Thursday, March 19, 2009

It's a Pity Party ...

Did you get the invitation? I'm having a little pity party for myself. There won't be any cake but there will be lots of alcohol, preferably Stoli, Kettle One or Grey Goose, and I'm going to get those freaky fun house mirrors that make everyone look svelte.

I just can't stand it anymore. I'm so frustrated and disgusted with myself. I'm still wearing the same fat clothes, still binging, still "phoning in" the workouts, still looking longingly at all the cute outfits I can't wear spilling out of my closets. I'm still thinking about losing weight but not actually making any significant progress. I want desperately to lose weight but I'm still making the same mistakes over and over and over again.

I know I tend to get a little depressed this time of the year when the snow melts. Everything turns drab and brown until things start turning green. I know it's my own version of Spring Fever. I love the winter and the snow and hate to see it go. Mud season is so ugly and I'm certainly not looking forward to another hot summer trying to keep all my fat covered. Unless I get into the fast track to weight loss mode, I will be just as fat this summer as I was last summer. Shouldn't I have been at my goal already? Shouldn't I have at least made some progress? What the h*ll am I waiting for?

I've been reading tons of blogs trying to get inspired to get off my *ss and get serious again. There's lots of inspiration out there (thank you for doing your part). I feel like I'm just wasting years of my life in a body I don't particularly like. I don't even like to look at what I've done to my body. Does every fat girl avoid full length mirrors? or is it just me? The fatter I am the less I want to see. I know what my body can and should look like if I would just get off my *ss and work hard enough to lose the lard.

I know what I have to do. I know I need to make the commitment to myself and stick with the program. I'm not getting any younger and every day I poison my body with crap food is another day I get further from my goal. My healthy lifestyle is waiting for me and I want it NOW. This fat girl is not the real me.

Thanks for coming to my pity party. If you brought a gift, thank you, I hope it isn't food but a good hard kick the *ss (or at least top shelf vodka). Ok, everyone go home, the pity party is over. This is going to be the summer I get healthy, right?


  1. Big hugs from me to you !! Everyone has these days so don't beat yourself up about it. I know it's easy to say and much harder to do but why not pick just one thing this week to do/change and temporarily forget about the rest?

    Maybe a short walk every day or every 2nd day. Maybe smaller portions. I dunno... maybe just tell me to bugger off :) I just want to help. If you'd like to email me for a chat or to try some mutual motivation feel free. Roni over at ronisweigh found a nice quote recently... I think it went "My response is my responsibility". It struck a chord with me and reminded me that I have a choice when it comes to reacting to different situations.

  2. I am not saying you shouldn't try to lose weight if that is your goal, or that you shouldn't try to overcome disordered eating. But you might also want to try reading some more size positive stuff, like Fatshionista ( or Big Fat Deal (which is my blog, at because you don't have to stop loving yourself or finding yourself beautiful at every size on your journey.

  3. Crazylady: I'm always open to suggestions and would never tell you to "bugger off" ;) I'd love to be able to do my part on the mutual motivation front. Thanks for the support and great quote.

    mo pie: I've actually been reading Big Fat Deal and Fatshionista for years but somehow I never found your other blog.

    I do love myself but I hate having to wear this fat suit for so many years of this journey.

    Thanks for stopping by and thanks the years of positive advice on BFD. I'm usually sneaking a read at work so I don't get to comment much, if at all.

  4. its a hard place to be in, but dont let all of that keep you down. rather than focus on what you could have done or what you havent been able to do, start thinking about what it is that you can do. nothing wrong with a pity party every now and then, but do it and then move on. just think of a few small things that you can do to get you started and some type of reward for when you can consistently keep up with the small changes. sometimes when we look at the big picture, it seems so hard to accomplish. same thing for focusing on mistakes. its harder to move on. so just look forward and set a small goal and just work towards that. then go bigger, and soon you will have made many changes that you wont even remember this pity party!

  5. Heather: You are right, I have to stop looking at the big picture and just keep taking the baby steps. Eventually I'll get there. Hopefully it will be in this lifetime ;)


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