Monday, May 23, 2011

Time of My Life

I've had the time of my life the past 18 months and sadly it's all coming to an abrupt end. If you've been coming around here for a while you may remember how much I hated my job and how stressed out I was. I felt sick every single day I walked off the elevator into my office to be tortured and abused just to collect the almighty paycheck. I put up with that abuse for way too long and I don't ever want to go back to that life.

I spent the first two and a half years of this blog wanting to lose weight but never actually making much progress. It wasn't until I got laid off in November 2009 that I started making any real progress on the weight loss front. The past 18 months have been such a blessing and I'm so thankful I was able to take advantage of the time I had off. I know instead of going to the gym almost every day and dropping 90 pounds it could have easily gone the other way if I sat home in front of the tv and stuffed myself from boredom.

I spent countless hours on the elliptical. I attempted to complete the C25K program (still working on that one). I've learned how hard yoga is even though it looks so damn easy. I started lifting weights and feeling strong. I've Zumbad and I found out how long 20 seconds is doing Tabata. I found out I LOVE cardio kickboxing and actually enjoy going to the gym now. I stopped binging on crappy processed foods but still indulge in foods I love. Nothing is off limits and everything, even cake and ice cream, is fine in moderation.

I have to be honest and admit I'm extremely nervous, almost terrified, about going back to work next week. Is it too soon? Should I have held out for more money? Should I have waited until I got to my goal weight? How do we ever know if we made the right decision?

How will I find the time to get to the gym after working 40 hours? How will I resist eating the crappy food that is always in the office? How will I deal with the stress? How will I make sure I don't fall into the same traps that tripped me up before? Am I strong enough to handle it now?

I'm really scared. I don't want to go back to that miserable life. I don't want to be sad, depressed, tired, lazy and fat. I am stronger now but am I strong enough? I'm hoping I've learned enough over the past 18 months to make sure I don't lose myself again going back to the daily grind. I don't ever want to gain back all the weight I lost or lose the self-confidence I found.

What really scares me is the fact that I've been here before. I've been so close to reaching my goal weight only to go back to bad habits and regain all the weight again and again. I can't let that happen again. This time will be different. I'm different. I'm not going to let a job and my need for a paycheck take that from me NO MATTER WHAT!

The transition will be hard but I pray once I get into the groove I will find a way to make it work. I see YOU making it work and I just need to learn how to do it too. Please, show me the way. I don't want to get lost again. Please let me know if you have any advice on how not to lose myself again now that I found a job.

As always, thank you so much for all the support! You are the BEST!!!

Last call ....


  1. I think your concerns are normal but you need to give yourself some credit! You have come so far. Maybe you should put something together to remind you of where you were and where you are now. Maybe some pics or some writings you did back then vs now. And because you have been exercising I bet you dont let yourself go back because once yourbody gets a taste of how good it feels when exercising you wont ever want to go back. One indulgent meal is a reminder for me of how I use to feel every day of every week when I was obese.

    Hope this helps!


  2. Wow I think I opened Google Reader at the same time you posted!

    "How will I find the time to get to the gym after working 40 hours? How will I resist eating the crappy food that is always in the office? How will I deal with the stress? How will I make sure I don't fall into the same traps that tripped me up before? Am I strong enough to handle it now?"

    1) You will MAKE time for the gym. Right after work, before work, during lunch, before'll go whenever it makes sense for you to go.
    2)You'll resist the crappy office food because you'll bring your own yummy food in a super cute insulated lunch bag just like I do every day. It's not hard to resist old crumbly cookies when you've got juicy strawberries and dark chocolate waiting for you!
    3)Dealing with stress? See answer #1
    4)Put up a picture of the old you - THAT will help remind you of the life you don't want to return to. New surroundings = new healthy habits.
    5)Girl, you've persevered and lost 90 FREAKING POUNDS. Of course you're strong enough!! You are awesome and can handle anything a new office job can throw at you. I believe in you.

    You are going to be fine. :)

  3. For one thing, keep blogging!
    You're amazing and you are absolutely right in saying that you are different now.
    Don't mislead yourself into believing you have to go down an old road.
    Plus, I have to believe that now that you've been working out and succeeding in losing 90 pounds!, you can maintain your healthy lifestyle.
    I'm someone who hasn't gotten anywhere in a while, but I believe that a key to not gaining weight back is to pay attention and not let anything escape your notice. Use your scale now. And if you start creeping up, take action, reach out for help and do whatever it takes to get it back off. Actually, I do know about this from having done it wrong just recently.
    I hope you like your job and don't ever forget what you've already accomplished. You're someone who can do ANYTHING!

  4. Wow! Congrats on your loss! I am confident that you've established healthy habits that will stick with you. Your a totally different person inside as well as outside now, and I think you will see that once you get acclimated. You may have to juggle things around a bit, make some changes in your schedule, start packing lunches and snacks, but you'll find your way! You will fall into a routine and you will be just fine!

  5. Are we placing bets? Because my money is on YOU! You are stronger now, but you still have strengths you haven't even realized yet. They've been building inside you just waiting until you need them!

    But yeah, I understand. I have similar thoughts every time I go on an interview. :)

  6. Don't be afraid. You can make it work how you need it to. There are a lot of things you learned about yourself in the past year and a half that you can put to good use in your new situation. There will likely be some bumps, but I bet it will not be as hard as you think it might be.

  7. It's a great-big scary world, isn't it? You're a lot wiser now than 18 months ago, though. I think you'll know to be prepared ahead of time on the food front. I think your newly formed habits will carry you through.

    As for exercise, keep doing what you love. If you can't make it to the gym, I seem to recall you mentioning you have some Firms? lol

    You'll make it just fine. Keep a photo of yourself at your highest weight on your fridge, bathroom mirror or somewhere that you can see it frequently.

    New beginnings--you've got new tools to help you out now. You'll be fine.

  8. You will KNOW what you need to do...You have grown and will continue to move forward. You might have to break your work outs up some in the morning, some at lunch, some in the evening...but give yourself the time to adjust and you will! And keep in touch via the blog!

  9. I agree with everyone else. You simply MAKE the time. YOU are important enough to do this! Check out my summer challenge on my diet blog get some weight loss during this summer AND while working!!! You can do it!

  10. My tip?! Read this post every single day. It will remind you of all that you have achieved and been through. You can so, so , so do this!!! I have no doubts. You are a different person now.

  11. You have accomplished so much! It will be an adjustment to go back to work, but I bet your perspective has changed so much since the last time you worked in an office. You feel better about yourself and hopefully your work environment will be more positive.

    I used to work in a huge office with food EVERYwhere. In fact, every Friday, they brought in bagels and donuts for everyone. I spent a few weeks seriously, actively resisting the call of the pastries. But after a few weeks, I came to a point where I didn't even want them anymore. I knew they made me feel yucky and it just wasn't worth it.

    Another thing that helped was a support system. I had 2 friends at work who were also interested in being healthy and worked out almost every day. We would talk about our workouts and bond over that. You may not have an immediate support system at work, but maybe you'll get one eventually. And you always have everyone here!

    As someone who sits in the office for at least 50 hours a week, I know it's hard to find time. I know myself and I know that if I don't exercise in the morning, it usually won't happen. So sometime between 6 and 6:30, several days a week, I'm at the Y, swimming or lifting weights. I just do what needs to be done to make sure I get in my workouts. Don't stress out about finding your perfect schedule right away, but you'll get there eventually.

  12. I'll be posting again and explain my absence.

    You have done amazingly well!!! And congrats on finding a job (I have yet to do that)

    I'll be back :)


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