Sunday, January 20, 2008


Why am I still fat? The obvious answer is I eat (binge) way too much and I don't move my ass enough. It really is a simple answer, right? If you watched Jillian with Ali on the Biggest Loser last week, that is exactly the question she insists needs to be answered so the weight doesn't find its way back. If I don't know the why of it I will be forced to keep making the same mistakes over and over again (that sounds familiar).

I need to figure out what is keeping me fat. Why do I keep insulating my body with fat when I get close to hitting my goal weight? Why do I always rebound and go back to eating the foods I know my body can't handle? Why do I continue to abuse my body?

I feel like I have been searching for the answers to the same question my entire life. The answer seems so elusive and out of reach. What am I not getting? What am I going to do this time that will make it different? How am I going to reach my goal and stay there?

I started writing this blog thinking it would force me to figure out what my problem is but find myself censoring what I write because I'm embarrassed by my compulsive eating and lack of focus and dedication to this weight loss effort. I'm going to try to write more openly about my food issues and disordered eating and worry less about being embarrassed by the amount of food I am able to consume. I do a lot of talking about weight loss but there is not enough action. Now is the time for a little less conversation - a little more action.


  1. Awww... don't feel embarrassed, girl! We all have our issues with food and binging. God knows I didn't reach 377 lbs. by eating salad every day. hehe

    Hang in there! We're all in this together! We're all learning together! :)

  2. hey sometimes those answers are had to find, or hard to admit to ourselves. yes, simply put, I am overweight because I ate too much. but that says nothing about all the emotional crap I have dealt with that made me what I was. dont worry, the answers dont come overnight and I have faith you will arrive at your own.

  3. Really the answers to your questions are not important. Eat healthier and exercise. It's a leap of faith. As you create your new reality it's like being goal oriented, the problems are less significant. It's a slow difficult process at first, but it will become easier. The just do it attitude really works. It can be done. Whenever I have asked a fit person, what is the most important thing they have always said the same thing, consistency! I work out every day. Do I like it? Sometimes, but often it hurts! But I do it regardless, and because of that I am successful. I hope you will be also.
    Dr. J

  4. This is an old post but I'm commenting because it caught my eye.

    I think you're on the right track with writing a blog to help figure out what is going on inside. I find that when I'm writing, sometimes I come to new realizations. But it isn't when I edit that it happens, so ... open up! We don't know you in real life - we're all out here struggling with various issues. If we don't let all the ugly stuff out, how can we help each other get beautiful?

    And at the same time, I also agree with anonymous to SOME extent. While you figure it out, you can work towards changing it. There is a lot of research that shows that internal change happens after a behavior starts, not necessarily before. So as you take off the weight, you can work through the issues of what put that weight there to begin with. You don't have to deal with the issues first.

    Anyway, no matter how much you choose to reveal, you really do have a community of people out here in bloggerland that can support you. You *can* do this!


No Sugar Coating Allowed