New Dawn, New Day, New Life

New Year Resolutions are great but we really shouldn't save them up for the New Year, we should make them every single day. We don't know what kind of challenges we're going to face in the coming year so as soon as something gets thrown in our path or gets in the way of those resolutions we tend to give up in frustration. Resolutions made on January 1st usually hit a giant brick wall by the time February 1st comes along. The gym has been so packed with New Year Resolutioners that I've had to wait to get on a treadmill the past couple of weeks but the crowds have already started to dwindle down and its only the second week of the year. The New Year is the perfect time to clean the slate, forget the past and look forward to the possibilities that lie ahead. Look at all those little boxes on the calendar just waiting to be filled up.

This healthy living thing is a life long process. Even when we reach our goals, it's not the end. How many people do you know who got to their goal weight only to regain most or all of what they worked so hard to lose? We're not done once we see that sweet number on the scale or fit into those goal-size jeans.

We're not THERE yet, we're HERE, right now is where we're at. Right now, right HERE is where we're always at. This is a life long process not a short term project to complete and forget about. We are never done with healthy living. If something is really important, if something really matters, it doesn't get completed in a day. It can't be reached in a day, a week or a month. If you can finish it in a day it's not that big of a deal. If you can finish it in a week or a month it's not that big of an accomplishment. If it takes a lifetime it is a very big deal and totally worth the effort.

When our dreams seem such a long way off, we tend to decide that HERE is THERE and we settle for HERE instead of striving to get THERE. We settle for HERE because THERE seems so far away. HERE is not bad, it's ok, but we need to keep moving forward to get THERE. A new year is the perfect time to forget the past and look forward to what lies ahead. Put the past behind you, forgive yourself and others for any wrongdoings and move forward. The past is the past. The past is not today and it is not the future. We can't start working on what comes next until we put the past behind us. Don't let the past define your future. Let it go and focus on today and the possibility of what lies ahead.

We tend to get so overwhelmed with the mundane details of surviving day to day that we stop dreaming about the future and settle for HERE. This is not all there is. We are not THERE yet. Keep those dreams alive and keep looking forward to what lies ahead. Remember, it doesn't matter how long it takes to get THERE as long as you keep moving in the right direction.

Where are you? Where do you want to go? HERE or THERE?

Happy New Day!

Happy 2012!

Happy New Year! Happy New You!

How has 2012 been treating you so far? Are you working on those resolutions. I don't like making them because if it is important on January 1st it is important every other day of the year. Start now, no matter what the date on the calendar is. Don't wait 'til the first of the year, Monday or after that big event, start right now. I hope this is the year we all reach our goals or at least take those baby steps to get closer to realizing them.

Long time no blog, huh? I've written a ton of posts in my head but just haven't had the time to sit at the computer and put them out there. Working really sucks up way too much of my life but it's a necessary evil since I wasn't lucky enough to have a big fat trust fund. I've been contemplating posting short and sweet updates just to keep the crickets from taking over this space but I still need to find the time to do that. I really miss unemployment.

I know most people assume that when a weight loss blogger disappears it's because they've fallen into the rabbit hole vat of chocolate and started packing on the pounds again but I'm not too far gone. Yes, I've gained a bit but I'm still hanging on to the wagon. I'm still fighting to get back to my goal weight that I saw for a nanosecond back in September but I've been able to maintain an average loss of 90 pound for a while now. Vacation and the holidays were filled with temptations but I did the best I could to get my workouts in and abstain from stress eating.

To catch you up on what's been going on with me, I'll start where I left off. Las Vegas was a blast. I don't know why it took us so long to get there. We gambled, partied like aging rock stars, barely slept and ate way too much crappy buffet food. I wasn't sure I could do it but I managed to pull an all nighter on our last night there. Of course, at 40+ it took me a few days to recover from it all but recover I did, just in time for the holiday party season. We did escape the sensory overload of the strip a couple of days to check out the Hoover Dam, Red Rock Canyon and the Valley of Fire. It was nice to get away from all the lights, bells and whistles and be able to check out the quiet desert scenery. It's such a vast contrast to the landscape here in the northeast. It was beautiful but so weird to not see any trees or greenery.

There was way too much family drama over the holidays that's still going on but there really isn't anything I can do about it so I'm trying not to stress out over it. There is always drama in my family and I have learned that the less I get involved the better. I try to be the peacemaker and smooth things over but only end up getting caught in the crossfire so I'm doing my best to stay off the battlefield.

Work has been stressing me out and seriously cutting into my gym time. I barely worked out at all the whole month of December and I was starting to feel like a slug. I did get a few workout in here and there and I've been walking to and from the train station, taking the stairs at the office and going for walks at lunch when I can actually get out but it is not the same as a good sweaty workout at the gym. Ok, are you sitting down? I'm thisclose to completing the C25K program. I completed Week 9, Day 1 which means I only have 2 more days of the program left to do. Not bad, it's only taken me over a year and a half to complete the 9 week program but, you know by now, I'm speedy like a turtle. I never ever thought I'd be able to run for 30 minutes straight without having something chasing me but I've done it. I may be SLOW but I'll get there. I have no doubt about that.

Even though I haven't been able to comment much, if at all, I've been reading and keeping up with what's been going on with you so please know I'm there in spirit cheering you on. I've said prayers for people going through tough times and danced the happy dance for your successes.

Keep rocking it, my friends. HAPPY NEW YOU!

Tis the Season ....

Whether you celebrate Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanza, Winter Solstice or just a holiday off from work, I wish you and your loved ones peace, love and happiness no matter what the season.

I hope you do or continue to do what makes you happy and healthy in 2012.

Remember the reason for the season and love the giver, not the gift.

Peace out!

Viva Las Vegas!

Guess what?

I'm going to Vegas for Thanksgiving!
For years we've been saying we'll go to Vegas for Bill's 50th and it's finally here. He doesn't actually turn 50 'til the day after we get back but we're celebrating early. We're wondering if it might have been better to have gone 10 or 20 years ago when we were able to pull all nighters and party like rock stars but I'm sure we'll have a blast.

I certainly need a vacation. I don't think it will be very relaxing in the city that never sleeps, oh, wait, that's New York, isn't it? Well, I don't think Vegas sleeps either but I may have to sneak in a few zzz's on the plane or by the pool. I even packed some workout gear so I can check out the gym at the hotel. That's a first for me even thinking about working out while on vacation. Oh, how times have changed.

Bright light city gonna set my soul,

Gonna set my soul on fire

Got a whole lot of money that's ready to burn,

So get those stakes up higher...

How I wish that there were more

Than twenty-four hours in the day'

Cause even if there were forty more,

I wouldn't sleep a minute away...

Oh, there's black jack and poker and the roulette wheel

A fortune won and lost on ev'ry deal

All you need's a strong heart and a nerve of steel

Viva Las Vegas, Viva Las Vegas ~Elvis

Wish me luck! If I hit a big jackpot I won't have to worry about finding a new job. Keep your fingers crossed.

Happy Thanksgiving! I'm truly thankful for all the love and support you all have given me over the years. Thank you for everything! You guys are the BEST! Enjoy your turkey and football for my fellow Americans and Happy Thursday to the rest of you.

Two Years Later

November 2009: 242 lbs. (Highest Weight Ever!)

August 2010: 198 lbs. (Onederland ~NEVER to be in the 200s again!)

November 2010: 179 lbs. (1 year ~ 63 pounds lost)

June 2011: 146 (I'm NORMAL ~ BMI)

September 2011: 141 lbs. (reached GOAL ~ 101 pounds gone)

November 2011: 147 lbs. (2 years ~ 95 pounds lost)

I know it's been a while since I checked in but I couldn't let this day go by without mention. Today marks two years since I got laid off from my soul sucking, miserable job and the beginning of my body and soul transformation. What a long strange trip it's been.

After 11 years of hard time at the same law firm I was blindsided, shocked and hurt to get a pink slip but it ended up being the best thing that ever happened to me. Who knew getting laid off would be the sweetest blessing. Fortunately, I was lucky to be in a position to be able to survive on an unemployment check for 22 months while I focused on getting healthy.

I knew I had to take advantage of my time off so I joined a gym immediately and spent at least an hour a day, at least 5 days a week working up a sweat. I went to the gym like it was my job and it was the best job I ever had.

I started off huffing and puffing on the elliptical on Level 1 and struggled to hang on for an hour. I always avoided the machines near the mirrored wall and wore big, baggy t-shirts and sweatpants. After about six months I started mixing in some circuit training with weights and some treadmill work. After the first year I tried a few classes and got turned on to cardio kickboxing where I looked forward to getting my ass kicked twice a week while I continued the cardio work the other 3 days.

I didn't do any extreme dieting. I ate what I wanted in moderation. I ate cake and cookies, ice cream and carbs, nothing was off limits. The more I worked out the more I wanted to eat better so I didn't negate all the hard work I did at the gym. I started craving green monsters instead of crap. I stopped feeling the need to binge and stuff my feelings down and started eating normal sized portions. I wasn't stressed and miserable all the time so I wasn't stuffing myself trying to numb the pain.

Slowly by surely the weight came off. I didn't let myself get hung up on the numbers, I just kept working up a sweat and not eating like a crazy person. Some weeks I gained but I didn't let those gains mess with my head like they had in the past. I knew if I continued working out regularly and eating relatively healthy 90% of the time I would continue to see results. I didn't lose fast but I lost consistently and I think that is the key to keeping it off. Slow and steady has been my motto and I'm still working it.

Unfortunately after 22 months the unemployment checks stopped and I was forced to go back to the daily grind. I'm going crazy trying to figure out how to juggle a crazy work schedule, find time to workout and have some sort of social life.

I did reach my goal of losing 101 pounds but I was only there for a day, ironically it was my first day back at work (9/19/11). On the bright side I've been maintaining a 95+- weight loss since June, almost 5 months of straddling the "normal" BMI line, just under 150 pounds. I haven't been able to get to the gym more than twice a week if I'm lucky and I'm chained to a computer for the better part of 7.5 hours a day but somehow I'm managing to maintain.

My head is spinning out of control, I can't breathe, and I can't focus on what's important because I'm too busy focusing on other people's stuff. I feel like I'm losing myself again because I'm too busy working crazy hours that I don't have time to take care of myself and I miss it. I never thought I would say this but I miss the gym, I miss kickboxing and I miss my stress-free days.

Work totally sucks! I'm stressed out, working crazy hours and have no time to do anything. I barely have time to take care of the basics, you know, laundry, food shopping, cooking, cleaning, sleeping. It's only been two months but I'm already thinking about looking for another job because I just can't handle this kind of stress anymore. I need a paycheck but I just don't want to do this anymore. Thanks for coming to my pity party.

With all that said, I think I'm still better off than I was two years ago. I am so thankful to have had those 22 months but it's so depressing to go right back to the grind. I've come too far to lose myself again. I'm hanging on by a thread but I'm fighting to hang on.

How do you do it? How do you juggle work, family and friends and still have time to hit the gym? Inquiring minds want to know.

Rock on My Friends!

Boston Bloggers Meet in the Flesh

It's been almost three weeks that I've been trying to find a spare minute to sit and write a post about my very first blogger meet up. I was determined to do something other than work, cook, clean and sleep so I accepted an invitation to meet up with some amazing Boston Bloggers. I'm no longer anonymous, at least not to the six beautiful women I got to break bread with at Eastern Standard in Kenmore Square. If you want to hear all about the night and see a picture of all of us (including me!) head over to one of their blogs because they wrote about the night better than I ever could.

I was so inspired by this group of beautiful young women who seem to do it all so effortlessly and find the time to blog about it too. Erin of Creative Soul in Motion who made it all possible; Alli of Alli Learns Life; sisters Sarah of Sarah’s Modern Bites and Samantha of Samantha in Training; Sara of Run Around Sara and Maddie of BFF: Better Food and Fitness.

They told stories of their 5Ks, 10Ks, marathons, half marathons, triathlons and other feats of fitness while I'm still struggling to find a way to work 40+ hours and get to the gym on a regular basis. I did get up the next morning and complete another day of the C25K program. If I'm lucky I will complete this 9 week program in under 2 years.

I was a little nervous and insecure about meeting up with people I had never met before but it didn't take long for me to feel like I was hanging out with a bunch of old friends. It's funny how you can feel so comfortable with people you've never met. There wasn't an awkward minute the whole night. The conversation flowed and we talked about everything from food, wine, and fitness (especially running) to blogging, life and love.

I had a blast and I can't wait to meet up with them again. Cheers!

No Time!

Hey Strangers -

Long time no blog. I've been keeping up with all of you through my reader but I haven't been able to comment much because I'm reading from my phone during my commute but service is spotty on the underground train so it's nearly impossible to comment.

So, I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing. Who the hell has the time? I'm not adjusting to the back at work routine very well. I'm beginning to think I can't hack the stress of office life anymore. What was I thinking going back to work in a law firm? Why did I think a different place would be different? Well, it is a little different since I'm in that honeymoon period where everyone is sweet and nice but it has been crazy busy and stressful.


Now I remember why I never went to the gym. There's just NO TIME left in the day. I know, I know, I should get up even earlier, way before the sun rises, but it's been a struggle just to get up at 5:30, I'm not sure I can hoist my ass out of bed any earlier.


When the hell do you find the time to fit it all in? I've been working like a dog, going in early, working through lunches and staying late and I haven't even been there a month yet. I'm hoping it won't always be like this and things will calm down a bit but I'm not sure it will or when. By the time I get home, check mail and messages, throw a load of laundry in, cook something for dinner, clean up, etc. etc. there is NO TIME to do much of anything else besides collapse and fall dead asleep even before Chelsea Lately comes on. That is unheard of for me.


I've managed to walk to and from the train station most days which amounts to a little over 2 miles and I've been running up and down the stairs of the four floors of the office regularly but it isn't the same as getting good and sweaty at the gym and it certainly can't compare to my cardio kickboxing class. I miss kickboxing so much it makes me want to cry that I can't go anymore.


I've only managed to get to the gym twice after work in the past 3 weeks. I took a self-defense kickboxing class that I didn't really like and a muscle fit class that was just ok. I also did a few days of the C25K so I'm now up to Week 4 Day 3. Who knows, I just might complete this 9 week program by this time next year. Slow and steady, right?


I've been searching for an affordable gym in my new neighborhood but they are all outrageously expensive and way out of my budget. Who has $300/MONTH to spend on the gym? Not me. I wish I did but that is not going to happen unless I hit the lottery and if that happened I wouldn't be working anyway.


As far as my weight goes, I hit my goal of losing 101 pounds on September 19th which was my first day back at work but I haven't seen that number again since. I even somehow managed to gain SEVEN AND A HALF pounds this past weekend. I know it's not really 7 1/2 pounds of fat but it is scary to see those numbers. It has already come down 2 1/2 pounds but it still makes me nervous.

I need to find time to do what is important to me. I worked too hard and come too far to let it all slip away because of my need for a paycheck. I don't know how you all do it. If you have any advice on how to add a few extra hours to the day, please enlighten me.

Must remember to breathe....

I'm Lost

What a crazy week! I was so excited to be able to start my first day back at work knowing I reached my goal of losing 101 pounds but I haven't seen that number again since Monday. I know I'll get back to it but my official weigh in this week brought me to an even 100 pounds lost. I still can't wrap my head around that number.

Where am I? What am I doing? How did I get here? How do I get to where I want to be?

I'm feeling so lost and confused. My head has been spinning out of control and I don't know how to stop it. I'm totally overwhelmed with the new job and just trying to hold it together. I couldn't even decide on what to get for lunch the other day, I just walked around and tried to stop myself from bursting out in tears. I ended up eating a banana and some cashews I brought because it was just too much for me to think about.

Not only am I lost in the office but I'm in a totally different part of the city and I don't know where anything is so I've been walking in circles, getting lost and trying to find my way around. I've spent all my working years in the Financial District and now I'm over in the Back Bay where it is certainly much cleaner and more upscale but it's hard to find places I can afford to go to.

There are so many new programs and procedures and it is taking me so long to complete the simplest tasks. I know I'm good at what I do so it's frustrating not being able to show it. I'm sure I'll be fine once I get my bearings and learn all the procedures but it's so hard. I've been electronically challenged this week too. Seems like every time I tried to do something, even though I was doing it right, for one reason or another it wouldn't work.

I miss my gym time and need to figure out what I'm going to do about that. I have been walking to the train station every day which is a little over a mile each way. I also took a self-defense kickboxing class Thursday night after work but I didn't love it. The instructor kind of rubbed me the wrong way and I didn't find it motivating although I definitely got a good workout. My arms were killing me on Friday and, as he promised, my abs were really sore this morning.

Just wanted to check in and let you know about my first week back at the grind. I haven't even mentioned that I joined Biz' Holiday Challenge yet. I hope to get a post up about that soon along with my plans for maintenance once I figure out what those are.

I hope you all are staying strong and taking care of yourself. I'm sorry I haven't been out there commenting as much as but I've been reading from my phone, usually on the train where I don't get service to be able to comment. Please know that I'm still cheering you on even if you don't get a comment from me.

Off to start Week 2. Dear God, please let it be better than Week 1.

Rock on my friends!

GOOOOAL!!!

What a day!

Today was truly a day of new beginnings. Not only was today my first at my new job but it was the day I finally reached my goal of losing 101 pounds! Talk about starting the day off on the right foot. My Wii scale showed 141.1 but I'm rounding down and calling it a victory. 101 POUNDS LOST! I can hardly believe it. Somebody pinch me.

It took 22 months of unemployment, relatively sane eating, lots of soul searching, faith, determination, tons of ellipticalling, walking, TaeBox, running and biking along with a little swimming, zumba, muscle flex, belly dancing and tabata but I DID IT! FINALLY!

No matter where you are on your journey, no matter how hard or unattainable your goal may seem, just keep moving in the right direction one step at a time. Don't worry about how long it will take you, how many obstacles you may have to maneuver around or how many restarts you have to make, just stay focused on your ultimate goal and you will get there. Remember, it's not a race, slow and steady will get you there eventually as long as you keep moving in the right direction. GO TURTLES!

Now comes the hard part ~ maintenance. Wish me luck.

Rock on, My Friends!

A New Beginning...

I will be starting a whole new chapter of my life tomorrow. A new job, a new schedule, a new gym, new classes, it's exciting and scary at the same time. I'm trying to stay positive about it and keep telling myself it will all work out the way it's supposed to. Everything happens for a reason and I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be.

I know I've been doing allot of bitching and moaning about going back to work, being scared of losing ground, worried about falling back down the dark, scary rabbit hole of bad habits, and not being confident in my ability to continue living this new healthy lifestyle but I'm working on changing my attitude. I've changed. I'm not the same person I was two years ago and my new job will not be like my old one.

Today is the last day of my glorious, life changing 22 month sabbatical. I am so grateful to have been able to take this time off and find myself again. As upset as I was about being laid off in November 2009 it ended up being the best thing that could have ever happened to me. There were so many more things I wanted to accomplish that I didn't get around to doing but I need to give myself a little credit for what I did accomplish. I'm happier, stronger and ALMOST 101 pounds lighter and that is certainly something to be proud of and I am proud.

I worked my ass off to get here and I'm not going to allow a job and my need for a paycheck to take any of it away from me. I was hoping I would hit my goal of losing 101 pounds before I started working again but 2 or 3 pounds really doesn't make any difference. If I really wanted to just see that number I could probably sit in a sauna and sweat it out but I've stopped playing those kind of games. It's not about the numbers anymore, it's about feeling good in my own skin, knowing who I am, letting my light shine and showing it to the world.

I am so thankful to have been given the gift of time to travel such a soul saving journey. I can't wait to see what has been written in the next chapter. I've been so blessed. Thank God for miracles. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

This is your life! Are you who you want to be?

Everything Happens for a Reason

My head has been spinning these days for a number of reasons. I haven't been able to put a coherent thought together in my head let alone get it down on the screen. Everything is jumbled. Nothing in this world makes sense but I know there is a reason for everything.

I was reading stories of 9/11 survivors who, for one reason or another, didn't make it to where they were supposed to be on that fateful Tuesday morning over ten years ago. They missed a train, a bus or a plane, their child was sick, they got stuck in traffic, they had a flat tire, the alarm didn't go off, they stopped to get band aids because their new shoes gave them blisters, so many random events that may have been irritating at the time but ended up being the one thing that saved them. You never know why things happen the way they do but there is a reason for everything.

As we marked the 10th anniversary of the September 11th attacks it drives home the point that you never know what could happen today, tomorrow, next week, next year. We worry about all sorts of things but the most life altering things are usually things we never even saw coming, they just happen. I'm still not able to look at the footage of that day in 2001 without crying like a baby so I avoided most of the news coverage.

To make a somber day even sadder, I had to attend the funeral of my friend and neighbor who had a heart attack the week before, spent a week in a coma and died at the age of 55. She was out mowing the lawn that morning and going about her day just like any other. As you can imagine, everyone is still in shock. A few weeks ago someone I know was hit by lightening in a fast moving storm, spent a week in a coma and then died leaving behind a wife and three children. What are the chances of that?

What I keep thinking is you just never know when your whole world will be turned upside down. Things like losing weight and working out don't seem so important in the grand scheme of things. Being with family and friends, enjoying every minute of your life and putting the tough times in perspective is what we should be doing, not beating ourselves up over what the scale says or fretting about eating some cake and ice cream.

Even though I've been trying to stay focused on what's most important in life, I've been stress eating and having nightmares about going back to work next week. I know it's a good thing. I've had a good run and should be ready to return to the workforce. I know I'm lucky to have found a decent job in this economy when so many others are struggling to find work. Earning a paycheck is very important but as this last week flies by I find myself mindlessly eating when I'm not hungry and worried about falling back into old bad habits.

I'll be attending my last cardio kickboxing class today since the gym is too far away from my new office to be able to make that lunchtime workout. I love that class and I'm sad I won't be able to continue going there twice a week for a good ass kicking. I'm not sure what my new schedule will be like, where and when I'll fit in my workouts or how I'll be able to handle this transition but I need to try to stay focused on what's important.

Even after all the stress eating I've been doing, I'm a mere 4 pounds away from reaching my goal of losing 101 pounds. It has taken me almost two years to get here and I am so thankful to have been given the opportunity to find myself again. I was so lost and miserable and feel so much better than I did two years ago. I need to have faith that I'll be able to handle whatever comes my way because I'm stronger now. I'm not the same person I was two years ago and I don't want to ever go back to that dark and miserable place.

Even though I'm feeling sad, scared and overwhelmed, I realize I really have nothing to complain about. We only get this one life and we should cherish every single moment we can. Change is hard but I'm sure I'll figure it out.

Enjoy every single minute because you just never know what the day or the future will bring.

Remember, Life is Good!

101 Days of Summer Finale

Time flies even faster when the weather is warm or scorching hot and humid. Those were the quickest 101 days of the year, huh? Hard to believe Labor Day is tomorrow. Before we know it there will be Halloween candy to tempt us, and then the big feasting holidays, Thanksgiving and Christmas, will be right around the corner. Then we'll be making those New Year's resolutions/goals again. Will yours be the same as every other year? Are you in a better place than you were last year? What do you need to do to make positive changes and reach those goals? Let's make the most of the remaining days of 2011. We're not getting any younger, you know.

So, here's my final stats for the 2011 101 Days of Summer Challenge:

WEIGH IN

6/1/11 101 Days of Summer Challenge 2011 Starting Weight: 149.5 lbs.
6/10/11 Weigh In: 148.2 lbs.
6/17/11 Weigh In: 147.5 lbs.
6/24/11 Weigh In: 147.5 lbs.
7/1/11 Weigh In: 148.4 lbs.
7/8/11 Weigh In: 146.4 lbs.
7/15/11 Weigh In: 146.4 lbs.
7/22/11 Weigh In: 147.9 lbs.
7/29/11 Weigh In: 145.7 lbs.
8/5/11 Weigh In: 145.5 lbs.
8/12/11 Weigh In: 147.7 lbs.
8/19/11 Weigh In: 148.6 lbs.
8/26/11 Weigh In: 149.0 lbs.
9/2/11 Weigh In: 147.3 lbs.

101 Days of Summer Challenge 2011 Total Loss: 2.2 lbs.

Starting Weight (11/2009): 242 lbs.
Current Weight (9/2/11): 147.3 lbs.
Total Loss: 94.7 lbs.

I was relieved to see a loss this week after three straight weeks of gaining. Even though I still haven't reached my goal of losing a total of 101 pounds I am slowly making my way to the finish line at my usual lightening turtle speed. As much as I want to see that goal number on the scale I'm pretty content where I am now. Losing another 6.3 pounds isn't going to make too much of a difference in how I feel but I'm still striving to get there.

HYDRATION

I've been staying sufficiently hydrated but haven't been paying much attention to how many ounces I'm taking in.

EXERCISE

Have I mentioned how much I love cardio kickboxing? I'm disappointed that I'm not going to be able to make these classes when I go back to work in a couple of weeks. The gym where I take the classes is a 20 minute walk from my new office so I would need a good 2 hours to get there, change, take the class, shower and walk back. The other gym I go to will be less convenient too so I'm going to have to do some research and find a new place to sweat. Lots of changes on the horizon but, as we all know, everything changes and we need to learn how to embrace the changes, good and bad.

DO NOT QUIT

I've come too far to ever give up. Quitting is NOT an option!

KEEP BLOGGING

I don't plan on going anywhere although I have been giving some thought to starting a fresh new blog once I hit maintenance.

ENCOURAGE OTHERS

Rah, Rah, Shish, Boom, Bah!!! I may not have been the best cheerleader but I'm always cheering you on in spirit.

C25K

I still haven't gotten past Week 4, Day 1 of the C25K program but I'm not so hesitant about running anymore. I'm going to complete this program one of these days.

GET TO GOAL and START MAINTENANCE ~ FINALLY

I still haven't reached my goal but I know I'll get there, slow and steady. I only have a little over 6 pounds to lose to reach my goal and it is statistically possible I could do it before I go back to work on the 19th *fingers crossed* It would certainly tie up my time off with a neat little bow. I'm extremely proud of all that I was able to accomplish while hanging out in the unemployment line. Now I need to find a way to make it all work while working.

Thanks to Biz for organizing the 101 Days of Summer Challenge again and a big thank you to everyone who has encouraged and supported me on this journey. We are in this together and we will reach whatever goals we set as long as we never give up trying.

Stay strong, be cool and rock on!

Peace Out!

Feeding My Emotions

The biggest problem with being an emotional eater is that I'm always feeling something. It doesn't matter what emotion it is, I want to feed it. Happy, sad, glad, mad, exhausted, confused, ecstatic, frustrated, disgusted, frightened, depressed, overwhelmed, hopeful, bored, anxious - it doesn't matter, food is what I've always turned to. I'm either trying to stuff the bad feelings back down or celebrate the good ones with good food. One of the biggest triggers of emotional eating for me is stress and I am feeling very STRESSED right now.

As you know, I was laid off in November 2009 and was blessed to have the opportunity to get my life back, focus on my health and happiness and remember what it's like to be happy. I am so thankful to have had the time to get my shit together, lose over 90 pounds and make some big changes in my life but now the bubble has burst and I have to get back to the real world. My unemployment benefits ran out and unless I hit the lottery in the next week I will be going back to the daily grind very soon.

I just got a decent job offer and I know I should be happy about it but instead of celebrating my good fortune of being able to get a job in this crappy economy I want to cry (and eat). I'm so afraid of falling back into the bad habits that made me miserable and obese. The office is too far away from the gym where I take my kickboxing classes so I won't be able to go anymore and that makes me sad. I love those classes. I know there are other gyms and I'll be able to find something in the area but it won't be the same.

I'm such a creature of habit and I don't handle changes very well. I'm so scared of losing myself again, letting stress take over and not having the time or the energy to do the things that make me happy and healthy.

I know many people have much bigger problems and are able to juggle and prioritize all the things they need to do to stay healthy, I just hope I can be one of them in time.

Do you have any tricks or tips on how to make time to workout? I know, just do it, right?

Wish me luck.

Final Slimmer this Summer Update and Last Week of 101 Days of Summer Challenge

What? It can't be. What do you mean it's the final weigh in for the Slimmer this Summer Challenge? Where did the summer go? Didn't we just celebrate Memorial Day? How can it be over already? Who turned the clocks on fast forward. It seems like just yesterday we were making all our summer plans and now Labor Day is next weekend.

I may not have the most exciting numbers to report but I feel like I made some good progress over the summer. I didn't reach my goal of 101 pounds lost and I didn't show much of a loss on the scale but there are other factors and lessons learned that are just as important. Just because the StS challenge is over doesn't mean much in the grand scheme of things. I'm going to continue to fight for my good health and I hope you are too.

Here's my stats for the week:

WEIGH IN

6/1/11 101 Days of Summer Challenge 2011 Starting Weight: 149.5 lbs.
6/6/11 Slimmer this Summer Starting Weight: 151.2 lbs.

6/10/11 Weigh In: 148.2 lbs.
6/17/11 Weigh In: 147.5 lbs.
6/24/11 Weigh In: 147.5 lbs.
7/1/11 Weigh In: 148.4 lbs.
7/8/11 Weigh In: 146.4 lbs.
7/15/11 Weigh In: 146.4 lbs.
7/22/11 Weigh In: 147.9 lbs.
7/29/11 Weigh In: 145.7 lbs.
8/5/11 Weigh In: 145.5 lbs.
8/12/11 Weigh In: 147.7 lbs.
8/19/11 Weigh In: 148.6 lbs.
8/26/11 Weigh In: 149.0 lbs.

101 Days of Summer Challenge 2011 Loss to Date: 0.5 lbs.
Slimmer this Summer Challenge Weight Loss to Date: 2.2 lbs.

Starting Weight (11/2009): 242 lbs.
Current Weight (8/26/11): 149 lbs.
Total Loss: 93.0 lbs.

That is certainly NOT how I wanted to finish off the Slimmer this Summer Challenge but it is what it is. I had my third straight week of gains but it's not the first time that's happened, it's not the end of the world and I'm definitely not giving up. I'm not happy about crossing over my "do not cross" line in the sand (150 pounds) early in the week but I'm glad I was able to work it back off before weighing in. Sure, it would have been nice to get to my goal during the challenge but I know I will get there and it will happen exactly when it is supposed to happen.

HYDRATION

I've been slacking a bit on my water consumption the past few days. I'm not dehydrated but I could be drinking more. I find it's so much harder for me to get my water in on the weekends when I'm not at the gym. I actually had a cocktail Saturday night while sitting out at the bon fire enjoying the calm before the storm.

EXERCISE

I got in some intense workouts this week including my regular cardio kickboxing classes, three days of sweating on the elliptical and some good long walks here and there.

DO NOT QUIT

I will never stop fighting this battle until I have evicted every last one of the unwanted pounds I've been lugging around for way too long. Even after I get to my goal weight I know that the fight is not really over. It will never be over. I know I will have to keep fighting for my health and not let any of my old bad habits sneak back into my daily life. I will not suffer through regaining ever again. I refuse to regain. Quitting is NOT an option!

KEEP BLOGGING

My last post about Feeding Your Faith was my 400th post after 4 years of blogging. It's exciting to actually show some progress since I spent the first two years bitching, moaning and crying about my weight but not putting in the effort to actually make any progress. I'm still here and I don't plan on going anywhere. I'm going to need all the help I can get on the next leg of this weight loss journey - maintenance.

ENCOURAGE OTHERS

I've been doing my best to get around and comment but haven't done as much as I wanted to do. I wish we could all give ourselves the support and encouragement we give to others so easily. The next time you leave an encouraging comment on another blog, turn it around and tell yourself the same thing.

C25K

I didn't make any progress on the C25K program this week but I feel better about being able to run now that my knee isn't screaming at me every time I do.

GET TO GOAL and START MAINTENANCE ~ FINALLY

I still haven't reached my goal but I know I'll get there, slow and steady.

THANK YOU!!! Thank you all for your support and encouragement. It really is an amazing supportive community we have here and I'm so lucky to have you all in my corner.

Stay strong, be cool and rock on!

Peace out!

Feed Your Faith

KEEP FEEDING YOUR FAITH AND YOUR DOUBTS WILL STARVE

How would we ever reach our goals if we don't believe it's possible? If you believe you can, you can! If you believe it's impossible, it is. You have all the power you need.

You can't lose 100 pounds overnight but you can take the teeny tiny steps in the right direction and little by little, slow and steady, pound by pound, you can lose it. You can change your habits, you can stop eating so much processed crap, you can drink water instead of soda, you can get your ass off the couch and break a sweat once in a while, you can take the stairs instead of the elevator, you can learn to feel your emotions instead of eating them and you can feel better in your skin if you really want it.

When you have over 100+ pounds to lose it can seem impossible, overwhelming and so out of reach. Even those last 10 pounds can seem just as impossible. No matter how much you have to lose, it's NEVER easy but IT IS possible.

There's allot of talk about "the switch" and "the wagon" and how it's either "on" or "off." I'm learning that it's not that simple. There is no switch and some days we're driving the wagon and other days we're chasing it down. There are hundreds of little decisions to be made each day and each one is an opportunity to get you closer or further away from your ultimate goal. There will be days that you will want to eat cake, have a cocktail or indulge in some decadent treat and that's ok. The problem is when we get into the all or nothing mentality. We think one splurge is a good reason to give up because it's impossible. How can I expect to lose weight if I just ate birthday cake? I might as well have another piece, right? WRONG! A splurge is a splurge and a treat is a treat. That's all it is. Enjoy it and move on.

We always want what we can't have so as soon as you tell yourself you can't have chocolate, ice cream, cake, cookies, chips, dip, whatever...that's all you think about, that's all you crave and as soon as you give in to those cravings, look out, it's a slippery slope back into those fat pants. Regaining weight that took so much effort to lose can be devastating. You can't just go back to your old ways that got you fat in the first place, you have to make permanent changes to keep the weight off permanently.

I'm sure we've all bought into one rapid weight loss plan or another over the years only to be let down by the promise to "lose all the weight you want without exercise and still eat your favorite foods." I call BULLSHIT on every single one of those plans. Don't buy it. Don't waste your money or your time. Sure, most of them will enable you to lose some weight but unless you are willing to follow the plan for the rest of your days the weight will come back. I know, I've been there. I've lost it a few times on one commercial plan or another before and it always came back. I couldn't eat food out of a cardboard box forever and I couldn't live the rest of my life without eating bread. I love bread. I decided life without bread was not worth living. I had to find a plan that worked for me and my life. I needed to break some weight loss rules and create my own rules. We can't always live by someone else's rules. What works for me may not work for you but you can figure out what does work for you and make it happen.

We live in a world of instant gratification. We don't want to have to wait for anything. You know the person behind you will beep the horn if you're not hitting the gas the second the light turns green. We want it and we want it NOW! If I eat right and exercise this week I deserve to see a loss on the scale, right? Well, sometimes that just doesn't happen for any number of reasons. We have to get over being instantly rewarded for doing the right thing. Just doing the right thing is the reward. I exercised allot and ate right all week and still gained 0.9 pounds. It doesn't seem fair but it is what it is. The number is just a number and not an accurate reflection of my efforts. It's not an excuse to slack off and give up.

We all want weight loss to be easy and effortless. It's easy and effortless to gain but it is a stubborn bitch to take off. I hate to break it to you but if you haven't figured it out yet, you have to face the fact that it takes effort, lots of effort, to change your lifestyle. There is no magic pill, it's not all sunshine and rainbows, and it doesn't happen overnight but if you are consistent in your efforts you will see results as long as you never stop believing. It does get easier once you make your new habits part of your routine but it takes a consistent effort.

There is a better way but only YOU can decide what is right for YOU. Is your plan working for you? What can you do right now, today, to get you one step closer to your goal? Take a small step in the right direction and you'll be one step closer to reaching your goal.

Keep feeding your faith and your doubts will starve. I know I will reach my goal and I know you can reach yours. Like Dorothy and her ruby slippers, we've had the power all along, we just need to use it.

Keep the faith!

Challenges Update

Can you believe we are in the home stretch of the Slimmer this Summer and 101 Days of Summer challenges? It's sad that we lost a few challengers along with way, some are still in it but struggling and some are showing us how it's done. Wherever you happen to be on your journey, today, right now, is a new day and a new chance to get on or continue on the path you want to be.

I'd love to be able to finish out the challenge strong by reaching my goal so I can finally throw my arms up in the air in victory like Rocky after he makes it to the top of those stairs. I can already hear the Eye of the Tiger music. I was anticipating reaching my goal of 101 pounds lost by the end of the challenges but that may be just out of reach at this point, not impossible, but highly unlikely given the lack of progress the past couple of weeks. I'm a bit disappointed but I know I'll get there eventually as long as I keep doing the right things and staying true to my motto ~ SLOW and STEADY ....

I had another rough week but that's just part of life, right? Everyone has stumbling blocks and obstacles they need to get over or work around and mine are relatively minuscule compared to what some others are dealing with so I'm not going to complain (too much). Life doesn't stop throwing things at you and there will never be a perfect time to get healthy, it's never easy. I know I have to make the best decisions I can every single day no matter what is going on in the world around me.

I made up for last week's missed workouts by joining my sister in law at her fancy smancy gym on Monday for a double workout consisting of a Body Flex class and a Belly Dancing class. I'm pretty sure I burned more calories laughing at myself trying to belly dance than the actual workout. I'm not the most coordinated or graceful gazelle in the herd so this was definitely out of my comfort zone. I felt like I was trying to rub my stomach and pat my head at the same time. It was HYSTERICAL! I got my ass kicked at TaeBox on Tuesday and Thursday and hit the elliptical for sixty minute sessions on Wednesday and Friday in addition to the usual walks.

Last week I mentioned I had breakfast for dinner a couple of times (pancakes and french toast) and I wanted to clarify it wasn't the food itself because I have no problem eating pancakes and french toast occasionally for breakfast on the weekends but having it for dinner prevented me from getting my usual doses of protein and vegetables. I also notice when I eat lots of white carbs and simple sugars it sets off cravings for more. I prefer eating those types of food early in the day so I have a chance to burn it off during the day.

Anyway, without further ado, here's my challenge stats:

WEIGH IN

6/1/11 101 Days of Summer Challenge 2011 Starting Weight: 149.5 lbs.
6/6/11 Slimmer this Summer Starting Weight: 151.2 lbs.

6/10/11 Weigh In: 148.2 lbs.
6/17/11 Weigh In: 147.5 lbs.
6/24/11 Weigh In: 147.5 lbs.
7/1/11 Weigh In: 148.4 lbs.
7/8/11 Weigh In: 146.4 lbs.
7/15/11 Weigh In: 146.4 lbs.
7/22/11 Weigh In: 147.9 lbs.
7/29/11 Weigh In: 145.7 lbs.
8/5/11 Weigh In: 145.5 lbs.
8/12/11 Weigh In: 147.7 lbs.
8/19/11 Weigh In: 148.6 lbs.

101 Days of Summer Challenge 2011 Loss to Date: 0.9 lbs.
Slimmer this Summer Challenge Weight Loss to Date: 2.6 lbs.

Starting Weight (11/2009): 242 lbs.
Current Weight (8/19/11): 148.6 lbs.
Total Loss: 93.4 lbs.

Yup, another week, another gain. As much as I want to reach my goal, I'm not too upset about these fluctuations because I have been maintaining a 90+ pound loss and staying under my line in the sand of 150 pounds. I think my body is very comfortable in this range. I'm wearing sizes 4s, 6s and 8s, I feel healthy and strong and I'm just not going to make myself crazy trying to get to a specific number on the scale because that's where all the trouble started almost 30 years ago. It will happen when it happens. The most important lesson I've learned over the past 21+ months is that it's not all about the numbers, it's about the healthy habits I've made a part of my life.

HYDRATION

This month marks THREE YEARS since I gave up Diet Coke. I still find it hard to believe I don't even crave it anymore. I used to have Diet Coke with my coffee for breakfast and would drink three or four additional glasses every single day. Now I generally drink only coffee, tea and water (and an occasional cocktail). I'm still getting at least 64+ ounces of water a day and more if I'm working out in the heat so I'm saying hydrated.

EXERCISE

As I mentioned, I tried a couple of new classes (Body Flex and Belly Dancing) and got in some good sweaty workouts this week. It's crazy to think that getting in my workouts is the "easy" part of my healthy living plan. I'm sure it won't be so easy when I go back to work but I'll find a way to fit it in because it's a very important part of healthy living.

DO NOT QUIT

Quitting is NOT an option! I'm all in.

KEEP BLOGGING

Hi, I'm still here!

ENCOURAGE OTHERS

I'm so happy to see many of you working the slow and steady plan, marching to the beat of your own drum. Keep marching, especially you!

C25K

No C25K progress this week but I'm determined to get through Week 4, Day 2 OUTSIDE soon.

GET TO GOAL and START MAINTENANCE ~ FINALLY

Today is not the day but I'll get there eventually.

Stay strong, be cool and rock on!

Peace out!

Slimmer this Summer and 101 Days of Summer Challenges Update

I had a rough week. The weather has been dreary and so have I. I'm not sure what it is. I don't know whether it's just allergies, a cold or what but I don't feel right. Maybe I'm making myself sick just thinking about having to go back to work soon. When I filed my unemployment claim this morning it said after this week's claim I don't have any remaining benefits. Yikes! Oh well, I had a good run. I made good use of my time off. I've lost over 90 pounds. I accomplished something.

I guess I really need to get my ass in gear and get serious about finding a job now. Nothing like waiting 'til the last possible moment, huh? I'm glad I was able to take advantage of every single dollar of my benefits and every single day I had to get my life back. I know I should be ready to go back to work after all this time but I'm nervous about it for lots of reasons. I'm sure it will be fine once I get back into the swing of things but I'm scared. Change is scary but if we don't change we don't grow, right? I have to keep reminding myself change is good.

Because I wasn't feeling so hot my workouts weren't as good as they usually are. I didn't even get a workout in on Friday because I got up late after a long sleepless night and spent over three hours at the salon getting my hair done. It takes a long time to cover the evidence of my 40something years. The good part is my hair looks fabulous. Too bad I can't work the magic and it only looks great for a couple of days because I don't have the patience to spend the time on it.

In addition to slacking on workouts, I had breakfast for dinner twice this week (pancakes and french toast) and there was a night out that included a couple of volcano bowls and sodium packed chinese food so I didn't expect to be any closer to my goal this week and I was right.

Here's the evidence of the consequences of my actions:

WEIGH IN

6/1/11 101 Days of Summer Challenge 2011 Starting Weight: 149.5 lbs.
6/6/11 Slimmer this Summer Starting Weight: 151.2 lbs.

6/10/11 Weigh In: 148.2 lbs.
6/17/11 Weigh In: 147.5 lbs.
6/24/11 Weigh In: 147.5 lbs.
7/1/11 Weigh In: 148.4 lbs.
7/8/11 Weigh In: 146.4 lbs.
7/15/11 Weigh In: 146.4 lbs.
7/22/11 Weigh In: 147.9 lbs.
7/29/11 Weigh In: 145.7 lbs.
8/5/11 Weigh In: 145.5 lbs.
8/12/11 Weigh In: 147.7 lbs.

101 Days of Summer Challenge 2011 Loss to Date: 1.8 lbs.
Slimmer this Summer Challenge Weight Loss to Date: 3.5 lbs.

Starting Weight (11/2009): 242 lbs.
Current Weight (8/12/11): 147.7 lbs.
Total Loss: 94.3 lbs.

Yup, that's a 2.2 pound gain for the week. It's certainly not the direction I want to be going in but I know why and that is half the battle. I know it's just a blip in the screen and I will get to my goal eventually. I'm still fighting the fight and I have faith I will make it to my goal soon (sooner if I cut out the cocktails and pancakes but that's all part of life, right?).

HYDRATION

I haven't been tracking how many ounces of water I'm drinking but instead have been trying to determine my level of hydration by the color test. When my pee gets to be a very pale yellow, almost clear, I know I've had enough water for the day. There are so many different studies about how much we should drink and I recently read a new one that says you should take your weight and divide it by 2 and that is how many ounces of water you should be drinking. It sounds like a good rule of thumb but I'm liking the color method.

EXERCISE

I got a few good workouts in at the beginning of the week but things kind of fizzled out by the end of the week. I got some ellipitcalling, kickboxing, and walking in but no running this week.

DO NOT QUIT

Quitting is still not an option! I'm all in.

KEEP BLOGGING

Oh yeah, I'm still here.

ENCOURAGE OTHERS

Still trying to get around to everyone and spread the love. I'm so happy to see many of you working the slow and steady plan, marching to the beat of your own drum. Keep marching!

C25K

No progress this week but I'm determined to get through Week 4, Day 2 OUTSIDE soon.

GET TO GOAL and START MAINTENANCE ~ FINALLY

Today is not the day but it will be here soon enough, I just know it.

Stay strong, be cool and rock on!

Changes...

Change is so hard but it's totally worth all the effort and struggle it takes to change. I'm such a creature of habit and often get stuck going to the same places, eating the same foods, and doing the same things over and over again because it's familiar and comfortable. We get so complacent in our routines and tend to live our lives on auto-pilot, not really thinking about what we do and what the consequences of our actions will be. It's just easier to keep doing what we're doing than to make the effort to change.

After melting off 90+ pounds, I feel like I finally shed my fat suit cocoon and I am just learning how to spread my wings and fly. Being so weighed down, stressed out and depressed affected almost everything I did. Even at my heaviest weight I was still pretty active but stress eating, emotional eating (no matter what emotion) and binging would negate any activity burn I would get. No amount of exercise is going to make up for regular binges of thousands of calories.

I've never paid much attention to horoscopes, numerology and other hippy-dippy cosmic theories but I downloaded an app on my phone and have been checking my horoscope lately just for sh*ts and giggles. It's been interesting to see how accurate it has reflected back what has been going on in my life lately.

Here's what I read yesterday:

Cancer Aug 7 2011
Native Americans find guidance in nature, with many trees and animals offering specific symbolism. If a butterfly were to begin to show up frequently in someone's life, for example, it might signify some kind of transformation. You are very close to the earth and its creatures, Moonchild. You can relate to this kind of spiritual sensitivity. Right now there's a recurring theme in your life. You've probably been wondering about its significance. Yes, it has meaning. If you interpret with your heart and your intuition, you will receive the wonderful message it is sending you.

As an adult, I've never gotten involved in any type of organized religion but I've always felt a spiritual connection especially when I am out enjoying and taking pictures of the beauty in nature. Hiking and ATVing through the deep woods, watching the seasons change, snowmobiling through the pristine snow covered trails, looking up at the milky way, wishing on shooting stars, being awed by the magnificence of the Aurora Borealis...it all makes me feel so small in the grand scheme of things but also connected to something so much bigger than me at the same time.

Not only did I receive a butterfly wing necklace for my birthday but I have been seeing butterflies flutter around me more than I ever have before. Is it some sort of sign? Is nature trying to tell me something?

I believe we are constantly being sent messages and it's only when we are able to turn down the noise of everything going on that we are able to hear the messages. Have you ever gotten a message through nature? Do you believe in signs? Are you willing to make a change?

Slimmer this Summer and 101 Days of Summer Challenges Update

We finally got some relief from the sweltering heat and humidity last week. Ahhhh...it feels so good to be able to breathe again. I was starting to feel like a caged animal being trapped in the recycled air-conditioned rooms. It was so cool and beautiful out I decided to skip the gym for an outdoor workout last week. More on that to follow.

We are only a few short weeks away from Labor Day and the unofficial end of summer and the official end to these summer challenges. How is everyone doing? Are you closer to your goals now than you were in June? Are you making progress? holding steady? or need a jump start?

Here are my most recent stats:

WEIGH IN

6/1/11 101 Days of Summer Challenge 2011 Starting Weight: 149.5 lbs.
6/6/11 Slimmer this Summer Starting Weight: 151.2 lbs.

6/10/11 Weigh In: 148.2 lbs.
6/17/11 Weigh In: 147.5 lbs.
6/24/11 Weigh In: 147.5 lbs.
7/1/11 Weigh In: 148.4 lbs.
7/8/11 Weigh In: 146.4 lbs.
7/15/11 Weigh In: 146.4 lbs.
7/22/11 Weigh In: 147.9 lbs.
7/29/11 Weigh In: 145.7 lbs.
8/5/11 Weigh In: 145.5 lbs.

101 Days of Summer Challenge 2011 Loss to Date: 4.0 lbs.
Slimmer this Summer Challenge Weight Loss to Date: 5.7 lbs.

Starting Weight (11/2009): 242 lbs.
Current Weight (8/5/11): 145.5 lbs.
Total Loss: 96.5 lbs.

Another .2 pounds gone! It's not much but it's going in the right direction so I'm happy with it.

HYDRATION

Still not paying much attention to my water consumption but I'm sure I'm getting enough.

EXERCISE

Ellipitcalling, kickboxing, walking and RUNNING! Yes, running! Well, not what runners would consider running but running for me.

DO NOT QUIT

I'm ALL IN! Quitting is not an option!

KEEP BLOGGING

Hi! I'm still here.

ENCOURAGE OTHERS

Still working my way around, spreading the love and trying to encourage everyone to march to the beat of their own drum. Keep marching!

C25K

I RAN! OUTSIDE! Last Wednesday when the heat wave broke I decided to skip the gym and take my workout to the beach. My knee was feeling better so I thought I would pick up the C25K program where I left off. I completed Week 4, Day 1 of the program which included FIVE WHOLE MINUTES of running. I think it was the first time I ran outside since I was a kid and it felt amazing, weird but amazing. What a difference it is running outside than feeling like a hampster on a wheel trudging along on the dreadmill at the gym. It was great to be outside and RUNNING. I was a little giddy and thought about running like a crazy kid ala Phoebe on Friends but I held back from making a complete fool of myself. I still don't think I'll ever consider myself to be a "runner" but I'm glad to be making some progress on the C25K program after being sidelined for so long.

GET TO GOAL and START MAINTENANCE ~ FINALLY

I'm not there yet but I'm two tenths of a pound closer to my goal. I know lots of people would be totally frustrated with such slow progress but the slow and steady plan is working for me so I'm sticking with it. I know I will get there no matter how long it takes and I will have learned the lessons I need to learn to keep it off this time.

Stay strong, be cool and rock on!

Speedy Turtle Out!

How Did I Get Here?

As I sit here, I am a mere 4.6 pounds away from reaching my goal of losing 101 pounds. Really? I'm wearing sizes 4's, 6's and 8's. Really? I'm working out regularly. Really? I love kickboxing. Really? I'm not binging and stuffing my emotions down with food anymore. Really? I still indulge in cakes, cookies and ice cream on occasion. Really? Who am I and how did I get here?

My goal weight is probably higher than "they" recommend but I think it's realistic and maintainable. It's a little crazy to think that my goal weight is probably the same weight I was when I started my very first diet and thought I was SO FAT. Oh, why are we so stupid when we're young? Why can't we really see ourselves? What was I thinking?

Losing weight, no matter how you do it, is NEVER easy. We all want a magic pill, a quick and easy plan, a list of foods to eat and a list to stay away from. We look to anyone and everyone to tell us HOW to do it when, like Dorothy with her ruby slippers, we finally realize that we have the power, we've had the power all along.

I do feel like I had a little bit of an advantage this time around because when I got laid off in November 2009 I got rid of the crushing stress that was sucking the life out of me and had the luxury of having the time to devote to going to the gym like it was my job. I was determined to take advantage of the time and work on finding myself.

For the first few months I pretty much stuck to the elliptical machine. I always picked a machine that was far away from the mirrors and in the back row because I didn't want to look at myFATself and I certainly didn't want anyone else watching me. I would struggle to stay on there for 30 minutes at Level 1. I was barely able to keep the machine from shutting down because I was moving so slow. It was hard but I forced myself to go and just do it at least 5 days a week. After a few months I was able to increase my time to 60 minutes but it was hard. Very rarely I would venture off to the dreadmill (snore), bike (ouch-knee pain) and weight room (zzzzz) to mix things up a bit but I felt I got my best workouts on the elliptical.

Although I've never been much of a cook, funds were low and I was forced to cut down on eating out. No matter what I threw together at home it was almost always healthier and less fattening than anything I would get at a restaurant. I wasn't stress eating and I was getting better at controlling my binge episodes. I wasn't stressed out and there weren't so many emotions swirling around anymore so I stopped trying to stuff them down with vast amounts of food.

The weight wasn't coming off fast, as you can clearly see from my weekly weigh-ins on the sidebar, but it was coming off, sometimes a tenth of a pound at a time, sometimes adjusting upwards, but I knew I was onto something. I felt better and more determined than ever. I was doing something consistently and I knew if I stuck with it I would continue to see results.

After I lost about 50-60 pounds I finally worked up the courage to try a Zumba class and shortly after that my friend invited me to join her for a cardio kickboxing class. As you know by now, I absolutely love getting my ass kicked. I wish I had done it sooner. There isn't a single person in those classes that care how heavy you are, how high you can kick or how much you sweat. They are there for themselves and don't really care how you look. I can't believe I now look forward to working out and will rearrange my schedule so I don't miss my classes.

It took way too long but I finally learned that there is no magic pill or easy way to lose weight. You may find something that works for a while, allows you to drop the weight and then it all comes back and brings more fat along with it. I didn't try to force myself to live by someone else's rules. I didn't count points, I didn't count calories, there were no foods that were off limits, I still ate cake and cookies and everything I wanted but I ate it in moderation. There were no rules and there was no deadline.

There wasn't a single week over the past 20 months that I lost more than 5 pounds. The most I lost in a single week was 4.8 pounds and then the following week I gained back 3.3 pounds. Of course I loved seeing the numbers on the scale go down but they didn't tell the whole story. The scale lost its power to control my attitude once I realized that it wasn't all about the numbers as long as I continued to work out consistently and eat relatively healthy 90% of the time.

Unfortunately, I will be going back to work soon and I'm really nervous about being able to get my workouts in and not letting stress eat at me but I have faith I'll find a way to work it out. It's important and I know I need to do it so I don't backslide back into obesity.

I truly believe that we need to make our own rules and find a plan that works for us as individuals. Eat the foods you like, find something you enjoy doing that works up a good sweat, take care of yourself and know that if you stick with your plan consistently you will see results. It's not a race to the finish line, slow and steady will get you there too. I like to say "I'm fast like turtle now." I don't know when but I do know I'll cross that finish line no matter how long it takes.

Why did it take me so long to figure things out? Why did I waste so many years being fat and miserable? How am I going to make sure I don't ever put that fat suit on again? I'm not sure. I do know that I wouldn't be here if I gave into the despair and sense of hopelessness I felt for so long. No matter where you are on your journey, don't ever give up trying, you don't know how close you are to finding what works for you.

The most important thing I've learned is to never EVER give up!