One Day at a Time ...

I've loved Valerie Bertinelli ever since I was a tween watching her play the innocent Barbara Cooper on One Day at a Time. I was envious when she married the amazing guitar god Eddie Van Halen and now I'm even more jealous she looks so smokin' hot in a bikini at 48. She always had a cute figure and was never scary skinny and never really fat either. She looks amazingly tone and healthy now on the cover of People.

I've been wondering if I should give Jenny Craig another shot but the thought of eating that packaged fake food again turns me right off. I know it works, I lost 60 pounds on the program decades ago. It works just like everything else but I don't think I can commit to it again. I'd rather keep working on trying to get a handle on eating real food, fruits, veggies, lean meats, you know, real food.

Check out Valerie's smokin' People cover shot here. 48 looks great.

STRESS!!!!

Have I mentioned I hate my job? I wonder if the stress of grinding away 40 hours/week in a job I hate has anything to do with my inability to let go of my fat. Is the fat protective armor? Does it serve any purpose? Sitting at a desk all day doesn't help even if I do run laps around the office especially now that they've cut the staff but still expect us to crank out the same amount of work with less support.

A recent article in Self says you can fill your shopping cart with stress busting foods. Here is what they suggest:

For brightening moods:
Almonds
Lowfat yogurt
Pistachios
Salmon
Scallops
Shrimp
Walnuts

B vitamins stimulate the brain's production of serotonin, helping you relax. Choose nuts for B6, fish and yogurt for B12.

For jump-starting immunity:
Blueberries
Broccoli
Green bell peppers
Kiwifruit
Strawberries
Tomatoes

Veg out with vitamin C, which blunts the effects of stress by reducing free radicals and bolstering your immune system. It is also your body's first line of defense against stressors like colds and exertion.

For managing anger:
Avocados
Bananas
Black beans
Corn
Potatoes
White beans

Feeling steamed? Seek out potassium, an electrolyte that helps lower blood pressure.

For sounder sleep:
Chickpeas
Lentils
Oatmeal
Pumpkin seeds
Spinach
Swiss chard

Magnesium acts as a natural tranquilizer that relaxes muscles, blood vessels and the gastrointestinal tract. Plus, the mineral plays a role in boosting serotonin.

I don't see any chocolate, bread or baked goods on this list so why are those always the foods I turn to when I'm stressed? I'm going to take this list to the market tomorrow and stock up on the good stuff.

Good Advice ...

Check out more Good Advice from Mother Nature here.

It's a Pity Party ...

Did you get the invitation? I'm having a little pity party for myself. There won't be any cake but there will be lots of alcohol, preferably Stoli, Kettle One or Grey Goose, and I'm going to get those freaky fun house mirrors that make everyone look svelte.

I just can't stand it anymore. I'm so frustrated and disgusted with myself. I'm still wearing the same fat clothes, still binging, still "phoning in" the workouts, still looking longingly at all the cute outfits I can't wear spilling out of my closets. I'm still thinking about losing weight but not actually making any significant progress. I want desperately to lose weight but I'm still making the same mistakes over and over and over again.

I know I tend to get a little depressed this time of the year when the snow melts. Everything turns drab and brown until things start turning green. I know it's my own version of Spring Fever. I love the winter and the snow and hate to see it go. Mud season is so ugly and I'm certainly not looking forward to another hot summer trying to keep all my fat covered. Unless I get into the fast track to weight loss mode, I will be just as fat this summer as I was last summer. Shouldn't I have been at my goal already? Shouldn't I have at least made some progress? What the h*ll am I waiting for?

I've been reading tons of blogs trying to get inspired to get off my *ss and get serious again. There's lots of inspiration out there (thank you for doing your part). I feel like I'm just wasting years of my life in a body I don't particularly like. I don't even like to look at what I've done to my body. Does every fat girl avoid full length mirrors? or is it just me? The fatter I am the less I want to see. I know what my body can and should look like if I would just get off my *ss and work hard enough to lose the lard.

I know what I have to do. I know I need to make the commitment to myself and stick with the program. I'm not getting any younger and every day I poison my body with crap food is another day I get further from my goal. My healthy lifestyle is waiting for me and I want it NOW. This fat girl is not the real me.

Thanks for coming to my pity party. If you brought a gift, thank you, I hope it isn't food but a good hard kick the *ss (or at least top shelf vodka). Ok, everyone go home, the pity party is over. This is going to be the summer I get healthy, right?

Mother@#$%^Board ...

The motherboard on my PC died. I didn't even get to say goodbye. We came home from VT Sunday and the PC wouldn't fire up - WT?. It was working fine before we left on Friday, I shut it down and that was the last time I saw it alive. It's gone, dead, no lights, no photos, no websites, no blogs, no nothing. UGGH! It's always somethin', if it's not one thing it's another ....


I'm relieved I finally got my pictures copied onto a 1TB external hard drive I got for Christmas so at least I didn't lose any photos. My computer geek thinks the hard drive is fine so I should be able to get everything else off it *fingers crossed.* I wasn't planning on shelling out $500+ for a new PC but it's supposed to have tons of memory, a faster quad core processor blah, blah, blah. I'll be happy if it just stays alive and kickin' a few years.

Do you think electronics are only good for so many hours, programmed to die after so many hours so you have to buy the latest model because now all the parts to fix it are obsolete? Of course, it waits 'til the day after your extended warranty runs out. I think it's all a big scam. I guess I'm doing my part to keep the economy going.

Pipe Dreams?

I'm beginning to wonder if I'll ever really figure out my issues with food. Will I ever be able to permanently get rid of these flabby rolls that have made a home on my 5'3" frame. Will I ever get to a point where I am comfortable with my body?

I'm so sick of the roller coaster ride, sick of denying myself foods I love, sick of giving in to the urges to binge and the post binge guilt, sick of losing a few pounds one week and gaining it back the next.

I've been struggling with my weight since I was 13 years old. When I was thin, I wasn't thin enough and would diet and lose and then gain it back plus some extra all the way up to my current all time high. I'm over 40 *gasp* and spent a lifetime screwing up my body. When will it stop?

I keep thinking the only way I can lose weight consistently is to completely get off the sugar/flour. It's so hard for me to commit to that (AGAIN) because it is so hard core and I always feel deprived but I know it works for me. My body doesn't know how to process that crap and it's obviously telling me that by holding onto all this flab.

Even when (not if) I lose the weight again I know can't stay away from that stuff forever so am I destined to repeat the lose/gain cycle for the rest of my life? Is it just a pipe dream to think I can get it right this time? I hope not. I can't give up the fight but I wonder if I will ever really win this war.

Spring Ahead ...

We lost an hour of sleep today but we get the benefit of more daylight hours so it's a good thing but I always get a little depressed this time of year. I like getting out of work while it is still light out but I hate to see the winter end. It looks like my season is going to end early with the warm temps we had this weekend. It was in the 70s here in Boston and the snow is melting fast up north.


Spring also makes me think how quickly another summer is approaching and if I don't get off my *ss and get serious about this weight loss I am going to end up spending ANOTHER summer trying to keep all my fat covered instead of enjoying the pool and other activities that require minimal clothing.


Just thinking about putting a bathing suit makes me break out in a cold sweat. I'm not brave enough to even try one on right now. Just thinking about it is stressing me out.


I keep making the same mistakes, going round in circles and not getting anywhere. I'm determined to get into a consistent exercise program and getting out of the sugar/carb cycle. I know what those simple carbs and sugar do to my system but I still continue to stuff them in my mouth. What is wrong with me?


I don't have any chance of getting to my goal by the time summer gets here but I can be well on my way to a healthier life if I get down to business and take care of myself, exercise at least an hour 5-6 days a week and stop stuffing my face with crap food.

I'm off to hit the treadmill and elliptical now. As much as I would like to hang on to winter, summer will be here before you know it.

Thematic Photographic - Winter

I have been slacking in my Thematic Photographic participation but wanted to be sure to post an entry on my favorite season - Winter. I know people are longing for Spring here but I am holding out for more snow. I absolutely love winter and winter sports - especially snowmobiling. You can check out more snowy winter photos on my VTRiders blog.

If you want to participate in the fun, head over to Written Inc. and check out the details.

Let it snow, Let it snow, Let it snow!!!

Vacation is Over :(

I can't believe it's Sunday night already. I don't want to go back to work tomorrow. Why do vacation days go by so much quicker than work days? I had so much fun playing in the snow. I wish I could have stayed in Vermont another week but I need those paychecks.

I haven't gotten on the scale yet but I'm hoping I didn't do too much damage. I didn't make the best choices eating on the road and grabbing snacks to have on the trail. I'm planning on a big food shopping trip tomorrow after work so I can stock up on healthy stuff and get back to the losing game.

I can't wait to check up on all of you. I hope you had a good week. If you want details of my snowmobile vacation you can check them out here.