Thursday, July 5, 2012

FAT is NOT a FEELING...

I know FAT is NOT a feeling but when I attempt to squeeze into pants that fit loosely just a few short months ago that is exactly how I feel...FAT. I've been kicking myself a bit for giving away all my fat clothes because I was so sure I was NEVER going to go back there but here I am. I'm not back into the biggest sizes, thankfully, but I'm not going in the direction I want to go.

Fat, bloated, stuffed, depressed, stressed, anxious, frustrated, disappointed and confused - that is how I've been feeling.  How could I let myself regain AGAIN? I swore I wouldn't let it happen AGAIN and here I am AGAIN.

I had good reason to be scared of regaining weight when I went back to work last September because I've done it so many times before. I really thought this time would be different.  I thought I had finally figured it out.  I had finally learned to love working out and thought that was the key to keeping the weight off.

I was able to find a way to get to my kickboxing classes twice a week and I get in at least 3 miles of walking almost every day but that just hasn't been enough to keep the pounds from creeping back on.  I know there is no amount of exercise that can make up for overindulging on a regular basis and when I'm stressed or bored at work the first thing I want to do is eat. Stress eating and emotional eating is my thing and I need to figure out a way to prevent myself from reaching for snacks all day long when I am NOT hungry for food.

Something has got to give because I've already lost so much ground and I need to stop it.  Aside from quitting my job, which, unfortunately, I just can't swing financially, I don't know what it's going to take but I'm going to find a way.

I need to stop feeling FAT because I know FAT is NOT a feeling.