Never Say Never

Hello...is anyone still out there?  I've never been the most consistent blogger but a post once a month shouldn't be too hard to handle, huh?  Thought I'd drop in and tell my sad tale of weight loss (regain) woes.  If you want to be inspired I suggest you check out my blogroll and visit those who are rocking the healthy lifestyle because I certainly haven't been one of them lately although I'm not giving up so there is still hope for me yet.

I really need to think long and hard before I use words like "NEVER" and "ALWAYS."  It seems as soon as we utter the word "never" circumstances change and we find ourselves doing exactly what we said we would NEVER EVER do.  It seems like the universe conspires to make us eat words like "never" and "always."  How many weddings have you been to where people promised to "always" love each other 'til death they do part only to be divorced in a few years.  I swore I would NEVER EVER regain the weight I worked so hard to lose. I thought I had it all figured out. I learned how to love exercise and looked forward to sweating my ass off at the gym.  I thought that was the key but I'm sorry to say that has not been the case.  I haven't gone back to binge eating but I have been eating too much, too often, and way too many meals out.

Exactly one year ago today I hit my goal of losing 101 pounds and went back to working a full time job after being unemployed for 22 months. During my unemployment I was able to focus my time on getting in shape and it worked.  I felt great and swore that I would NEVER let myself get fat again.  I guess I have NOT really figured anything out.  Well, that's not true, I've figured out that I can lose weight, exercise regularly and eat right as long as I don't have to work a full time job at the same time.

I'm not back at square one but I honestly can't even tell you how much weight I regained because I'm afraid to get on the scale.  It's crazy that I weighed myself almost every single day for years but I'm afraid to get on the scale and see the actual number now.  I would say I'm at about square 50 and it's depressing as hell to think about trying to lose those pounds all over again.

I have learned that I don't handle stress well and I suck at time management and forcing myself to get up early enough or go to the gym after work when all I want to do is get home and de-stress.  I'm still walking to and from the train station (3+ miles) everyday.  I'm still going to my favorite cardio kickboxing classes when I can get out of the office but I haven't been able to regularly make it to both classes every week.  The biggest problem is the stress eating and not taking the time to make healthy meals when I get home so late and I'm just too damn tired.

It really sucks to keep going through this.  I've run into a few people I haven't seen in a few years and they ask if I've lost weight and compliment me and tell me how great I look so all is not lost (regained).  I don't have 101 pounds to lose but even if that number is 50 it is still a tough pill to swallow but I'm going to have to face the scale at some point and figure out a way to lose weight and work for a living.

I'm not giving up.  I'm going to figure out a way to do this once and for all.  Time to get back to square 50....  Wish me luck.

Rock on!