Wordless Wednesday - Spring Edition

Happy Patriots Day!

Patriots Day, also known as Marathon Monday, is a BIG holiday here in Boston. It was a perfect day for a run. Oh, not for me, I'm still struggling to complete the C25K program but it was a good day for those crazy fit people who are able to run for 26.2 miles! I can't even imagine being able to run that far but I admire every single person who attempts it. I didn't go in town early enough to get a good spot to take pictures of the runners but I had fun seeing everyone walking around with their white and silver capes like superheros. They are my superheros. Congrats to all who ran, walked, or crawled across the finish line!

It's Always Something ....

WOW! What a week!

As Roseanne Roseannadanna* used to say, "it's always something - if it ain't one thing, it's another. I was disappointed I didn't get my usual workouts in last week due to a bunch of different reasons. Sometimes life just gets in the way, ya know? I did go to the gym Monday for an hour long session with the elliptical, got my ass kicked at TaeBox on Tuesday and went on a few walks here and there but that was it. It's funny that a couple of years ago that would have been a great week of workouts.

B had to have some minor surgery on Thursday (he's fine now) so I wasn't able to go to kickboxing and both of our vehicles are at the repair shop so I didn't have any wheels to get around. We've been having quite a run of bad car karma these days. We've spent about $2,000 in repairs in just the past couple of weeks and the vehicles still aren't running right.

I really need to suck it up and get back to work soon. How do you really know what you're getting yourself into when everyone seems so sweet and nice when you interview with them? I know you will think I'm crazy but I actually turned down a job last week. Who does that in this economy? Have I lost my mind? Maybe. I turned it down because it was an extremely HIGH stress position for extremely low dirt pay and I just wasn't willing to sell out knowing I'd be walking right back into a bad situation. I do have two interesting interviews set up for next week though so I'm keeping my fingers crossed I'll end up in a good place.

Anyway, just wanted to check in and let you know what's been going on with me.

*Most of you are probably too young to remember Gilda Radner's SNL News character Roseanne Roseannadanna. Roseanne Roseannadanna would read a letter, usually from the ever-curious Richard Fader of Fort Lee, New Jersey. The letter would ask a series of questions, usually about some current social issue, to which Roseannadanna would usually reply, "Mr. Fader, you sure do ask a lot of stupid questions for a guy from New Jersey," or "You belong in New Jersey!" Then she would sometimes make a derogatory comment about New Jersey. She would then answer the questions. While answering the questions, she would invariably digress, launching into a lengthy anecdote with no relevance to the topic at hand, frequently having to do with an encounter Roseannadanna had had with a celebrity. Invariably, the story would lead into Roseannadanna's going into disgustingly graphic detail about bodily functions or personal hygiene; with these details, she would use a famous celebrity as an example and say that she would ask these celebrities, "What are ya tryin' to do, make me sick?!"

Eventually, Jane Curtin would interrupt, stating, "Roseanne, you're making me sick." Curtin would then ask her what her comments had to do with the question. Roseannadanna's response was, "Well, Jane, it just goes to show you, it's always something--if it ain't one thing, it's another."

All Good Things

I am so thankful and feel truly blessed to have had the opportunity to get my life, body, soul and mind back in shape over the past year and a half but as the saying goes, "all good things must come to an end" and I have to admit I'm really scared. I don't want to go back into that deep dark hole ever again. I don't want to feel sick every single day I have to go to work and feel like I've sold my soul for a paycheck.

The clock is ticking and I'm at the point where I really need to get back to the daily grind. I've been interviewing and I can feel my stress level increase just walking in the doors of these law firms. I know they are not all going to be as bad as the place I worked but I'm still nervous and worried about how I'm going to find a way to make sure I don't let stress take me back down that road again. I was reduced to tears almost every single day and would feel physically sick just getting off the elevator in the morning.

When I got laid off in November 2009 I was extremely stressed out, depressed and tipping the scales at my highest weight ever. I joined the gym and spent an average of 5 days a week sweating on the elliptical for hour long sessions. I was able to get a handle on my stress/binge eating and stopped trying to stuff my feelings down with food.

It was a very slow process but I've managed to lose over 80 pounds and I'm so close to reaching my goal weight. Over the past six months I found out that I LOVE kickboxing and experienced how amazing an endorphin high can be. I have more energy and look forward to getting out of bed instead of hitting the snooze button over and over again.

Is it just going to be a matter of time management and finding the time to get to the gym? How will I handle the urge to eat all the crap that is always around the office? How will I respond when I feel overwhelmed with work and having to deal with difficult, hard to please lawyers who expect miracles?

I don't have the answers but I'm hoping some of you have some good advice. It's coming down to the wire and I'm going to have to find a way to make it work. Help! I'm scared! Any suggestions?

Numbers Game

I apologize for being so inconsistent with my posts. Seems like I wrote more when I wasn't losing than I do now. I'm probably one of the most inconsistent bloggers around but just because I haven't posted does not mean I've given up and fallen off "the wagon." I'm still here and going strong. Well, maybe not strong but I'm going and getting stronger every day.

I did manage to gain 2.8 pound this week but I'm not really that upset about it. After weighing myself every single day for over a year I've learned that my weight can fluctuate up to 5 pounds from one day to the next, it doesn't necessarily mean I binged or didn't work out all week. It can be such a head game but we have to learn how to get over the numbers. It is what it is and we can't let it throw us off track.

We've all played the numbers game, right? We start a diet determined to lose "X" amount of weight in "X" amount of days and if we don't see the numbers we want on the scale we tend to throw our hands in the air and give up because what's the use. We workout, we eat right and we don't lose as much as we expected to lose or may even show a gain. It's enough to make you crazy and start thinking negative, self-defeating thoughts and send us running to the kitchen to stuff down our frustrations with all the foods we had been denying ourselves. We tend to say things like "What's the use? I exercised every single day, avoided all those yummy foods I wanted and gained weight. I give up." Don't ever give up!

I'm happy to say that I've stopped playing this numbers game for the most part. Over the past year and a half I have concentrated more on my workouts, fighting the urge to binge and mindlessly eat and being more consistent with my food choices. Some weeks I only lost .1, some weeks I gained and on rare occasions I would lose a few pounds. Whether I lost or gained I've just continued to do what I've been doing and eventually the scale catches up.

I find it a little hard to believe I've lost over 80 pounds and only have about 15 pounds to lose to get to my goal. We all know those last 10-15 pounds are the hardest, right? They're all hard if you ask me but I'm just going to continue to do what I need to do and not worry about how many days/weeks/months it will take me to get there. It's not a race. It took years, decades, a lifetime even, to put it all on so why do we expect it to come off as soon as we sweat for 5 minutes or eat a carrot?

Hang in there, take care of yourself, move your body, fuel it with good stuff and be patient. We'll get there as long as we never give up. It's kind of like the lottery, you can't win if you don't play so get out there and get in the game. Rock on!