many amazing bloggers out there it seems a bit crazy she would pick me. (Hey Tammy - have you lost your mind along with all those pounds?).

I'm flattered to receive this award especially since I'm constantly wondering if I should go back to just lurking around the blogsphere and commenting instead of having my own place to write. I spend so much time only to produce mediocre posts when others seem to do it so much better and with apparent ease. Whenever I think of shutting this blog down I think of all the support I get from all of you. I don't think I can give that up. It means too much to me. Thank you all.

I have to admit that these type of awards make me feel a little funny though. I'm happy that someone thought enough of me to give me props but I don't really know how to pass it on to "x" number of people without feeling bad for leaving someone out. How do you decide who makes the cut? Is it the new person I just discovered or those bloggers I've been following for years? Who's more deserving? I think everyone on my reading list deserves to be recognized as a Beautiful Blogger. You are all beautiful to me in one way or another.

As a recipient of this award I'm supposed to tell you 7 things about myself that you don't already know. Hmmmm... I feel I've spilled my soul over these pages over the past couple of years. I don't think I've left much out.

Let's see if I can come up with 7 new tidbits of information: **sing Jeopardy music here**

... two days pass ...

I'm having a hard time finding things you don't already know about me.... Please forgive me if I've mentioned any of these things before.

1. I grew up really poor and always felt ashamed about it. I almost feel guilty about collecting unemployment now for the first time in my life.

2. I babysat for my landlord's kid one time and the guy tried to stick his tongue down my throat on the drive home. Needless to say that was the last time I took that babysitting job.

3. I'm 42 years old and have never traveled outside of the USA except for a couple of trips to Canada. The furthest south I've been is Key West and the furthest west I've been is Missouri.

4. I had a twin that died at birth. I always think of how my life would have been different had she survived.

5. I don't think the guy I call "Dad" is my real father. Even though I've never gotten my mother to confirm it, I'd be happy to know he isn't really my father.

6. Both my brother and sister are gay. My brother got married and my sister is engaged and even though I don't have to jump through hoops for the right to be married, I have no desire to have that little piece of paper (even after 27 years).

7. I'm still with the guy I lost my virginity to and have no regrets about not playing the field. I know there is nothing in that field for me. I was one of the lucky ones who found true love and held on tight.

It wasn't easy to come up with 7 things I haven't told you already. If you are reading this I hope you take this Beautiful Blogger Award and tell us 7 things about you. Inquiring minds want to know.

Thanks again, Tammy. I still think you may be crazy. ;)

Thematic Photographic 84 - White

As you all know, I love snow so I just had to participate in this week's Thematic Photographic assignment "White." There is nothing better than flying through the fluffy powder on my sled but the thing I love even more than riding on the snow is the calming effect it has on my mind. The snow muffles the noise of the world and everything seems so quiet and serene. The blanket of white covering everything looks so clean and pure. I know snow is good for my soul. I agree that it's a pain to have to shovel it and commute to work in it but you should try to have fun with it too. Build a snowman, make a snow angel, have a snowball fight, take a walk in it ... just enjoy it before it melts.

If you want to join in the Thematic Photographic fun or see some amazing photos and creative thoughtful writing, go say hi to Carmi over at Written Inc.

Playing in the Snow

Most people don't understand it but I absolutely love the winter - the more snow the better. I feel sorry for people who hibernate like bears in the winter and don't fully enjoy the snowy season. There is nothing better than gearing up and going out all day to play in the snow. Snowmobiling is so good for my head and it's even better now that I'm not trying to unwind from a horrific week at work, I can just enjoy the ride.

Last Saturday we went on our first snowmobile ride of 2010. We rode 145 miles from Groton, VT, through Danville, Lyndon and into East Burke. We stopped for lunch and a hot drink and then made our way back to Groton. We were out all day from 9 a.m. 'til 6:30 p.m. and I only got stuck once. The trail conditions were not the best but pretty decent considering we haven't gotten much snow in the area. It was extremely cold with temps in the single digits but that only means we take shorter breaks in the treeline out of the wind instead of in the open fields on the top of a mountain.

I was so much more comfortable and could muscle my sled around and stand up more easily while riding since I have more strength and less bulk slowing me down. I did a little happy dance when I put my snowmobile pants on for the first time and didn't feel like a stuffed sausage like I did last year. I was able to zip them up without any problem and even had room to spare. Last year I had to hold them closed, hold my breath, suck it all in and PULL HARD.

I'm going to break out my favorite jacket I haven't been able to wear the last few years to see if it fits. The last time I tried it on I could only get it zipped around my waist but couldn't pull it down over my hips. While everyone else is trying to fit into a bathing suit, I'm making it my winter goal to fit into that jacket before the end of the snowmobile season.

B's on call this long holiday weekend so we can't go up north but I'm already looking forward to the next ride and how much lighter I'll be by then. Ride on.

Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow.

Get STARTed NOW

It's a new year and everyone is working on their resolutions to get fit and lose weight. I hardly make resolutions but have been working towards this goal for decades and feel like I'm finally making some progress.

I was surprised and honored to be mentioned in today's podcast of Two Fit Chicks and a Microphone. I've been a big fan of the Amazing Dietgirl, Shauna Reid and the internet fitness guru MizFit, Carla Birnberg for a long time. They have been guiding me, encouraging me and inspiring me for years. You should check out the podcast if you haven't heard it already. These woman know what they're talking about (and I love listening to Shauna's accent).

In Two Fit Chicks and a Microphone's "Episode 07 - Getting STARTed in 2010" podcast Shauna and Carla interviewed a few of my weight loss heroes such as Jen of Prior Fat Girl, Diane of Fit to the Finish, Jennette of PastaQueen, Mary of A Merry Life, Roni of Roni's Weigh, and Lynn of Lynn's Weigh and introduced me to a few new to me bloggers - Kepa of Fat Lazy Guy's Log, and Caro of On The Weight Watch. I'm looking forward to checking them out.

I'm ready to take all their good advice and make this final journey back down the scale for the last time. I've been on this road a very long time, I've gone through season after season, year after year, I've taken detours and gotten lost but I feel I'm finally able to put in the time and effort it takes to get healthy and fit and stay that way. I'm going to get it right this time. I am losing it AGAIN and will learn how to keep it off this time *fingers crossed* *knock wood* *spin around three times* *click your ruby slippers together* *PLEASE G-D*

I'm ready to get STARTed. Are you? How bad do you really want it? Don't wait another minute. Get STARTed NOW!

It's Monday!

It's the first Monday of the new year and I have to admit I was surprised I didn't see too many new faces at the gym. I figured the gym would be packed with all those people who pay for a yearly membership in January only to go a few times and then waste the rest of their membership year once the flames of the New Year fire wears off. I got a good 60 minutes on the elliptical and then came home and played on the Wii for a while.

I've been trying to stay off the scale since I started going to the gym regularly because I didn't want to get discouraged if the pounds weren't coming off as quickly as I would like considering all the work I've been doing. I decided to hop on the evil scale today because I figured I should know where I'm starting off in the New Year. I'm hoping 2010 is the year I "finally figure it out" and get this weight off for good.

I'm happy to say I've lost 10 pounds since I joined the gym a little over a month ago. So, in just over a month I lost a total of 10 pounds which isn't too bad considering most people gain 7-10 pounds between Thanksgiving and New Year. I'm sure I would have lost more if I didn't go nuts eating all that crack and other holiday goodies. I think 10 pounds a month is a good goal to strive towards.

I'm going to try not to get hung up on the numbers and just continue to focus on going to the gym, getting a good workout and eating relatively healthy 90% of the time. I'm thinking I'll try to limit getting on the scale to once a month so I can track my progress but not get all crazy about the numbers. It should be about how I feel not what that evil piece of metal tells me, right?

How often do you weigh yourself? Does the number affect your mood?

Start Now, Not Monday

Cammy of Tippy Toe Diet fame wrote an excellent post about not waiting until Monday to start a healthy eating/exercise/healthy life program. You should check out her insightful post here if you haven't seen it yet. I wanted share my comments here because I couldn't agree with her more.

I've waited long enough. I'm done waiting. There's always going to be an excuse to start next Monday after the holiday food fest trifecta. I've used every single excuse there is over the past 20+ years and I'm done making excuses.

Stop waiting for next Monday because you will only have Valentine's Day chocolate to eat, St. Patrick's Day alcohol to drink, tax time stress to endure, Memorial Day, 4th of July and Labor Day BBQ's to attend, Halloween candy to devour, and then we're right back to the mother of all excuses, the food feasts of Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years again.

If we wait until Monday to start a program we'll only find ourselves looking back on 2010 and bemoaning how we didn't lose weight and wonder why we get fatter and fatter each year. If those holiday excuses aren't enough you have office functions, business lunches, cocktail parties, birthday parties and anniversary parties. It looks like there may be a small window of opportunity to start a diet in June if you don't have a wedding to go to.

Don't wait until Monday. Don't wait until June. Every day, every meal, every morsel is a new time to start. No more excuses. NOW is the best time to start. RIGHT NOW!

Happy New Year!!!

I've been invited to a few parties but the older I get the less I want to go out on New Year's Eve. There are so many drunks on the road and so many people forcing themselves to get out and do something and be somewhere when the clock strikes midnight on the last day of the year. I'm perfectly happy to stay home and watch the ball drop in Times Square from my comfortable bed so that's what B and I are planning to do. Exciting stuff, huh?

Looking back on 2009 I realize I was pretty miserable for most of it with tons of work related stress and family drama but since I got laid off in November I've been seeing things in a whole new light. I feel blessed to be able to collect (f)unemployment (although I haven't gotten a check YET) and have the time to decide where I want to spend my working days. I know I don't want to ever work in a law firm again and I'm trying to figure out how to use my skills and collect a paycheck without paying for it with soul sucking stress and aggravation.

I'm excited to see what 2010 brings. As I've said before, I'm not much of a resolution person. My resolutions are goals I am constantly striving for every day, week, month, year, decade ... lifetime. Learn to live every single day to the fullest. Be healthy, be happy, love and be loved .... what else is there?

Thank you for joining me on this journey and I wish you all a very Happy New Year. I can't wait to see what 2010 has in store for us. ENJOY!

Coming Out of the Sugar Coma

I'm slowly recovering from the sugar induced haze of the holidays. Holy Christmas Cookies Batman!

I'm happy to say there wasn't any drama this year since my Mommy Dearest decided to stay in Florida. My brother and his husband, my father and stepmonster, and my sister and sister's girlfriend all met up with various family members out of state so B and I didn't have to rush around from place to place which made for a very mellow holiday.

It was pretty low-key with all of B's family together at his brother's house in NH. My niece and nephews are teenagers now so there wasn't that magic of watching Christmas through a child's eye but we had a joyous stressless holiday. We ate way too much food (my sister-in-law makes the best cheese danish that I indulge in once a year), we opened lots of presents and envelopes full of green (B's parents are way too generous), we lost money on the scratch ticket swap like we do every year (I keep saying I'm not going to do it anymore), I learned all sorts of Wii tricks from the nephews (I work up a sweat playing my Wii and my nephews barely flick their wrists around) and we all ate way too many delicious sugary holiday treats. It was a blast and I'm glad it's over.

I have to confess that I had to make the dessert I was bringing to Christmas dinner twice because I stupidly made it a day early and then proceeded to eat half the tray. This toffee cracker stuff is similar to the recipe I used but I warn you, it is like crack and I don't want you to lose yourself in its sugary, buttery, chocolaty goodness. I couldn't stop myself from eating it. MMMmmmm.... A small piece here and a small piece there and next thing you know half the container was gone. How did that happen? I made my version of it with health bar pieces and another batch with vanilla chocolate instead of the semi-sweet chocolate morsels and it was amazing but seriously addictive. I should never make it again because I just can't be trusted around it, just like chocolate covered pretzels. It must be something with the salt and chocolate that flicks the switches in my head to auto-pilot and I lose the ability to stop myself from eating more and more.

Like an alcoholic can't just have "one" drink, I can't just have "one" of almost anything with sugar. I'll have a tiny sliver of cake and then have another tiny sliver and another instead of just having a normal slice from the start. Those 100 calorie packs of sweets don't help me because I'll end up eating the whole box. I know I have issues and I'm working on them.

I know I should be able to enjoy anything in moderation but what if I can't control it? Do I need to avoid it forever or will I eventually learn how to control myself with certain trigger foods? I'm glad all the crack is gone and I got back to my green monster for breakfast today. Fruit is a much better and healthier sugar high for me. It doesn't spike my blood sugar the way white cane sugar does.

Luckily I've been going to the gym faithfully and burning lots of calories on the elliptical and dreadmill so the damage on the scale from all the sugar has been minimal. I didn't lose any weight over the holidays but I didn't gain any either and that is something I don't think has ever happened before. Usually the holidays are an all out food fest and a free pass to gain the usual 5-10 pounds because it's the holidays, right? No, this year is different. 2010 is going to be different. I am different.

Julie over at Smoke Yourself Thin recently wrote a post about whether or not sugar can be as addictive as heroin or cigarettes and for me, I think it is. When I have it I always want more. I can't seem to get enough no matter how much I have and I can't refuse it when it's offered to me. I feel the physical effects of the sugar in my body and a haze come over my mind after a big sugar binge.

I'm detoxing now.

What do you think? Can you be addicted to certain foods? If so, what are you addicted to?

Dear Santa

Dear Santa:

I've been a very good girl this year so I would like you to show some love to all my blogging friends who should be found on your Nice List, oh, well, ummm ... maybe just a little bit naughty but mostly nice list:

A remedy for Pasta Queen's never-ending headache.

Strength for Jen, a Prior Fat Girl, and her entire family to get through all the firsts without her Mom.

Less frogs and more princes to kiss for Hilly at Snackie's World.

The perfect fitting pair of jeans for Ex Hot Girl (who is no longer an "Ex," just a "Hot Girl" now).

Happy feet for Allison at Doublechinned.

An unemployment extension and a great job for Tammy at From Fat to Fab.

Huge Glo bar sales for Angela at Oh She Glows.

Reliable internet and warm heat for Friend of the Bear.

A super-duper souped up immunity system for Skinny Me.

and...and...and...

I had very good intentions of listing EVERYONE on my blog roll and including links but I ran out of time and if I don't send this out now Santa won't get it before he heads out to deliver presents to all you good boys and girls out there. I hope Santa brings you whatever your heart desires.

I truly appreciate all of the love and support you have shown me. You are all so very special to me and I appreciate each and every one of you.

I wish every single one of you a joyous holiday season and I'm looking forward to seeing what we can accomplish in 2010.

Eat, Drink and Be Merry.

MERRY MERRY!

Wishing you all a very Merry Christmas, a belated Happy Hanukkah, and a wonderful Winter Solstice. I wish you all peace, love and happiness in the New Year. May all your days be merry and bright.

MERRY MERRY!

Life is Unfair

It doesn't seem fair that so many people get taken from us in the prime of their lives. Of course it's sad when someone who has lived a full life into their 90s passes away but it's devastating when someone is robbed of their life while they are smack dab in the middle of living it to the fullest. My lovely friend Lisa fought the debilitating effects of ALS (Lou Gehrig's disease) for the last 6+ years and is now at peace and no longer having to suffer through the pain.

It isn't any easier when you know your loved one is dying and have to watch them deteriorate before your eyes. You know there is no cure but you still hold out hope that they will be the exception to the rule. They will pull through this and get better because the alternative is too horrible to face. When I was selling raffle tickets for one of the many fundraisers they had for Lisa my old boss kept repeating over and over again "she's going to die," "there is no cure," "you know she's going to die." I knew it in my head but in my heart I didn't want to believe it.

Lisa and I met over 20 years ago and worked together at 2 different law firms. We were more than just co-workers and saw each other pretty regularly outside of the office for the first few years. I attended her first wedding and was there when her marriage ended. I spent an entire day at the vet with her when she thought her cat ate poison (the cat was fine but it took us 6 hours to find that out). In addition to her full-time job she started a cheerleading coaching business where she hired me to be the photographer for the competitions and I would be awed to see her put the young girls to shame when she was showing them new moves and teaching them how to be better competitors. I remember spending a day at the beach together and she couldn't stop laughing as she threw french fries to the seagulls out of my convertible jeep while I screamed and pleaded with her to stop because she knew how much I hated birds. We definitely laughed about it afterward but I didn't think it was very funny at the time. I really have a terrible bird phobia especially with seagulls and pigeons but I couldn't be mad at her because she was just having fun.

I was so happy when she told me she found the love of her life and I was sure I would be going to another wedding as soon as her long-time boyfriend got up the nerve to pop the question and give her a ring. We eventually drifted apart over the years but when we did see each other it was like no time had passed and we would just pick up where we left off. We would often run into each other on the train commuting to and from work and would catch up with each others lives and promise to get together soon.

We both "married" into local political families and would see each other on the campaign trails of our city, luckily we were always campaigning for the good guys and on the same political teams. I would often see Lisa running by my house on one of her regular 7+ mile runs and watch her eyes light up telling me about her most recent vacation where she went scuba diving, horseback riding, dancing, drinking and just having a blast. Lisa loved life and loved to dance.

It was heartbreaking to see such a vibrant young girl lose the ability to walk and talk and eventually end up in a wheelchair unable to do anything for herself. She fought so hard against this brutal disease from the moment of her first symptoms of slurred speech until her final days when she refused to take any pain medication because she wanted to be there and aware with her loved ones all around her.

She was lucky in so many ways but only had 35 healthy years before she had to fight ALS for the last 6+ years of her life. She had the most loving and caring boyfriend who organized massive fundraisers and tirelessly took care of her. He moved them to an apartment building with an elevator so the nurses would be able to take her out during the day after he carried her up and down the stairs for years. Even though she was unable to do anything for herself he knew she would still want to look put together in the latest styles. He took her to the hair salon regularly to have her hair done because she always wanted to change to yet another different style. He would take her shopping and to have her nails done and would always make sure she was treated with the utmost care. Most of all, he stayed and made her laugh through all the pain where lesser men would have run away. She was a beautiful soul and I'm sure she knew how much we all loved her and prayed for a miracle cure.

Every time I b*tched about the stress in my life and about how much I hated my job I would think of Lisa and how she would love to be able to go to work again. When I sat on my a$$ instead of going to the gym I would think of Lisa and how much she would love to be able to go to the gym or just be able to walk into the next room. Whenever I had a bad day I would think of Lisa and how much she would appreciate having a day like mine.

May my dear friend Lisa rest in peace and may they find a cure for ALS so people don't have to suffer the way this brave woman did. Lisa was taken from us too soon but I'm happy she is free from the pain and finally at peace.

Lisa's Words to Live By:

May you never take one single breath for granted

God forbid love ever leave you empty handed

I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean

Whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens

Promise me that you'll give fate a fighting chance

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance

I hope you dance

I hope you dance

- Leanne Womack

I hope you are dancing in heaven now my dear friend Lisa. I hope you dance.

A Different Person

I feel like I'm a completely different person than I was just 3+ weeks ago. B made a comment the other day that I'm "more lively" now, like I used to be. I knew I was stressed and miserable but I didn't realize how much it affected my life outside of the office. I'm beginning to comprehend how truly unhappy I was because I feel so different now. I've missed this fun, happy, energized person I used to be.

I'll be even happier when I can get my unemployment claim filed. I had to wait for the lousy 3 week severance to be up before I could even file my claim. I'm a little stressed over the financial situation with the holidays here but I'm sure I'll calm down about it when I have a check coming in even though it won't come close to the salary I was making.

I've been getting very good use out of my gym membership. I actually went twice yesterday. *shocker* Today I spent 90 minutes there (50 on the elliptical and and 40 on the treadmill).

My former office manager called me yesterday to tell me he gave my name to someone who was looking to hire. I thanked him for the referral but told him I was going to try to find a job where I won't have to look at a lawyer. I've been abused enough over the years.

I was supposed to go in the office for the staff's Yankee Swap today but decided I didn't want to see anyone badly enough to risk seeing someone I might tell to go F*** himself. I'm so happy to be out of there.

I think it's about time I took some measurements and pictures so I can track my progress because there are big changes going on here. Stay tuned.

HAPPY HAPPY MERRY MERRY!

40 Tips for a Better Life in 2010

I'm not waiting until January 1st to make big changes in my life. I've learned it's better to make daily/weekly/monthly goals instead of yearly resolutions. It seems too easy to break those big yearly resolutions and once they're broken I would just wait until the next year to break them again. Not anymore.

My life has changed so much in just the last month. I'm overjoyed to no longer be working in a high stress job, I'm relieved I'll be able to collect unemployment while I figure out how to make a living without having to look at another lawyer, I joined the gym and have time to go, I got LASIK eye surgery and don't need to wear glasses/contacts anymore, and I'm having some major dental work completed. I'm getting excited just thinking about what 2010 will bring. Where will I be this time next year? Where will you be?

Tips for a Better Life:

1. Take a 10-30 minute (or more) walk every day. And while you walk, smile. It is the ultimate anti-depressant.

2. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day.

3. Buy a DVR and tape your late night shows and get more sleep.

4. When you wake up in the morning complete the following statement, 'My purpose is to _____ today.'

5. Live with the 3 E's -- Energy, Enthusiasm, and Empathy.

6. Play more games and read more books than you did last year.

7. Make time to practice meditation and prayer. They provide us with daily fuel for our busy lives.

8. Spend time with people over the age of 70 and under the age of six.

9. Dream more while you are awake.

10. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants. Eat less food that is manufactured in plants.

11. Drink green tea and plenty of water. Eat blueberries, wild Alaskan salmon, broccoli, almonds & walnuts.

12. Try to make at least 3 people smile each day.

13. Clear clutter from your house, your car, your desk and let new and flowing energy into your life.

14. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip, or issues of the past, negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.

15. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.

16. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince & dinner like a college kid w/a maxed out charge card. (I believe the saying is "Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a price and dinner like a pauper." Junk food is too cheap that it's all a college kid w/a maxed out charge card eats.)

17. Smile and laugh more. It will keep the NEGATIVE BLUES away.

18. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.

19. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.

20. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

21. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

22. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present.

23. Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

24. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.

25. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: 'In five years, will this matter?'

26. Forgive everyone for everything.

27. What other people think of you is none of your business.

28. REMEMBER GOD heals everything.

29. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

30. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.

31. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.

32. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

33. The best is yet to come.

34. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

35. Do the right thing!

36. Call your family often. (Or email them to death!)

37. Each night before you go to bed complete the following statements: I am thankful for __________. Today I accomplished _________.

38. Remember that you are too blessed to be stressed.

39. Enjoy the ride. Remember this is not Disney World and you certainly don't want a fast pass. You only have one ride through life so make the most of it and enjoy the ride.

40. Love Yourself.

May your troubles be less,
May your blessings be more,
May nothing but happiness come through your door!