Out of Control

I feel so out of control and unable to get a handle on my weight, well, I can get ahold of some serious love handles but that is the problem. I've been trying to work through all the emotional baggage I've been carrying around for most of my life, trying to figure out why I keep doing this to myself, why I need to stuff down my emotions with food instead of feeling them, why the food seems to be more important than my desire to lose weight. I'm wondering if I will ever really figure it out.

I'm so tired of fighting this fight and not making any progress. I'm beat down by the compulsive eating and binge episodes and the despondency I feel after I do it. I'm sick of not being able to wear 90% of the clothes in my closet. I'm desperate to change my life and feel good about myself again. I feel like I've hit rock bottom and have been living at rock bottom for years now.

I can't take it anymore. It's time to pull myself up, stop making excuses, stop stuffing my emotions with food and start making changes. It's obvious I need to change my ways if I want to get this weight off. The only good thing about being at rock bottom is there is nowhere to go but up.

Biggest Loser - Season 8

I have to admit I have a love/hate relationship with the Biggest Loser. I've watched every season and will continue to watch it but there are so many things that really annoy me about the show. Here are just a few reasons why I hate it:

1. It's Dangerous. When people have to be med-flighted out of the first physical challenge because they collapse from exhaustion and dehydration, they are obviously working out way beyond their physical capacity. Some of these people probably haven't walked around the block in years but they are supposed to run a mile in the heat on their first day? I'm just waiting for them to seriously injure or kill someone the first day. It is scary.

2. The Big Sell Out. Do they really need the revenue from ALL the Product Placements? Brita water bottles, Wrigley's gum, Protein Powder, etc. etc. The show is extremely popular so I don't think they really need to pimp themselves out with all the product placements. Oh, don't even get me started on the fact that Jillian is hocking diet pills.

3. Repeating/Repeating. I realize Americans have a short attention span but is it really necessary to repeat what we just saw 3 minutes ago before the commercials? This is the biggest reason why I'd rather record the show instead of watching it live.

4. Abuse. I can't deny they get results but I don't think I would ever pay a trainer to get in my face and scream and swear at me. Jillian scares me. I know it is done for the shock value and makes for good tv but I don't find it to be motivating, I think it's mean.

5. Rapid Weight Loss. Every weight loss article and doctor recommends losing 2 pounds per week and these people are losing 5,8,10,28 pounds in ONE WEEK. That just doesn't seem right, does it? It breaks my heart to see people being disappointed and voted off for losing 13 pounds in a week. How is 13 pounds not enough to lose in a week? I know I would be thrilled to lose 13 pounds in a month.

6. Tears. It makes me cry like a baby. I know I am super sensitive but I was balling my eyes out from the first 3 minutes until the previews.

There are other things that irk me about the show but I think these are the biggest ones. Even though I have a long list of things I don't like, I love watching it and don't think I've ever missed an episode. The reasons why I overlook all of the above:

1. I can relate. I see a piece of myself in almost every one of the contestants. I may not weigh as much or have the health issues they have but there is always something I can relate to.

2. Inspiration. I get inspired to get off the couch and work out. If these people can work out for hours and pour buckets of sweat, I can get on the treadmill for an hour, right? If someone who weighs 100 pounds more than me can push themselves to do it, so can I.

3. Changes. I love seeing these people change their lives. It takes a few episodes but eventually we get to see the moment when these people "get it." They flick the switch and accept that they have to change their lives if they want to lose weight and get healthy.

4. I LOVE BOB! I still don't know what team he plays for but he is HOT!

5. Live Blogging. The only good thing about watching the show live instead of recording it is being able to participate in Fat Bridesmaid's live blog. It's so much fun to watch the show with my blogger friends.

The best thing about this show is that it encourages me to kick up my own weight loss efforts and I can use all the encouragement I can get.

What have you done today to make you feel proud?

UPDATE: Check it out, Hilly asked me to republish this post on Snackie TeeVee. How cool is that? I feel honored. Thanks Hilly.

Begging for Change

People who want to lose weight know they need to change the habits that made them fat. Change is hard and change is scary but it is inevitable. Everything changes. Change is good and we should stop trying to fight it.

We can't keep doing the same things, getting unsatisfactory long term results and repeating the process over and over. That's not change, that's going in circles. Most people who are successful in losing weight stop eating crappy chemical laden foods, watch less tv, eat real healthy fruits, vegetables and protein, and move their bodies regularly until they work up a good sweat and they commit to a different healthier lifestyle. If they are successful they change their bad habits with good and they change their lives.


This post is really about a different kind of change unrelated to weight loss but it shows that no matter how much we crave change and even beg for it but we have to be willing to accept it.



I was walking down the street during my lunch hour in downtown Boston last week when I noticed a nickel on the ground. I pick it up since in these tough financial times, every little bit helps, right? Before I put the found money in my pocket I notice a "homeless" guy I see all the time in the same spot standing there with his cup jingling. I've seen this guy for years and he has never been very nice whether I give him money or not but whatever. I drop the nickel in his cup with a smile and walked past only to hear a coin drop in front of me. I turned to my friend and asked "did that guy just throw the nickel at me?" WTF! Really? Was it not enough? Does he only accept quarters or dollars? Was he offended I picked it up and didn't add to it before giving it to him? I guess since he doesn't pay taxes he can afford to throw money away.



I think this experience just goes to prove that even if we are out there begging for change we have to be able to accept it when it is given to us.

Never Forget

It's hard to believe it's been 8 years since the life of Americans changed forever. We will never forget that day.

Manual Labor Day

Every muscle in my body aches and I didn't even hit the gym this weekend. We've been building an addition on our camp and spent the entire weekend raising the roof. I went up and down and up and down the ladder so many times my legs were shaking by the end of each day. My shoulder is throbbing and I can barely make a fist with my right hand because it's numb from using the framing nail gun, that thing is heavy.

As much as I hate my office job I know I'm not cut out for construction work. There's a reason it's called MANual labor. I don't know if it was the country air or pure exhaustion that made me sleep so well but I was out like a light as soon as my head hit the pillow.

Bill was dancing all over the roof without anything to hold on to while I was moving like a snail afraid of falling with every single step. We got the roof raised and will hopefully get it enclosed and protected from the elements the next time we're up there.

It was so nice to have a three day weekend up north although I wish I got some time to relax. Between Bill being sick and in the hospital all last summer and building the addition this summer it seems like we haven't had any time to play. I really need to get some play time.

The weather was so beautiful and we were able to get allot accomplished so it was a very productive weekend. Hiking up and down the ladder onto the roof is a better workout than any stair machine I've ever been on. I didn't get any traditional workouts in over the weekend but I can definitely feel the burn. Time to find my muscle relaxers.