Thursday, August 23, 2007

Feel Like a Number

I've spent the majority of my life striving to attain a number. I'm always focused on the numbers. Every diet starts by calculating how many weeks it will take to lose x amount of weight . . . if I lose 2 lbs a week I can be down 32 pounds by Christmas but the first week I get on the scale and don't see the 2 lbs loss I get frustrated and lose focus the of big picture.
I'm a photographer - I know how important focus is. I need to focus on the everyday decisions and not the end result. That doesn't mean I'm not going to get on the scale to track how many pounds I lost but if I'm going to make a lifetime commitment to change the way I deal with food I need to take it one decision at a time. Let the numbers fall where they may. The journey should be what it is all about - not the end result. I don't want to crunch numbers every day for the rest of my life. I don't want my life to be ruled by the numbers on the scale, how many calories, how many miles on the treadmill, how many inches, what size pants, etc. I don't need the scale to tell me whether I should feel good or depressed that day. I just want to feel better about myself.

I don't know if I'm ready to post all the numbers. There are so many people out there who are so open about how much they weigh and what their measurements are but I am so embarrassed about my weight. I don't think I have the courage to put it out there for everyone to see. I'm going to start off by working off 70 pounds and hopefully will find the courage to post some pictures and some measurements. I'm not even going to think about how many weeks that will take. I'm just going to work on getting there when I get there.


  1. Here's the thing. They're YOUR numbers, so if ya don't wanna post them, just don't :) I love how this blogging thing works, lol. But seriously, I can't even measure my number w\o buying a new scale, so I feel you. I totally get it. But remember, you aren't walking down the street with a sign announcing your weight. It's a blog, and a tool, so if it helps to post, then post and if not, screw it!

  2. Hi! I just discovered your blog. I noticed a comment that you had left on Bean's blog, and I decided to pop on over and say hi.

    I read through your posts, and I can relate to SO much of what you've written! I just want you to know that you are not alone in this. You are not the only one who has struggled with these issues. I think we all have, to one extent or another.

    Don't be discouraged. This is a battle for all of us. We're going to have good days, and we're going to have bad days. But we can win this thing together. So hang in there!

    I'll be checking in on you. :)


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