Have you ever looked at a photo and asked "who is that girl?" only to realize it's you? I always hated having my picture taken and as the pounds piled on I dreaded it even more and would groan and run if someone dared to point a camera in my direction. I'm a photographer so I'm usually the one behind the lens but on those rare occasions when I'm forced to stand and say "cheese" all I can think about is how fat I'm going to look in these pictures (and how much I love cheese).
I don't know why I'm always shocked when I see pictures of myself. I look in the mirror at home and at the gym and I've been feeling better about the image being reflected back at me but as soon as I see a picture I think "oh, I have that same top as that girl," or "that can't possibly be me, can it?" Half the time I don't even recognize myself. Are all the mirrors in my house fun house mirrors that make me look thinner than I am? Does the camera add 50 pounds to everyone or is it just me?
I've lost over 40 pounds so far, fitting into clothes I haven't been able to squeeze into in years and I've been feeling good about the progress I've made until I saw myself in some pictures from the weekend and now I just want to cry. I've come so far but still have a very long way to go before I'm able to look at myself in a picture and not cringe. I can't imagine how I would have felt had I not lost those 40 pounds but I'm certainly not happy where I am right now.
I've still got a long way to go. I guess it's time to get my ass to the gym and start working off the next 40+ pounds. I wonder if I'll recognize myself in pictures when I get to my goal or will I still be asking "who is that girl?"
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
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It's a process, that's for sure. I frequently have trouble finding me in group photos. And then when I do, I start picking it apart. :)
ReplyDeleteSome habits are especially difficult to overcome.
Get a picture of yourself(if you have one), before the 40lbs (a lot!!!!) weight loss and put them next to each other. You will be amazed by the difference!
ReplyDeleteWhen I was really heavy (228), I could not believe the difference, especially in my face, after 30 lbs. lost.
I totally get this. Although I have lost 35 pounds this summer, I still see pictures and think that I could be better or look better or something like that.
ReplyDeleteAll we can do is keep moving forward and keep remembering to love ourselves no matter what. :)
By the way, I am so happy for you!
40 pounds is a lot! Pictures just take that one instant in time and don't reflect the living vibrant movement we project in daily life.
ReplyDeleteI know it's been said before but - true acceptance will come from within. Only then will your perspective change on what you see in pictures and the mirror. Keep up the good work my friend, you are doing great!!
ReplyDeleteI remember when my mom got to see the wedding proofs and she said "OH you're SO pretty in them!" And I couldn't wait to see... only to be disappointed. Because it was STILL just me, and I don't see the pretty, I see the fat, the whatever-else-is-wrong, and more. I don't WANNA see me. I know it's stupid, but I guess I thought I'd really look like someone else; a pretty bride.
ReplyDeleteI was going through photos for my kiddos and I realize I'm in almost NONE of them. I take the photos, but I avoid them like the plague. Same reason as you.
However, with weight loss, I actually DO take photos, because you can see the differences often when the scale says no. THAT, I'll go for. Otherwise? Yeah, I'll be working as the photographer and artist, thanks. ;)
I always feel totally smokin hot until I see a picture - and then I think, "oh well, at least my hair looks good!". :)
ReplyDeleteIt can be discouraging to wish you were 'there' already and then realize you aren't.
ReplyDeletebu you are getting there and are a heck of a lot closer than you were.
It will happen...it's just time and distance.
Oh boy, do I hear you. I got cocky and took progress pics (after only 15lbs - bonehead!) and wanted to cry or throw up or eat ice cream when I realized I looked no different than I had six weeks earlier (hell, I didn't look a lot different than I had a *year* ago). I hide from cameras, and when I can't, I'll stick out my tongue or flip the bird in the hopes that the photographer will rethink clicking the button...
ReplyDeleteYou are doing fantastic! DO NOT let this get you down. I know how you feel though. I rarely like myself in photographs and I'm always amazed by how great I can feel and look in the mirror compared to how I look in a photo. It's hard not to let it affect us but we did feel good in the first place so it's to try and hold on to that feeling is the important thing I think.
ReplyDeleteCammy: Does the process ever get easier? Do you still pick yourself apart in photos now or do you see how amazing you are?
ReplyDeleteManuela: I'm not sure I can find a picture at my heaviest but I know there would be a big difference between then and now. I have to keep focusing on the progress I've made and not how far I have to go.
Hilly: The only thing I tend to notice in your photos is your BEAUTIFUL smile. Moving foward now ....
Lori: Oh, I like that ... "living vibrant movement." But that would mean I wouldn't mind seeing myself in video either.
LAF: It's definitely a struggle but I'm going to strive for that true acceptance.
Kyra: I wonder if the fear of being photographed pushed us toward being photographers so we'd have some control over where the lens is pointed. I have no doubt you were a gorgeous bride and everyone who saw the pictures thought so, except you. Do you feel the same way when you look at those photos now?
Jill: Great idea. I love it! I DO have good hair ;)
cmoursler: It is discouraging. I think I was just so disappointed at not being able to SEE all the progress I've made. It will happen ....
Chibi: If they weren't my sister's wedding pictures I definitely would have stuck my tongue out or flipped the bird.
Crazylady: I just wish there wasn't such a disconnect between how I feel when I look in the mirror and how I feel when I look at a photo. I'm going to try to hold on to that feel good feeling though.
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Thank you all for the pep talk. I really needed it.