Holiday? What Holiday?

I hope everyone here in the states had a great time celebrating the 4th of July, everyone else I hope you had a good weekend.

I'm sad to say we didn't get to see any fireworks, we didn't go to any bbq's and we didn't do anything fun. We're building an addition on our camp so all we did was work on it all weekend. It was backbreaking work. The good news is I got an excellent workout lugging 2x6x10's, lifting plywood, bending, stretching and running around being the gofer. I was totally exhausted and fell into a dead sleep as soon as we got home last night until about 4:00 in the morning when I woke up with a sore throat and a wheezing cough.

I'm can't say I'm surprised since I'm on vacation this week and I had planned on getting the house organized and hitting the gym every single day. It's just my luck that something always happens when I try to take a vacation. Today was a total bust. I couldn't get out of bed and I can't take a deep breath without hacking. First day of vacation wasted. Let's hope I can get over this and enjoy the rest of the week. My vacations are good times, yeah, good times.

B got tickets to the Red Sox game tomorrow night so that should be fun if I can breathe. Of course, we're supposed to have severe thunderstorms tomorrow but hopefully it will hold off until after the game.

I think that black cloud found me again.

Sick Day

I hate wasting sick days actually being sick. It's such a waste of a day off. I can't remember the the last time I called in sick but I caught the nasty cough bug and just couldn't manage to drag my *ss out of bed and go to the office after hacking a lung all night.

I thought it was just allergies when I started sneezing the other day but then I got the sore throat, wheezing and hacking cough just in time for the weekend. It was 70 degrees on the Friday before a long weekend and I didn't even get out to enjoy it. Even though I spent most of the day in bed getting up only long enough to do a few loads of laundry, the day flew by quicker than any day at the office.

I'm off to suck down some DayQuil and salvage the weekend. I can't waste a weekend day in bed.

Summer .... What Summer?

I can't believe the summer is over and I hardly got out to enjoy it. We did get up north this weekend but couldn't even go to all the Labor Day parties. B's recovery is slow and he gets tired easily. The doctor told us that B will not feel 100% for 3-6 months.

Even though I'm disappointed to have missed out on all the summer fun, I'm always happy to see the leaves change and know that the snow is not too far off. I'll be glad when 2008 is over. It hasn't been a very good year.

Priorities ....

It's amazing how quickly your priorities change when you get hit with a serious crisis. Right now I could care less about the bullsh*t at work, I haven't stepped on the scale in weeks, I haven't thought about meal plans and workouts and I'm not worrying about the laundry piling up. None of that crap is important right now. My thoughts are totally focused on B and I'm praying he starts feeling better soon. The doctors told him he will be in the hospital for at least another couple of weeks if not longer. He is taking a staggering amount of medication and having painful procedures almost every single day. I just wish there was something I could do to make him feel better. Loving him with all my heart doesn't seem to be cutting it.

Not on Mt. Washington

We missed today's annual ATV ride up Mt. Washington. B and I had been looking forward to this ride since I took this picture last year but sadly we were stuck on a roller coaster ride from hell and now have to wait 'til next year to get up on the mountain again with the ATVs.

B had been in and out of the hospital for the past three weeks where they kept pushing him out with medications and antibiotics and a diagnosis for sinus headaches, then migraines, then maybe they thought it was cluster headaches. B and I knew it couldn't be just a headache. Could a sinus infection (sinusitis) be that bad? He kept getting worse and worse and they kept sending him back home. The last time they discharged him we were arguing with the doctors because he couldn't eat or drink and wasn't able to keep his medication down so how was it supposed to work and make him better if it didn't stay in his system more than 20 minutes?

When I got home from work last Thursday B was out of it, slurring his words, talking nonsense, babbling incoherently, I thought he was having a stroke. I rushed him back to the ER where they started going through the same routine as the last 5 times when they FINALLY agreed to do a lumbar puncture ("spinal tap"). Every time he went to the hospital over the past three weeks they would ask if he ever had this procedure but then they would say they didn't think it was necessary.

Come to find out, it was absolutely critical to make the correct diagnosis of B's severe headaches, nausea, stiff neck, etc. After three F'N weeks of suffering they finally figured out that he has meningitis. Initially they didn't know what type he had so they go on the assumption it's contagious so everyone had to wear masks and gloves. They suggested that anyone having close contact be tested and put such a scare into us about all the things that could happen, the worst being coma and/or death. To say I was a mess is a pathetic understatement. I was hysterical.

I'm so exhausted from being at the hospital and watching B suffer for so long. Then, of course, I started getting getting paranoid about every little ache and pain thinking I must have caught it too by kissing, drinking from the same cups, and being in close contact with him. They wanted me to have blood work done so they could check if I needed to have a lumbar puncture too. UUUUGHHH!

After doing another spinal tap Friday morning, they decided to transfer him to another hospital. B is now at a top notch facility where they have a team of meningitis specialists on staff and I think he is now finally getting proper treatment. Thankfully he is being seen by numerous neurologists and infectious disease specialists who seem to know what they are doing. It's about time.

They determined he has viral meningitis and also, the rarest form, fungal meningitis. Unfortunately, he keeps having to have the lumbar punctures which are painful but necessary to drain the fluid build up to take the pressure off his brain and optic nerves. They assured us he wasn't contagious and there was no need for me to be tested. There are nurses, doctors and specialists in and out of his room all day and night and they are taking good care of him but he is still in pain and has ups and downs but he's a tough guy, he'll get through it and we'll be able to get to the top of the mountain someday soon although we'll have to wait a year to go up on the ATVs.

Meningitis is such a serious illness that can have devastating consequences. We are very lucky he is going to be ok especially since the doctors dicked us around for three weeks. It heart breaking to watch him suffer but I know he'll pull through and we'll be able to go back to our same old boring routines. That day cannot come quick enough for me.

This is one summer I'm going to want to forget. I hope you are enjoying yours. Be thankful for those lazy, hazy days of summer as long as everyone is healthy.

Amazing Weight Loss Method ...

I don't recommend it but I stumbled upon an amazing weight loss method. B has lost over 20 pounds in less than three weeks by not eating, taking a boatload of medicine and when he does actually get a bit of food down he ends up hurling. It is not pretty but it sure is effective for getting rid of excess pounds.

B was discharged from the hospital last Sunday even though he was not feeling any better. He hasn't been able to keep anything down and and they have no good explanation. After running CT scans, MRIs and blood tests they basically found no reason for the pain. The tests results are basically normal aside from a slight sinus infection and elevated blood pressure. They officially diagnosed him with severe sinusitis, then migraines and now they think it may be cluster headaches.

I feel horrible leaving him every day to go to work when he can barely get out of bed to take his medicine. He actually managed to have a few bites of pastina tonight and so far so good we haven't seen it come back. I'm praying he has turned the corner and the worst is behind him. I'm so exhausted from being up every night and working all day. I hope you never experience this kind of pain or have to watch someone you love go through it. It is brutal.

I'm really bummed about this coming weekend too. We had non-refundable tickets for the annual Mt. Washington ATV ride this Sunday but it doesn't look like we're going to make it. I guess there's always next year.

Admitted Again ....

B went back to the hospital Tuesday morning and was admitted AGAIN. They did another CT scan and found that the infection had gotten worse because they released him too early the last time and he was unable to keep the antibiotics down at home.

I've been doing nothing more than working and going to the hospital every day. My house is a disaster because I've barely had time to do a load of laundry. By the time I get home I'm falling into bed only to toss and turn.

B seemed to be getting better yesterday and they were talking about discharging him today but his headache came back with a vengeance last night and he was miserable when I saw him tonight. He barely said two words to me the whole time I was there because his head was pounding so bad. They had taken out his IV because they wanted to make sure he would be able to take his medication orally but now he is nauseous and seems to be getting worse not better. I'm so frustrated and don't understand why he isn't getting better. I've never heard of someone having a sinus infection this bad or for this long.

If things weren't bad enough, B's Dad fell yesterday and broke 6 ribs and may have broken a couple of bones in his back so he is in the hospital now too. He is in a different hospital so I haven't seen him yet to get the full story of what happened.

When things like this happen it forces you to put things in perspective. I haven't even thought about my weight in the past two weeks. It just isn't important considering everything else going on and wouldn't you know I lost a couple of pounds.

Let the Sun Shine In ....

I can't shake the feeling there has been an ominous black cloud hanging over my head, hunting me down through the brightest rays of sunshine like a dedicated and determined stalker. So many of my vacations over the years have been ruined by sickness, death or some sort of traumatizing experience. The percentage of ruined vacations is staggering. My boss keeps telling me I should just take a few days here and there and not plan a whole week off because something always happens. I think he may have ulterior motives in saying that but he may have a point.

My latest vacation didn't start out bad even though I did turn another year older which gets harder and harder every year. I certainly don't feel 41 although my mind's age and my body's age are vastly different. Each birthday I think of Jimmy Buffett's song Growing Older But Not Up ...

....

I'm growing older but not up
My metabolic rate is pleasantly stuck
Let those winds of time blow over my head
I'd rather die while I'm living than live while I'm dead
....
Now don't get me wrong
This is not a sad song
Just events that I have happened to witness
And time takes its toll as we head for the poll
And no one dies from physical fitness
So what the hell, we'll take it right to the end
As the days grow more complicated the nightlife still wins
....

B and I spent the week after the 4th at the camp without any fireworks except a few bottle rockets but we had bright stars, clear weather and a private party out at the bonfire every night. We had a relaxing week even though we had to come back to the city for various appointments. We made it back to VT and had another bonfire blazing by the time our friends arrived on Friday night. B is usually the life of the party telling stories and being the entertainer but he had such a vicious headache early in the day and it just got worse and worse. By Saturday, he was miserable with sinus pressure and a pounding headache.

B was really hurting when we left for the hot air balloon festival in Stowe which was about an 1 1/2 hour drive. He knows how much I love going every year to take pictures so he forced himself to come with us but it was a bad decision. We brought chairs and B didn't move from them for the few hours we were at the festival. Another group of friends were camping in Stowe so we met up with them but B could barely keep his head up. His pain only got worse and he finally went to the emergency room when we got back home on Monday.

After being on vacation for a week and having a doctor's appointment Monday morning I ended up at the hospital with B when I was supposed to be returning to the office. The ER gave him some fluids for dehydration and sent him home with antibiotics for sinusitis and a bunch of pain killers.

Things only got worse and he ended up back at the hospital late Monday night when they admitted him. He couldn't eat or even keep down the pain medication with a sip of water. He spent the week in the hospital being pumped with fluids, morphine and other heavy duty pain killers, a steroid nasal spray and who knows what else. They discharged him Thursday night with a handful of drugs and said the infection will just have to run its course.

My kitchen counter looks like a pharmacy and I'm exhausted from worrying, spending every night at the hospital and then not being able to sleep without him when I got home. Now I'm even more exhausted from playing nurse all night.

I'm praying he turns the corner soon. Aside from when he broke his back I don't think I've ever seen him in this much pain. I feel helpless because there is really nothing I can do to make him feel better except serve him and keep him medicated.

I wish this weather pattern would change because I'm sick of looking up and seeing that big black cloud shadowing me.

I hope everyone is having a better time enjoying good health, the warm weather, cookouts, picnics, pool parties, concerts and the usual summertime festivities. I like to plan my next vacation when I get back from vacation so I have something to look forward to but maybe I should consider scheduling a few long weekends and see if I can make it through them without the storm clouds.

I need a vacation from my vacation.

*Cough* *Sniffle* *Cough*

In the wise words of Rosanne Rosanna Danna (for those of you who are old enough to remember when SNL was funny), "If it's not one thing, it's another." I'm still here and I'm still fighting this battle but it has been one step forward and two steps back.

I've had a miserable cough/cold for almost 4 weeks now and I just can't shake it. I hardly ever get sick *knock wood* but when I do I try to work through it and go about my day like I usually do and now I'm exhausted. I've been drinking shots of a NyQuil cocktail before bed every night and that certainly helps but the DayQuil keeps me in a fog which probably isn't a bad thing considering the atmosphere at my office lately. I've talked to a few people who have had this bug and they're all telling me it is 5-6 weeks before they felt better. I don't think I can get through another 2-3 weeks of this feeling like I've been run over by a truck.

It must be Spring Fever.

On the Mend

After going through a crazy amount of NyQuil I'm feeling a bit better although still not 100%. I've struggled through the work week and hit the pillow each night like a bag of rocks. I hope I'm past the worst of it and I'm looking forward to getting back into the swing of things.

I have so many projects to get done this weekend including finishing a wedding album. I don't know why I can't say no to people when they ask me to be their wedding photographer. I have one more wedding booked for May and I hope to decline any future wedding jobs. It is so much work and I just don't have the time to do it and work my day job. Of course I need to get everything done before sitting down to watch the Patriots kick some *ss on Sunday.

I plan on getting back to the important work of losing the lard, tracking my food intake and increasing my exercise sessions come next week so I hope to have more updates including some starting figures which are no worse after the holidays (imagine that).

I'm detoxing from the NyQuil and looking forward to a New England Patriots win on Sunday. Have a great weekend everyone. I hope to start catching up with all of you weight loss stars out there.

NyQuil and the Status Quo

I made it through the holidays, my sMother's extended visit, requisite outings for holiday cheer (way too many cocktails of the Stoli vodka variety), numerous dinners out, birthday celebrations, and all the family dramas ... oh, the DRAMA of it all ... but that is a very long post for another day (or very expensive therapy sessions).

So it is a New Year and I'm going to focus on the New Me (ok, maybe not "New" but definitely "Improved"). I never liked making New Year resolutions; I make them at least every Monday so I don't need to make any special ones just because a New Year has started. I do like to start each year looking back at all the good things that happened, what I learned from the bad things, who the important people in my life are, who are the toxic people who I need to distance myself from and what I can do going forward to make a better life for myself in the coming year.

I still have a hard time believing I turned 40 this year and I keep hearing Peggy Lee singing "Is that all there is?" I'm not getting any younger and if there are things I'm going to accomplish in my life I better get my ass in gear, right? This year I am determined to reach some of my goals.

It wasn't easy but I didn't make myself crazy over every cookie or "bad" food I ate, I didn't get on the scale everyday and I tried to get in some form of exercise everyday and I'm exactly the same weight I was before the holidays. How f'd up is that? I could barely lose a damn pound watching every bit of food and working out like crazy but when I stopped doing that, ate pretty much what I wanted and certainly overindulged on the holiday sweetness and I maintained the same weight? That is messed up.

So this is it, this is the year, 2008 is my year of change. I'm going to eat healthy foods and not beat myself up if I eat something "bad" 'cause you know I will; I'm going to exercise with determination (no walking on the treadmill barely breaking a sweat, I need to get wet and sweat it out regularly). No more excuses.

That is my plan for 2008 but I haven't been able to get past the starting line because I'm sick as a dog. As soon as the ball dropped, sMother went back home, and I kissed hello, merry, merry, happy, happy with every germ carrier I find myself on the NyQuil diet. It is certainly not how I wanted to kick start the New Year. I've been wiped out with a sore throat, sniffling, sneezing, coughing, fever and an extremely achy body so I've been on the very popular NyQuil diet (day and night) for over a week. UGGHHH! I've been too exhausted to even get on the computer at night let alone work out. I'm focusing on getting some much needed rest, lots of fluids and bottles of NyQuil. I hope to be back in fighting form and ready to win this battle I am waging on my fat cells after a weekend of taking it easy.

Time for another dose of NyQuil. Good Night.