Wednesday, November 7, 2007

Here's Looking at You

Have you ever avoided going to a function or reunion because you didn't want people to see how much weight you put on since the last time you saw them? I ran into an old boyfriend last night who I haven't seen in many years. It was good to see him and we had a great time catching up but afterwards I felt extremely embarrassed because I am so much heavier now than the last time I saw him.

I wonder if I would have gone to the function if I had known he was going to be there. He was really sweet, told me I looked beautiful and said he still regrets that he broke up with me (over 20 years ago). He did break my heart at the time but I got over the loss a long time ago. Logically, I know he really didn't care how much I weigh now but it was all I could think about.

The whole situation got me thinking about why I even care what he thinks? I know I don't need to impress him but I did walk away wishing I looked better. Why would I care more about what he thinks than the people I love and see everyday? Shouldn't I want to impress the guy I love and adore and see everyday more than some old boyfriend who broke up with me. Why should I worry about school reunions when I didn't even like those people when I was in school? Do I want them to just remember me when I was thin? or is it just vanity?

I don't want to miss out or regret seeing old friends because I'm afraid of what they'll think about how I look. I'm sure it would be different if I were always heavy but there is so much shame in feeling I have let myself go. I want to look forward to seeing old friends and not worry that they are thinking "I can't believe how fat she is now," "can you believe how much weight she's gained," etc. etc.

Don't get the wrong idea, my old flame is happily married with 5 kids and I'm happy in my very long-term relationship so it isn't about rekindling an old romance. I know it is silly but I really hope I look smokin' hot the next time I run into him.


  1. I've avoided so many things because of my weight over the years. If I saw an old boyfriend I'd probably dive under the table to avoid being seen and then sneak out through the back door. Of course now that I'm married to a very good looking "hottie" my confidence when I see the people from the past is a bit more solid...yeah, that sounds as stupid as it probably is LOL

  2. oh boy, I feel like that all the time. my high school reunion (10 yr) is in 2 yrs and if this weight isnt off by then, Im not going. Im lucky I dont live anywhere near where I grew up because I would be embarrassed for people to see Ive gained wieght.

    Any time I get an invitation to a wedding or special party I think, oh no what am I going to wear that doesnt make me look fat, etc.

    I guess its only motivation to lose the weight!

  3. Whether it's silly or not, it's totally natural to want to make a good impression on an old flame - or an old friend, for that matter.

  4. Oh my're so incredibly human. I think we all feel this way from time to time.
    I'm already worried about a reunion in 2008 because there's a good chance I could be pregnant for it...ugh.
    Your question is a good one though...why do we care more about what they think than our current significant others?


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