Tuesday, June 23, 2009


OMG! OMG! OMG! I can't believe how freaked out I am about posting my pictures. I feel so exposed and as bare as if I walked out of the house stark naked. I couldn't stop thinking about it all day, how the pictures of my fatself are out there for the whole world to see. I lost track of how many times I almost deleted them but I didn't give in to the anxiety and fear.

I don't know why it makes me feel so weird. It isn't like people don't see how fat I am every day when they look at me but I think it has more to do with the fact that I don't want to look at myself at this weight. I don't want to look at those pictures. I love who I am but I hate all the extra packaging. I remember what is underneath all the fat and I long to see it again. I want to like what I see in pictures.

As much as it pains me to take a good long look at these pictures I think it will be a good thing in the long run. I wasn't always fat and I'm still pretty active so I think sometimes I kid myself into believing that I'm not that fat. I need to force myself to really see myself, see my fat and see what the world sees when they look at me. I don't want to cringe when I look at photos of myself. I want to like what I see in the mirror. I hope to see allot less of me in 60 days.

Anyone want to join the Missouri 60 and see what a difference you can make in 60 days? Check out the challenge details here and more here at the AntiJared.

Take a picture. Do you like what you see?
* Girl Before a Mirror (1932) Pablo Picasso (Spanish, 1882-1973)


  1. It is crazy how we feel about the photographic evidence, isn't it? I mean, by hiding photos, we aren't hiding ourselves really. Everyone who looks at us still can see what we refuse to accept.

    Well done for doing it. When you complete the challenge, you will be so pleased you did!

  2. I know what you mean--pictures make it so much more real!!!

    You are an AWESOME photographer! I love looking at your pics and how you capture nature. Money doesn't make what we do more valuable :)

  3. Thanks for visiting my blog and your words of encouragement. I always find it strange how easy it is to encourage others on, but yet we seldom have kind encouraging words for ourselves.

    I have only read this one post of yours but am looking forward to reading more.

    Good luck with the challenge!

  4. Cheering you on for your 60 day challenge!!!! woot woot!

  5. The girls at girlgetstrong are cheering you on, go girl, and rock your runners!

  6. OK, remember that pictures ALWAYS make you look worse too (unless you are a photoshop wizard) But, I get it - totally. I don't like pictures of myself either - before OR after. ;) I can't wait to see how the challenge goes for you, though. You'll do great!

  7. I felt that way when I posted pics of myself in my sports bra a while back. I posted them and then instantly regretted it. it is a hard thing to do, but dont you worry. I dont think you look bad at all, and you will be happy you took these pics when you have an awesome "after" pic to post next to them.

  8. FFM: I don't like it but I accept it. This is where I am today and I just hope the photographic evidence will tell the tale in 60 days.

    Manuela: The pictures are freaking me out big time. I still want to rip them down but I know I need to get past that.

    Thanks! I make decent money at my day job and hate it. I wish I could afford to live on the money I make doing what I love.

    Karina: I'm trying not to be so hard on myself all the time. I need to treat myself the way I treat my friends, with love and understanding.

    M3MC and Melanie: I love having a cheering squad. Ra, ra, shish, boom, ba ... go team! Thanks!

    Savy: I think we're all delusional when we look at pictures of ourselves 'cause every single picture I've seen of you looks beautiful. As always, thanks for the support. You constantly inspire me. Hope the foot is better.

    Heather: I hope my after pictures are as awesome as yours although that will take way more than 60 days.


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