Goodbye 2008

I'm glad to see you go (no, not "you" but the year 2008); I'm always glad to see "YOU" so please keep coming to visit. 2008 certainly wasn't the best of times and it wasn't the absolute worst of times but 2008 wasn't very good to me and I'm looking forward to better days in 2009.

The year started off with promise and optimism as each new year does with that fresh calendar and clean slate but in February when B broke his back it just seemed to go downhill from there. There weren't enough good days to balance out all the bad.

I had a huge fallout with my Mother during her visit in May and things still haven't been resolved. It's hard to forget things people say, especially people who are supposed to love you, but I'm trying to forgive even though I can't forget. I blocked out lots of my childhood and I can't do that now as an adult. Things will never be the same with my Mother but she is who she is and isn't going to change so I have to learn to deal with it and move on.

Since May we have only communicated through e-mail and some of hers were pretty nasty but we did talk on the phone briefly on Christmas day so at least that first phone call is out of the way. It is sad because she lives so far away and we're not getting any younger. It's hard to work on the relationship when we haven't been able to make any better memories since her last visit. Is the mother/daughter relationship ever easy?

B just recovered from his back injury and things were looking better when B was attacked by a nasty case of fungal meningitis that could have killed him. The 2-3 weeks the overworked seemingly uncaring medical "professionals" misdiagnosed him was hell but we were lucky they finally did the right thing before he had any permanent damage. Our entire summer was spent in and out of the hospital which is never a good place to be.

Who knows what would have happened if I didn't freak out and insist they give him the spinal tap. I did learn the lesson of the necessity to speak up and not take no for an answer when it comes to health care because the doctors don't know what is normal for you or your family. Sometimes you have to kick and scream (not literally) to get them to listen but you have to do it. It could be a matter of life and death. I still don't think he has recovered 100% but he's almost there.

If all that wasn't enough to deal with they laid off a few key people at my office after 10 years, reassigned me, moved my desk to a dark, messy, crowded corner which made me even more miserable every single day I have to walk through those doors. I've started looking for a new job but with this economy there really isn't anywhere for me to go right now so I have to suck it up, do my job and collect my paycheck without shedding tears or making myself crazy.

I didn't make an ounce of forward/downward progress in my weight loss efforts in 2008 which makes me just as frustrated now as I was at the beginning of the year. I had consistent losses and just as consistent regains. I got pretty good at maintaining an all-time highest weight which is not something I'm proud of.

I know I need to put more effort into getting healthy and getting this weight off. I'm thinking of a different strategy for the upcoming year. I'm working on a life plan to get me into shape and take care of myself and not worry so much about the scale, the numbers, the clothes sizes, etc. I get so focused on the scale and the numbers that I get discouraged and binge or lose a few pounds and then act like a spoiled kid and reward myself with some sinful sugary fat pill and set myself back to square one.

I'm looking forward to better days in 2009. Thank you for encouraging me and lifting my spirits when I was down. I hope to have more to cheer about in the coming year and look forward to sharing with you.

Happy New Year 2009!