One of THOSE days ....

I thought my day couldn't get any worse after I realized I lost my T-pass (train/ bus prepaid monthly pass) and MP3 player ... boy, was I wrong.

I left for work a few minutes late and as I was running for the bus I realized I didn't have my T-pass that I keep in a badge holder along with my MP3 player so I let the bus pass and ran back up (3 flights of stairs) to my apartment to look for it. I looked everywhere, dumped my bag on the kitchen table and searched every pocket I had on yesterday - no luck. So now I was out $59 for the pass and $?? for the music and player.

With that stellar start I just knew it was going to be one of those days. I had no idea how much worse it was going to get. The ax came down at work and the pink slips went flying around. I still have a job but will be working for different people (who I don't particularly like) instead of the two great guys I work for now. Two of my good friends and another woman who I don't know very well got "laid off" due to "restructuring." Both of my good friends have worked for the firm 10+ years and one of them is a single mother. It isn't bad enough that they laid them off but they gave them absolutely no notice and only 4 weeks severance.

I realize these are tough economic times but how can you do that to someone after 10 years ... tell them at 3:00 to pack their bags and be out by 5:00. We all got 10 year bonuses just months ago.

My head hurts. I am so irritated and frustrated because I am unable to control my emotions when having tough conversations with my boss (or anyone). I am extremely sensitive (always have been) to the point where my eyes start tearing up and my throat constricts to the point I can't even speak. There are times I want to scream and yell but can't seem to keep it together long enough to do that and just cry like a baby instead. WTF!! I'm over 40 years old and I still haven't learned how to control my emotions enough to have a difficult conversation. I'm continually rendered moot by my sensitivity and raw emotions. I hate that. Anyone have any suggestions on how to stop the blubbering like an idiot? It is ridiculous.

I have a feeling we haven't seen the end to the cuts and changes. I almost wish they had laid me off instead because that would have given me the kick in the *ss to get the hell out of there and find another job. I think I will be actively looking now because I am not happy at all about my new position.

I did some research on-line and there isn't much out there for me. I'm on the edge just waiting for one of the heartless bastards to push me over. UGGHH!!!