My head has been spinning these days for a number of reasons. I haven't been able to put a coherent thought together in my head let alone get it down on the screen. Everything is jumbled. Nothing in this world makes sense but I know there is a reason for everything.
I was reading stories of 9/11 survivors who, for one reason or another, didn't make it to where they were supposed to be on that fateful Tuesday morning over ten years ago. They missed a train, a bus or a plane, their child was sick, they got stuck in traffic, they had a flat tire, the alarm didn't go off, they stopped to get band aids because their new shoes gave them blisters, so many random events that may have been irritating at the time but ended up being the one thing that saved them. You never know why things happen the way they do but there is a reason for everything.
As we marked the 10th anniversary of the September 11th attacks it drives home the point that you never know what could happen today, tomorrow, next week, next year. We worry about all sorts of things but the most life altering things are usually things we never even saw coming, they just happen. I'm still not able to look at the footage of that day in 2001 without crying like a baby so I avoided most of the news coverage.
To make a somber day even sadder, I had to attend the funeral of my friend and neighbor who had a heart attack the week before, spent a week in a coma and died at the age of 55. She was out mowing the lawn that morning and going about her day just like any other. As you can imagine, everyone is still in shock. A few weeks ago someone I know was hit by lightening in a fast moving storm, spent a week in a coma and then died leaving behind a wife and three children. What are the chances of that?
What I keep thinking is you just never know when your whole world will be turned upside down. Things like losing weight and working out don't seem so important in the grand scheme of things. Being with family and friends, enjoying every minute of your life and putting the tough times in perspective is what we should be doing, not beating ourselves up over what the scale says or fretting about eating some cake and ice cream.
Even though I've been trying to stay focused on what's most important in life, I've been stress eating and having nightmares about going back to work next week. I know it's a good thing. I've had a good run and should be ready to return to the workforce. I know I'm lucky to have found a decent job in this economy when so many others are struggling to find work. Earning a paycheck is very important but as this last week flies by I find myself mindlessly eating when I'm not hungry and worried about falling back into old bad habits.
I'll be attending my last cardio kickboxing class today since the gym is too far away from my new office to be able to make that lunchtime workout. I love that class and I'm sad I won't be able to continue going there twice a week for a good ass kicking. I'm not sure what my new schedule will be like, where and when I'll fit in my workouts or how I'll be able to handle this transition but I need to try to stay focused on what's important.
Even after all the stress eating I've been doing, I'm a mere 4 pounds away from reaching my goal of losing 101 pounds. It has taken me almost two years to get here and I am so thankful to have been given the opportunity to find myself again. I was so lost and miserable and feel so much better than I did two years ago. I need to have faith that I'll be able to handle whatever comes my way because I'm stronger now. I'm not the same person I was two years ago and I don't want to ever go back to that dark and miserable place.
Even though I'm feeling sad, scared and overwhelmed, I realize I really have nothing to complain about. We only get this one life and we should cherish every single moment we can. Change is hard but I'm sure I'll figure it out.
Enjoy every single minute because you just never know what the day or the future will bring.
Remember, Life is Good!