I've had the time of my life the past 18 months and sadly it's all coming to an abrupt end. If you've been coming around here for a while you may remember how much I hated my job and how stressed out I was. I felt sick every single day I walked off the elevator into my office to be tortured and abused just to collect the almighty paycheck. I put up with that abuse for way too long and I don't ever want to go back to that life.
I spent the first two and a half years of this blog wanting to lose weight but never actually making much progress. It wasn't until I got laid off in November 2009 that I started making any real progress on the weight loss front. The past 18 months have been such a blessing and I'm so thankful I was able to take advantage of the time I had off. I know instead of going to the gym almost every day and dropping 90 pounds it could have easily gone the other way if I sat home in front of the tv and stuffed myself from boredom.
I spent countless hours on the elliptical. I attempted to complete the C25K program (still working on that one). I've learned how hard yoga is even though it looks so damn easy. I started lifting weights and feeling strong. I've Zumbad and I found out how long 20 seconds is doing Tabata. I found out I LOVE cardio kickboxing and actually enjoy going to the gym now. I stopped binging on crappy processed foods but still indulge in foods I love. Nothing is off limits and everything, even cake and ice cream, is fine in moderation.
I have to be honest and admit I'm extremely nervous, almost terrified, about going back to work next week. Is it too soon? Should I have held out for more money? Should I have waited until I got to my goal weight? How do we ever know if we made the right decision?
How will I find the time to get to the gym after working 40 hours? How will I resist eating the crappy food that is always in the office? How will I deal with the stress? How will I make sure I don't fall into the same traps that tripped me up before? Am I strong enough to handle it now?
I'm really scared. I don't want to go back to that miserable life. I don't want to be sad, depressed, tired, lazy and fat. I am stronger now but am I strong enough? I'm hoping I've learned enough over the past 18 months to make sure I don't lose myself again going back to the daily grind. I don't ever want to gain back all the weight I lost or lose the self-confidence I found.
What really scares me is the fact that I've been here before. I've been so close to reaching my goal weight only to go back to bad habits and regain all the weight again and again. I can't let that happen again. This time will be different. I'm different. I'm not going to let a job and my need for a paycheck take that from me NO MATTER WHAT!
The transition will be hard but I pray once I get into the groove I will find a way to make it work. I see YOU making it work and I just need to learn how to do it too. Please, show me the way. I don't want to get lost again. Please let me know if you have any advice on how not to lose myself again now that I found a job.
As always, thank you so much for all the support! You are the BEST!!!
Last call ....