Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Never Say Never

Hello...is anyone still out there?  I've never been the most consistent blogger but a post once a month shouldn't be too hard to handle, huh?  Thought I'd drop in and tell my sad tale of weight loss (regain) woes.  If you want to be inspired I suggest you check out my blogroll and visit those who are rocking the healthy lifestyle because I certainly haven't been one of them lately although I'm not giving up so there is still hope for me yet.

I really need to think long and hard before I use words like "NEVER" and "ALWAYS."  It seems as soon as we utter the word "never" circumstances change and we find ourselves doing exactly what we said we would NEVER EVER do.  It seems like the universe conspires to make us eat words like "never" and "always."  How many weddings have you been to where people promised to "always" love each other 'til death they do part only to be divorced in a few years.  I swore I would NEVER EVER regain the weight I worked so hard to lose. I thought I had it all figured out. I learned how to love exercise and looked forward to sweating my ass off at the gym.  I thought that was the key but I'm sorry to say that has not been the case.  I haven't gone back to binge eating but I have been eating too much, too often, and way too many meals out.

Exactly one year ago today I hit my goal of losing 101 pounds and went back to working a full time job after being unemployed for 22 months. During my unemployment I was able to focus my time on getting in shape and it worked.  I felt great and swore that I would NEVER let myself get fat again.  I guess I have NOT really figured anything out.  Well, that's not true, I've figured out that I can lose weight, exercise regularly and eat right as long as I don't have to work a full time job at the same time.

I'm not back at square one but I honestly can't even tell you how much weight I regained because I'm afraid to get on the scale.  It's crazy that I weighed myself almost every single day for years but I'm afraid to get on the scale and see the actual number now.  I would say I'm at about square 50 and it's depressing as hell to think about trying to lose those pounds all over again.

I have learned that I don't handle stress well and I suck at time management and forcing myself to get up early enough or go to the gym after work when all I want to do is get home and de-stress.  I'm still walking to and from the train station (3+ miles) everyday.  I'm still going to my favorite cardio kickboxing classes when I can get out of the office but I haven't been able to regularly make it to both classes every week.  The biggest problem is the stress eating and not taking the time to make healthy meals when I get home so late and I'm just too damn tired.

It really sucks to keep going through this.  I've run into a few people I haven't seen in a few years and they ask if I've lost weight and compliment me and tell me how great I look so all is not lost (regained).  I don't have 101 pounds to lose but even if that number is 50 it is still a tough pill to swallow but I'm going to have to face the scale at some point and figure out a way to lose weight and work for a living.

I'm not giving up.  I'm going to figure out a way to do this once and for all.  Time to get back to square 50....  Wish me luck.

Rock on!

16 comments:

  1. You can do it. I know you can. Tomorrow morning just stop on the scale and own it. Remember that number is just a reference and doesn't define you, so don't let it affect you. It's just a start point.

    Have you thought about doing some bulk cooking on one of your weekend days to prepare meals for the week to make it easier for you? Having cooked brown rice in the freezer along with cooked chicken breast. You can thrown some in a saute pan with frozen veggies and a bottled sauce (teriyaki, sweet and sour - or make your own) and have a quick stir fry.

    Stress eating is a tough one. I keep altoids on hand to pop when I want to stress eat. Yeah, they have calories, but a lot less than a bunch of cookies. You just have to figure out what your new normal is and adapt to it instead of reacting to it.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Ditto Lori. Hop on the scale , make a plan. I batch cook every Sunday. Lots of microwaving good food fast and pleanty of fresh veggies stocked and dinner is ready quick during the work week.

    Best thing to do is to own it and go back to what worked for loss. Or try something new. It took me about 6-8 weeks of being food sober ( not eating wheat or processed sugar ) to figure out I really needed to not eat that stuff ever again. Triggers too much to want to stress eat. Then I had to practice new habits for the stressful times.

    Will be cheering you on.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Life happens, what matters is what you decide to do right now.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Don't you hate when you've got something figured out and then life changes the rules on you? Stress eating is a double-edged sword, you eat because you're stressed and you get stressed because you're eating when you know (or what you know) you shouldn't. I know you can take a deep breath, get on the scale and get started again. You did it once and (even though you wish you didn't have to) you can do it again.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I can remember saying "I'll never go back to xxx weight again - I'll never let myself go like that again"...but guess what? It happens to the best of us, sweets, so you're not alone. What's important is that you don't give up - keep experimenting and finding ways to make it happen until you find something that will work with your crazy stressful life. The answer is out there, you (we) just have to find it. Good luck - I'm pulling for you!

    ReplyDelete
  6. I'm in a bit of the same boat. I'm with ya. :) You'll move forward again, and this will just be something to look back on!

    ReplyDelete
  7. How did I miss your post 5 days ago? It's great to hear from you, and I guarantee that posting here is a first step back to where you'd like to be. I echo the other comments (and you've probably done it by now), to just face the music and get back on the scale beast. You'll feel calmer just knowing where you stand, and regardless of its "verdict", you'll be motivated to regain that awesome mojo you had and that is still inside of you. Keep us posted - and I can't begin to tell you how many times I've regained lost weight. This is hard stuff - you're up to the challenge.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Yep, its hard having to juggle work and exercising. I don't have the commute you have, and I still can't get my ass out of bed. All I know is last August I was 156 and a year later I am at 172.

    My husbands unemployment situation (I don't talk about it on the blog) is super stressful - we have two new cars and I have no idea how we will make the car payments on my salary.

    But my latest challenge of 170 miles in six weeks? I know its only day 4, but so far its kept me accountable - I always eat better when I exercise.

    If you need to vent feel free to email me any time! mybizzykitchen@gmail.com - hugs!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  9. its kinda like that saying about relationships...funny how people (primarily women) take care of themselves, and start to live their lives after a break up and enjoying the 'single" life...same i think with work...it is all about finding the balance and management of ALL that we want and need to do...

    Never ending story!

    ReplyDelete
  10. Hope you are having a great week! Hugs!

    ReplyDelete
  11. Just came across your blog and it's funny, I've realized I'm an ALWAYS or NEVER girl as well and am working on eliminating those words from my life. Now I notice every time I say them, way too much.

    ReplyDelete
  12. You don't have to start all over so that is an advantage. The strength it took the first time should be more than enough to overcome with a full time job.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving!! Hugs!

    ReplyDelete
  14. I was thinking about you lately...and hope you're doing okay. :D

    I had this same situation a few years ago when I thought I had "permanently" lost a certain amount of weight because I had done so well for so long (2 years in a row), but nothing is permanent, I found out, and we all have to keep fighting the good fight.

    :-) Marion

    ReplyDelete
  15. Hey, MB! How are you? Hope you've found your way back. I finally did. Still struggling with some things after major life upheaval, but life is always throwing stuff at us, right? Keep fighting!

    ReplyDelete
  16. HAPPY NEW YEAR CHICK, MAY 2013 BE AN AWESOME YEAR FOR YOU.

    ReplyDelete

No Sugar Coating Allowed