There are tons of determined and focused woman out there working hard and reaching their goals while I continue to spin my wheels. I read way too many blogs looking for that kick in the ass, that charge of inspiration, that spark to get my weight loss engine started. I know it isn't out there in blogs, magazines or The Biggest Loser - the spark is all in my head.
I'm so disappointed that I am no more closer to my goals now than I was back in July (just spinning wheels, round and round). I need to get my priorities straight and stop f'n around. I want this, I've wanted this for decades, I NEED to do this right this time. The sugar highs cannot be more important than my happiness. What am I trying to stuff down? Where is my strength to stop that fat girl's cravings and binges? She must be stopped. I need to dig out the root of my disordered relationship with food and learn why I keep making the same mistakes and repeating history. I can't keep letting the fat girl win the food battles - she is killing me.
I'm not giving up but I'm not going to make myself miserable over the holidays. The pressure of the season and the semi-annual 3 week long visit from "Mommy Dearest" is pushing me to the edge. On top of everything I just can't handle looking at the needle on the scale anymore. It is just too frustrating and depressing. I want to celebrate the holidays without the weight loss noose around my neck.
An amazing woman gave me some very good advice today (thanks Savy) and I'd be a fool not to take it. So here's the plan:
My goal is to NOT gain ANYTHING from this point forward until January 1st. I will not worry about losing weight right now; I'm just going to hold the line. This seems easy enough since that is what I've been doing lately but the catch is I am not going to weigh myself for the rest of the year. I will weigh myself tomorrow morning, write it down, and then I will not get on the scale again until January 1st. This will be tough because over the years (decades?) I have gotten into the bad habit of weighing myself every single day (sometimes multiple times a day). I don't think I'll miss getting on the scale and seeing the same number day after day but I'll need to find a place for my scale to spend the holidays. I'm going to have B hide it in the basement or bury it in a closet because I don't think I can resist its daily call; like food, if I see it I'll want it. So, bye, bye scale - see you in January.
I will also do a minimum of 30 minutes of some physical activity every day, even Christmas, even if it's just a slow walk. That's it. That is the goal for the rest of the month. I'm sure some of you will think this is a cop out but I think it will be good for me to regroup and get myself together for the amazing journey I will take for the last time.
In January 2008 I will post my weight and pictures (well, ahhh ... ummm, I'll have to work on the pictures), I will set very specific short term and long term goals, and I will get rid of this fat once and for all. I'm going to recharge my batteries, find that spark and get ready to kick some fat ass in 2008. Until then I'll be here holding the line.
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
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You CAN do it :). Just remember to breathe.....and take lots of mini-breaks and walks around the block when your mom is there.
ReplyDeleteYeah I agree, you have to start at the root to get the plant to bloom and flourish...so after the new year, dig deep.
And never forget, "Fall seven times, stand up eight"
I hear you..it is so frustrating to think about where you COULD be or where you SHOULD be. but if you think that way, then yes weight loss does seem really frustrating and overwhelming. you need to focus on what you have accomplished and I think you have accomplished a lot. focus on a smaller goal than just a total weight loss goal. I know that helps me. If I think, god its still 20 something pounds utnil my goal I feel overwhelmed. but when I think ok, only 2 pounds until I get to 179, etc., I have something to look forward to each step of the way.
ReplyDeleteI know that you can do this and be successful and you are right, the time is NOW to keep on going with this, not after the holidays.
This is the worst time of year to try and lose weight...
ReplyDeleteand yet here we are, cockeyed optimists.
Hooray for the brave few resisting the cookies!
Hang in there :)
Sounds like a good plan. But now I've got that Toto song "Hold the Line" in my head.
ReplyDeleteWhy do I imagine you banging your head against something before you wrote your blog entry? I do believe the holidays can drive anyone crazy. Temptations at work, family cooking, people talking about succulent food while your trying to stay in focus. I hope and pray you do "hold the line". You may even surprise yourself. I did.
ReplyDeleteI'm doing the same thing right now. My goal is to NOT gain between now and the end of the year. I'm using these few weeks to make sure I know my plan, organize my pantry, plan a few menus, put together an exercise routine and get my support system in place so I'm ready to kiss this weight goodbye starting in Janaury!
ReplyDeleteWe can do this!!
Bloom where you're planted...
ReplyDeletewho said that? :)
The good news is - the more times you've tried (and failed), the closer you are to trying and succeeding. I recently downloaded something called "Inside Out Weight Loss" from the podcasts section of iTunes (and it was free !!) and I am finding it very helpful. The author (speaker) addresses lots of the issues you are struggling with ... I'd highly recommend it. And feel free to e-mail me, I'm a regular chatterbox.
ReplyDeleteHope you don't mind me dropping by! I feel for you...and don't worry about whether or not it's a cop out..it's a goal-that's the important start! And it's all up to YOU....that's the key to remember. Once you've achieved that goal (and if you want to, you will achieve it) then you can set the next goal starting from January 1...walking for an hour a day instead of just 1/2 hour-and throw out the worst diet culprit and replace it with something healthy. Try that for the month of January-and each time you reach these goals-you will feel better and better about yourself-and realise you can lose the weight and set the bar higher!
ReplyDeleteHope this helps! Cheers!
Holding the line IS progress. So is dumping that darn scale. :) Not knowing what you weigh is going to change the decisions you make because that snapshot you get every day is missing. My guess is that by January you will feel better than you have in a long time about your weight, even if it hasn't changed. :)
ReplyDelete