Thursday, November 19, 2009

Can you say "Awkward?"

WOW...today was unbelievably AWKWARD. I'm sure tomorrow will be even worse but once I get through those 8 hours I'll be FREEEEEE.

My boss, NOT the DICK but the other one, the one that doesn't want me to leave, the one who fought to keep me, the only person I'll really miss and the only reason why I've stayed at that miserable place for so long, asked me to go out to lunch with him and the new legal assistant, my replacement. I didn't know what to say. I thought to myself "this is a joke, right? really? lunch? with you and my replacement?, I don't think so."

I initially politely declined and told him I had plans and couldn't make it. I didn't have any big lunch plans (that's tomorrow) but was just going to run a few errands around town. I would have loved to go to lunch with just him but didn't think I could handle lunch with him and my replacement. How much can a person be expected to swallow? I'm choking here. I gave him some grief about waiting until my second to last day to offer to take me out to lunch after all these years. We've never gone out to lunch together. We've gone to the bar for cocktails many times throughout the years and partied like rock stars back in the day but never lunch. Just last week he asked me to cut out of work early with him to have a few drinks. We polished off lots of vodka and talked about how much we'll miss working with each other. He thanked me for my hard work, devotion, loyalty and friendship and apologized for not being able to do anything about the whole ugly mess.

After I thought about it for a while I decided to suck it up and go to lunch anyway. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, right? Yes, apparently I am a glutton for punishment. I don't know why I torture myself and agree to things like this but lunch actually ended up being the best part of the day. The new girl is sweet and nice and we spent lunch talking about my boss' new baby, sports, our weekend plans and getting to know the new kid. I'm glad we stayed away from talking about the firm and the weird position we're all in. Of course, I know I have the worst of the situation but can see how uncomfortable it is for them too.

I actually kinda feel sorry for this new girl. She's very young and doesn't have a clue what she's gotten herself into. She doesn't have much experience and these busy litigators are going to eat her up.

The good thing for her is Dick is really trying to make a good impression on her or maybe he just wants to get under my skin by being super nice to her. Dick's already had more non-work related conversations with her in 2 days than he's had with me over the past year I've worked directly for him and the past 10 years before that. I'm sure if you asked him he wouldn't be able to tell you if I'm married or not or even what B's name is.

I just don't get it. I honestly don't know what his problem is. Maybe it's the rebound effect. He was forced to give up his assistant last year and we got stuck working with each other and no matter how good I am he wasn't going to be happy about it. I wasn't happy about it but I made the effort and did my job and he was just downright mean. Maybe I was just the rebound person and we all know that never works out.

I spent the afternoon training the new girl and was doing an excellent job of keeping it together until the new kid asked me if I was excited about leaving. I really didn't know how to answer her and started to tear up and had to walk away to compose myself. I need to toughen up and learn how to hold back the water works. WTF? I don't know why I couldn't have just smiled and said "YES!" She apologized for asking and I apologized for making her uncomfortable. None of this is her fault and I don't think it's fair to start her off on the wrong foot or make her feel bad for walking into this mess.

Tomorrow should be even more fun. Thankfully, I only have to suffer through another 8 hours in that place and after that I will be free from all the misery and stress that has been building inside me over the past decade.

I hope I have enough strength left to make it through the day tomorrow without having a breakdown. I have to keep my eye on the big picture and how happy I am to get out of there. I'm finally breaking out of the concrete box I've been imprisoned in for so long. I'm getting paroled. I can't wait to see what life is like on the outside.

Wish me luck.

8 comments:

  1. wishing you luck

    wishing you peace, freedom and joy

    Getting out of that world was the best thing I ever did, and I'm sure it will be for you, too.

    I remember when I first found your blog you were talking about not liking it there, lawyers, etc., and it just clicked with me.

    You'll like it on the outside. I do. =)

    I hope you make it through the day tomorrow--I know it will be difficult.

    (((hugs))) (and I'm not a huggy kind of person lol)

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  2. I am so envious of you for having the guts to recognize a bad situation and getting out ! You inspire me to stop bitching about my situation and do something about it!

    Good Luck to you! You deserve the best and I think you are on the right road ! Enjoy your new adventure ! [and your freedom ]

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  3. GOOD LUCK!!
    and BIG HUGS!

    (like jo I'm not usually a 'huggy' person either)

    You will be so much happier and freer when you get out of there. In fact, you probably are already.
    You know we are here rooting you on!!

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  4. It takes guts to grab the career bull by the horns and point it in a new direction. I'm deeply impressed by your strength in seeing this transition through.

    Thinking of you and sending you vibes of strength.

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  5. sorry to hear how hard it has been, and I hope like Hell friday went well! I bet you broke down... I would have. It's one of the joys of being a girl!
    Onward eh?
    What are you going to do now?
    Get a new job?

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  6. Jo: Thanks for the well wishes and hugs. I feel like a different person now that I'm out and it is only day 1.

    Susan: I've known it was a bad situation for a long time but I didn't have the satisfaction of quitting but the end result is the same. I hope you can find something better soon. We all deserve the best!

    W&W: Thanks. XOXOX

    Me: I need it! Thanks.

    M3MC: It is only day 1 now and I feel so different just knowing I don't ever have to go back to that. *SIGH*

    Carmi: I needed all the vibes of strength to get through the last week. I'm looking forward to having more camera time ;)

    Chris H: I'm not sure what I'm going to do. For now, I'm going to enjoy the Funemployment checks for a while and try to find a job where I don't have to look at a lawyer.

    THANKS EVERYONE!!

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