I am so thankful and feel truly blessed to have had the opportunity to get my life, body, soul and mind back in shape over the past year and a half but as the saying goes, "all good things must come to an end" and I have to admit I'm really scared. I don't want to go back into that deep dark hole ever again. I don't want to feel sick every single day I have to go to work and feel like I've sold my soul for a paycheck.
The clock is ticking and I'm at the point where I really need to get back to the daily grind. I've been interviewing and I can feel my stress level increase just walking in the doors of these law firms. I know they are not all going to be as bad as the place I worked but I'm still nervous and worried about how I'm going to find a way to make sure I don't let stress take me back down that road again. I was reduced to tears almost every single day and would feel physically sick just getting off the elevator in the morning.
When I got laid off in November 2009 I was extremely stressed out, depressed and tipping the scales at my highest weight ever. I joined the gym and spent an average of 5 days a week sweating on the elliptical for hour long sessions. I was able to get a handle on my stress/binge eating and stopped trying to stuff my feelings down with food.
It was a very slow process but I've managed to lose over 80 pounds and I'm so close to reaching my goal weight. Over the past six months I found out that I LOVE kickboxing and experienced how amazing an endorphin high can be. I have more energy and look forward to getting out of bed instead of hitting the snooze button over and over again.
Is it just going to be a matter of time management and finding the time to get to the gym? How will I handle the urge to eat all the crap that is always around the office? How will I respond when I feel overwhelmed with work and having to deal with difficult, hard to please lawyers who expect miracles?
I don't have the answers but I'm hoping some of you have some good advice. It's coming down to the wire and I'm going to have to find a way to make it work. Help! I'm scared! Any suggestions?
Monday, April 11, 2011
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I worked at a law firm for 4 years. I enjoyed the work, but man, those egos! We were all made to feel like dogs in front of our peers at the firm meetings. I don't get the sick feeling when I go there now, but I DO get the sick feeling when I go in the bank where I worked for 10 years before the law firm job. That was where my major stress was, and I have to literally get my business done and GET OUT. I guess I have no advice for you, just know you're not alone.
ReplyDeleteThis might be way off the chart, but I think you should get certified as a personal trainer or some other fitness type person, since that seems to be where your light shines. I don't know if financially it would make sense, but it might be something you want to think about. :)
ReplyDeleteYou know I feel your pain. When I had an interview a few weeks ago for a 9-5 type job, all I could think about was how it would affect my healthier living goals.
ReplyDeleteIn the end, we both KNOW we are capable of great things--more than we ever imagined--and we've learned the importance of putting ourselves and our health FIRST. We just have to trust ourselves to get the job done.
I can relate to the dread about re-entering the uber structured work world. Also, where I am in my life now makes the idea of dreading each work day impossible. I couldn't live that way anymore.
ReplyDeleteI wish you the best on the job hunt, and also totally admire your slow and steady journey down the scale.
I understand your worry, but I really think that you will handle this upcoming change very well. Often, I find the people who falter are those who don't really think about all the implications in advance and aren't mentally prepared.
ReplyDelete80lbs is a fantastic loss especially since you've been under the pressure of unemployment. Facing all that I probably would have added a few people to my girth.
ReplyDeleteEach law firm will not be like that last one. And if they are, it's got something to do with your innards. So double-check within yourself to see what it is about working in that environment that gets you so unnerved.
Sorry to sound like a mom.
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ReplyDeleteJo: Wish we all could get paid to do the things we love to do. Work is such a necessary evil, huh?
ReplyDeleteJill: I love that idea but I'm not sure I'm ready for that yet. It would be great to get paid to stay in shape ;)
Cammy: I'm not sure I completely trust myself yet but I know I don't want to go back to that miserable life. I'm so much happier now and will fight hard to keep that feeling going strong.
Leslie: The slow and steady (Cammy's Tippy Toe Theory) is the way to go!
Diane: I'm trying to wrap my head around it and prepare for the stress. Maybe now that I have exercise for an outlet I'll be better equipped to handle all the b.s.
Janell: Don't be sorry - Moms know best. You are absolutely right. I need to learn how to not let those bastard lawyers get under my skin. This week I crossed the 90 lb. loss mark!!! Now onto the hardest last 10!!! ;)