Life is Unfair

It doesn't seem fair that so many people get taken from us in the prime of their lives. Of course it's sad when someone who has lived a full life into their 90s passes away but it's devastating when someone is robbed of their life while they are smack dab in the middle of living it to the fullest. My lovely friend Lisa fought the debilitating effects of ALS (Lou Gehrig's disease) for the last 6+ years and is now at peace and no longer having to suffer through the pain.

It isn't any easier when you know your loved one is dying and have to watch them deteriorate before your eyes. You know there is no cure but you still hold out hope that they will be the exception to the rule. They will pull through this and get better because the alternative is too horrible to face. When I was selling raffle tickets for one of the many fundraisers they had for Lisa my old boss kept repeating over and over again "she's going to die," "there is no cure," "you know she's going to die." I knew it in my head but in my heart I didn't want to believe it.

Lisa and I met over 20 years ago and worked together at 2 different law firms. We were more than just co-workers and saw each other pretty regularly outside of the office for the first few years. I attended her first wedding and was there when her marriage ended. I spent an entire day at the vet with her when she thought her cat ate poison (the cat was fine but it took us 6 hours to find that out). In addition to her full-time job she started a cheerleading coaching business where she hired me to be the photographer for the competitions and I would be awed to see her put the young girls to shame when she was showing them new moves and teaching them how to be better competitors. I remember spending a day at the beach together and she couldn't stop laughing as she threw french fries to the seagulls out of my convertible jeep while I screamed and pleaded with her to stop because she knew how much I hated birds. We definitely laughed about it afterward but I didn't think it was very funny at the time. I really have a terrible bird phobia especially with seagulls and pigeons but I couldn't be mad at her because she was just having fun.

I was so happy when she told me she found the love of her life and I was sure I would be going to another wedding as soon as her long-time boyfriend got up the nerve to pop the question and give her a ring. We eventually drifted apart over the years but when we did see each other it was like no time had passed and we would just pick up where we left off. We would often run into each other on the train commuting to and from work and would catch up with each others lives and promise to get together soon.

We both "married" into local political families and would see each other on the campaign trails of our city, luckily we were always campaigning for the good guys and on the same political teams. I would often see Lisa running by my house on one of her regular 7+ mile runs and watch her eyes light up telling me about her most recent vacation where she went scuba diving, horseback riding, dancing, drinking and just having a blast. Lisa loved life and loved to dance.

It was heartbreaking to see such a vibrant young girl lose the ability to walk and talk and eventually end up in a wheelchair unable to do anything for herself. She fought so hard against this brutal disease from the moment of her first symptoms of slurred speech until her final days when she refused to take any pain medication because she wanted to be there and aware with her loved ones all around her.

She was lucky in so many ways but only had 35 healthy years before she had to fight ALS for the last 6+ years of her life. She had the most loving and caring boyfriend who organized massive fundraisers and tirelessly took care of her. He moved them to an apartment building with an elevator so the nurses would be able to take her out during the day after he carried her up and down the stairs for years. Even though she was unable to do anything for herself he knew she would still want to look put together in the latest styles. He took her to the hair salon regularly to have her hair done because she always wanted to change to yet another different style. He would take her shopping and to have her nails done and would always make sure she was treated with the utmost care. Most of all, he stayed and made her laugh through all the pain where lesser men would have run away. She was a beautiful soul and I'm sure she knew how much we all loved her and prayed for a miracle cure.

Every time I b*tched about the stress in my life and about how much I hated my job I would think of Lisa and how she would love to be able to go to work again. When I sat on my a$$ instead of going to the gym I would think of Lisa and how much she would love to be able to go to the gym or just be able to walk into the next room. Whenever I had a bad day I would think of Lisa and how much she would appreciate having a day like mine.

May my dear friend Lisa rest in peace and may they find a cure for ALS so people don't have to suffer the way this brave woman did. Lisa was taken from us too soon but I'm happy she is free from the pain and finally at peace.

Lisa's Words to Live By:

May you never take one single breath for granted

God forbid love ever leave you empty handed

I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean

Whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens

Promise me that you'll give fate a fighting chance

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance

I hope you dance

I hope you dance

- Leanne Womack

I hope you are dancing in heaven now my dear friend Lisa. I hope you dance.

True Friends

It's times like these when you find out who your true friends are.

I only have two more days to get through. I feel like I'm getting released from prison where I've served an 11+ year sentence. What will life be like on the outside? I'm excited to find out.

I hadn't talked to many people in the office about my departure because I can't seem to do it without getting all teary eyed. I'm not sad about leaving but I can't help but be hurt/offended/disgusted by how it all went down.

My replacement started yesterday so most people now know I am leaving and have been telling me how shocked they are by what happened. I'm not surprised by anything these people do anymore. I have seen too much over the past decade to really be surprised by their underhanded sleazy tactics.

It's funny how people I've never really been friendly with all of a sudden want to take me to lunch or out for drinks now that I'm leaving. These phony people have never invited me to lunch before but now act like they are my best friends. I politely declined their offers. Why would I want to spend my last days with these fake friends when I can spend it with the people I will truly miss?

I'm starting to get over the hurt and I'm looking forward to whatever comes next. I can't wait to have some time to take care of myself and figure out how to collect a paycheck without having to look at a lawyer. I honestly believe getting away from the stress of that horrible place will do wonders for my mind and body. I haven't been doing anything different with my diet or exercise routine but I lost 3 pounds this past week without even trying. Maybe the key to successful weight loss for me is getting rid of the monkeys (lawyers) on my back.

Liar Liar Pants on Fire

If you see the handle of the sharp knife sticking out of my back please pull it out slowly as it's done enough damage on the way in. I didn't expect to be screwed by the one person I thought was on my side. I'm struggling to come to terms with the fact that someone I've respected and trusted over the past eleven years looked me in the eyes and lied to me. He hugged me and reassured me as he stealthily plunged the knife deep into my back. Even after I caught him in his lie and confronted him about it he continued to spin his lie, backpedal and try to throw the blame on others.

I thought we were friends. I thought he had my back and could be honest with each other but it turns out I was very wrong. I guess it's a life lesson I needed to learn. When times get tough you get to see people's true colors and learn who your true friends are. He is not the kind of friend I want to have.

In my head I understand why he did what he did. He was only covering his a$$ but knowing that doesn't make it any easier to swallow. I always thought he was better than that and believed he was different from the rest of them but I was wrong.

It's going to be hard to get through the next few weeks knowing what I know but I'll get through it somehow. I'm trying to convince myself that everything happens for a reason and I'll end up in a better place. Only time will tell.

Love and Fat

Do you think being in love makes you fat? Do we let ourselves get too comfortable in our relationships and give up taking care of ourselves? Do we only worry about our appearance when we are looking for love and give up once we find it. I wonder whether I would have gained so much weight if I had been single the past 25 years.

I know so many women who go on extreme diets, starve themselves and work out like maniacs to fit into their wedding dress and then they can't even squeeze into it when they get back from their honeymoon. They all look at their wedding pictures and wish they could get back to that unrealistic weight again.

Last week while B was away I ate healthy and didn't miss a single work out. The other thing I noticed was I didn't drink any Diet Coke even though I had plenty in stock. It makes me wonder why I'll sneak food when B is home but when I am by myself and can eat anything I want without having to hide it I don't.

Hmmm...it makes me think of a recent study about friends making you fat (sorry I'm too lazy to look up the link). It basically suggests that when you are around people who eat fast, you tend to eat fast. When we are surrounded by people who lead a sedentary life, we tend to do the same. If your friends and family are fat you are more likely to follow in their footsteps.

When B is drinking Diet Coke, I want to drink it too. When all my friends are partying and enjoying massive quantities of food and drink I want to be part of the party too. When there is a celebration I want to eat cake with everyone else.

Is it possible to make lasting changes if the people you surround yourself with don't make those changes too?