Monday, August 31, 2009

One is Never Enough

I'm a prime example of that potato chip commercial that says "I bet you can't have just one." I don't have an off switch and can never stop at one of anything. Those of us that suffer with a compulsive binge eating disorder there is no such thing as "just one." No matter how much I try to convince myself I will only have one or a single serving, I just can't stop myself from going back for more and more until I'm sick to my stomach.

Don't ever wait ten minutes to ask me for a lifesaver out of a pack I just bought because they will probably be gone by then so I don't buy them anymore. I inevitably end up eating one after another. Some people use gum as a trick to keep from eating but I will chew piece after piece until the entire package is gone. I'll start out by portioning out a handful of crackers or other snack but will keep going back for handful after handful until I've emptied the box.

The only way to stop this compulsive eating is to not start in the first place. Once I start eating I don't know how to shut it off even if I feel full and my stomach hurts. It is in my head and I'm not sure how to shut it off to stop it. The times I have been successful with weight loss have been when I completely avoid those simple carbs that never seem to fill me up no matter how much I eat. I think the simple carbs are a trigger for me to just keep eating more and more and never feel like it is enough.

This mentality is the reason I can't keep snack foods in my house. I can't handle the temptation and I can never have just one. I need to learn how to control this compulsive eating because no amount of time sweating on the treadmill will make up for the out of control binges.

Friday, August 28, 2009

Original South Beach Diet

My brother likes to say there is only ONE diet that always works. It's the Original South Beach Diet: vodka, cocaine and cigarettes. It's extremely effective but can only be used by the young and stupid and I am neither.

I still enjoy a little Stoli, Grey Goose, Kettle One or Absolut now and then but I haven't touched blow since sometime in the mid-80s and I kicked the cigarette habit around the same time back when they cost $1.25/pack.

I'll admit it's tempting because you definitely get results quick and it's so easy to do because when you're drunk or strung out on nose candy you don't even think of food and we all know that cigarettes kill your taste buds but I think I'll keep trying the old fashion tricks of eating healthy foods and moving my a$$.

Things were so much easier when I was young and stupid. What's the worst effective diet you've tried?

Monday, August 24, 2009

No More Cake!

So many birthdays, so much cake. Is it really necessary to eat cake to enjoy the celebration? Isn't it enough that I bring a card and a gift? Just because I refuse the cake doesn't mean I'm not celebrating your birthday. Why does everyone push the cake like crack when you work up the strength to say "no thank you"? Saying "No" is hard enough without you trying to change my mind and convince me that I must have a slice. Yes, I'm sure I don't want any. No, not even a little piece. Really, I'm sure.

It wouldn't be so bad if I didn't always give in to the cake pushers. Honestly, I don't want any more cake, I don't need any more cake, I'm trying to get years worth of cake off my a$$. Please stop pushing the cake. Please!

Thursday, August 20, 2009

How bad do you want it?

I ask myself this question every single day. If losing weight is so important to me, why do I keep screwing it up?

I spend every day trying to make the right choices and doing what I have to do to get this weight off but after a long stressful day at the office my defenses are down and I end up stuffing my face with foods that are NOT on my healthy eating plan. Maybe I should start going to sleep as soon as I get home from work. Either that or have my jaw wired shut after dinner.

This has got to stop. I can't keep torturing myself like this. Any suggestions on how to stop acting like a spoiled child and start acting like I really want to lose weight? I really really want it BAD!

Thursday, August 13, 2009

Hear Me Roar

If you are not one of Jack Sh*t's 307 followers you don't know what you're missing. Jack usually posts lighthearted crazy lists, rhyming posts and fart jokes but when he comes up with something serious it just blows me away.

His post today was brilliant. You can read it all here. What really made me think was when Jack asked:

"Am I really doing all I can to succeed?

If you can honestly say “yes,” then God bless you, but I suspect that you’re in the minority if that’s truly the’ve got to get serious about this if you want to find the success you claim you want. You need to shift it into high gear, and start getting it done, and I mean like, today. You can half-ass it for as long as you want, but the real results aren’t going to happen for you until you knuckle down. Until you get serious.
There is a lion in my heart, and he’s roaring at the fat that I’ve saddled myself with by being stupid and lazy. Roaring at the complacency that allowed me to put my own health and future in jeopardy. He’s roaring at me every day, filling my spirit with grit and reminding me that this is my day, this is my time. He’s pushing me to run wild and pounce on this chance, this opportunity to reclaim my life. This journey is not for the weak or the meek; it is for the strong-willed and the lion-hearted.
It’s time for you to roar."

WOW! What a powerful post, huh? My roar sounds like a meow but I'm working on it. I will ROOOAAAARRRR!

Time for me to get my Sh*t together. Thanks Jack!

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

More to Love

This show should change its name to "More to Hate." Most of the women on the show are just setting themselves up for ridicule and pain. It was painful to watch the looks of despair and desperation on their faces while they were waiting to see if they got their ring back.

I don't know why I tortured myself by watching it again. This show is NOT about "real" women; it's more about women who have no self esteem who want to pin their hopes on some cheesy sleazy guy just because he doesn't have a problem with the size of their a$$. UGGHH!

I guess it's only fair to tell you that I hate all these type of shows. I don't know how anyone can think they're in love after just meeting someone in this kind of set up and then fighting dozens of others for their affection. I'm sure it's great for the ego of the one person who gets to do the choosing but I'm afraid of what it's going to do to these already fragile women. If this were a show about real people they would have woman of ALL sizes and wouldn't focus all the attention on weight and food.

I don't think I can force myself to watch another episode of this show or my head may just explode. No more "More to Love" for me.

Friday, August 7, 2009

Working for the Weekend

It is no secret I absolutely HATE my job. I despise 98% of the lawyers in my office and feel physically ill walking in the doors every work day. I know it's not healthy and if I didn't desperately need the paycheck I would have quit a long time ago. I've been sending resumes, going on interviews and praying I can find another job so I can get out of there before I lose my mind but this economic crisis is making it almost impossible for me to leave.

I try to psych myself up everyday telling myself "don't let them get to you," "only "x" more hours to go," "it's not personal, they are a$$holes to everyone," "let the rude and obnoxious comments roll off," and "rise above it all" but it is physically and mentally draining to have to do this over 40 hours every week.

I'm so happy it's FRIDAY! Only 9 hours to go ....
* My apologies to the few good/honest/considerate/normal lawyers out there (all 3 of you).

Thursday, August 6, 2009

Saturday, August 1, 2009

Tragic Loss

Here in the world of weight loss blogging we do allot of navel gazing. We agonize over our fat and how desperately we want to get rid of it, we struggle, we work hard, we encourage each other and we spend so much of time fretting over what the scale will tell us. Did we eat enough fruits and vegetables? Did we refrain from eating sugary treats and fattening stuff? Did we workout hard enough and long enough?

Some fellow bloggers feel like family even though we've never met in real life. These are the people who cheer for our successes and encourage us to keep trying when we slip up. We feel like we really know them because they let us into their lives through their blogs. Some of us inspire (not me) and some of us get inspired by the successes of the weight loss rock stars.

We spend years of our lives worrying over our weight when it really isn't important at all in the big scheme of things. Of course we need to take care of ourselves but it is more important to live our lives RIGHT NOW, not after we lose "X" amount of pounds.

I've spent all morning crying over the tragic death of Kimberly Emmert, a woman I never met. Kimberly is Jen's mother who was struck and killed by a man backing out of a driveway as she was walking her grandson yesterday afternoon. I imagine she walked this walk many times and yesterday was just another day out walking until tragedy struck and she was gone.

Jen has been an inspiration to me and I loved reading her Mom's comments on her blog. Her Mom was always encouraging and supportive of her and it was a joy to have a peak into a healthy mother-daughter relationship. It is something I wish I had.

Today is the day Jen was hoping to hit the 100 pound loss goal she set for herself two years ago.

Do you think Jen even gave a second thought to what the scale said today? I have a feeling she would gladly take back all the weight she worked so hard to lose if she could have her mother back.

Life is too short to waste time stressing over our weight. Yes, we should eat healthy, exercise regularly and do whatever we can to live a long and healthy life so we can be with our family and friends. We don't know how long we have and we need to cherish every moment. Don't waste another minute of your life.

Live your life to the fullest RIGHT NOW and be sure to tell the people you care about how much they mean to you. You never know when they will be taken from you or you taken from them.

My heart is breaking for Jen and her family. I will be keeping them all in my thoughts and prayers and hope they are able to keep Kimberly alive in their hearts with their happy memories.