Let the Sun Shine In ....

I can't shake the feeling there has been an ominous black cloud hanging over my head, hunting me down through the brightest rays of sunshine like a dedicated and determined stalker. So many of my vacations over the years have been ruined by sickness, death or some sort of traumatizing experience. The percentage of ruined vacations is staggering. My boss keeps telling me I should just take a few days here and there and not plan a whole week off because something always happens. I think he may have ulterior motives in saying that but he may have a point.

My latest vacation didn't start out bad even though I did turn another year older which gets harder and harder every year. I certainly don't feel 41 although my mind's age and my body's age are vastly different. Each birthday I think of Jimmy Buffett's song Growing Older But Not Up ...

....

I'm growing older but not up
My metabolic rate is pleasantly stuck
Let those winds of time blow over my head
I'd rather die while I'm living than live while I'm dead
....
Now don't get me wrong
This is not a sad song
Just events that I have happened to witness
And time takes its toll as we head for the poll
And no one dies from physical fitness
So what the hell, we'll take it right to the end
As the days grow more complicated the nightlife still wins
....

B and I spent the week after the 4th at the camp without any fireworks except a few bottle rockets but we had bright stars, clear weather and a private party out at the bonfire every night. We had a relaxing week even though we had to come back to the city for various appointments. We made it back to VT and had another bonfire blazing by the time our friends arrived on Friday night. B is usually the life of the party telling stories and being the entertainer but he had such a vicious headache early in the day and it just got worse and worse. By Saturday, he was miserable with sinus pressure and a pounding headache.

B was really hurting when we left for the hot air balloon festival in Stowe which was about an 1 1/2 hour drive. He knows how much I love going every year to take pictures so he forced himself to come with us but it was a bad decision. We brought chairs and B didn't move from them for the few hours we were at the festival. Another group of friends were camping in Stowe so we met up with them but B could barely keep his head up. His pain only got worse and he finally went to the emergency room when we got back home on Monday.

After being on vacation for a week and having a doctor's appointment Monday morning I ended up at the hospital with B when I was supposed to be returning to the office. The ER gave him some fluids for dehydration and sent him home with antibiotics for sinusitis and a bunch of pain killers.

Things only got worse and he ended up back at the hospital late Monday night when they admitted him. He couldn't eat or even keep down the pain medication with a sip of water. He spent the week in the hospital being pumped with fluids, morphine and other heavy duty pain killers, a steroid nasal spray and who knows what else. They discharged him Thursday night with a handful of drugs and said the infection will just have to run its course.

My kitchen counter looks like a pharmacy and I'm exhausted from worrying, spending every night at the hospital and then not being able to sleep without him when I got home. Now I'm even more exhausted from playing nurse all night.

I'm praying he turns the corner soon. Aside from when he broke his back I don't think I've ever seen him in this much pain. I feel helpless because there is really nothing I can do to make him feel better except serve him and keep him medicated.

I wish this weather pattern would change because I'm sick of looking up and seeing that big black cloud shadowing me.

I hope everyone is having a better time enjoying good health, the warm weather, cookouts, picnics, pool parties, concerts and the usual summertime festivities. I like to plan my next vacation when I get back from vacation so I have something to look forward to but maybe I should consider scheduling a few long weekends and see if I can make it through them without the storm clouds.

I need a vacation from my vacation.