Out With the Old ...

I've had this picture on my sidebar for years but I think it's about time to take it down. Deleting the picture is my way of taking a hammer to it without the cool metal smashing sounds. I was always too ashamed to display the cold hard numbers so I just used this "too much" scale as a reminder that I wasn't where I wanted to be. I should look for one that says "just right" now. I may not be at goal just yet but I'm at the point where I'll be content as long as I never go above the weight I am right now. I'm determined to never venture into the 150s again, that is going to be my line in the sand.

I think I'm going to replace the above picture with this one:

I wish I had taken progress photos regularly but I had a habit of deleting every bad picture of myself and they were all bad when I was racing my way up the scale to top out at 242 pounds. When I started this blog shortly after my 40th birthday in 2007 I weighed approximately 225 and somehow managed to gain 17 pounds the first two years even though I spent almost every waking moment thinking about how much I wanted to lose weight. I've learned that thinking about it just gets you fatter.

I'm sure nobody in their right mind would want to follow in my footsteps and take almost 4 years (only a year and a half of real effort) to get close to goal but I am proof that it can happen if you don't give up. You will get there no matter how long it takes if you keep trying things until you find what works for you. What worked for me is the anti-diet diet, the slow and steady mentality and lots of sweat. Oh, and losing my job and having the time to go to the gym everyday certainly helped. I'm not sure it would have ever happened if I didn't get laid off which is why I believe everything happens for a reason. It ended up being such a blessing. I think this may be my reward for putting up with all that b.s. for so long.

If what you're doing now isn't working, try something different. Nothing is off limits in my diet because I know as soon as you tell me I can't have something it's the only thing I want. Here's an example: DO NOT THINK ABOUT ELEPHANTS! So, what are you thinking about right now? Elephants? right? See?

If I give myself permission to have absolutely anything I want in moderation it loses its hold on me. It's no longer a temptation. I can have if I really want it. It's just food and most of the time I've tasted whatever it is before. Do I really want it? or do I want to make a better choice? You'd be surprised how often you'll make the better choice if you just give yourself permission to have what you really want (in moderation).

If you hate the elliptical, try the bike. If you hate the gym, take a walk around the block. If you want to feel strong, take a kickboxing class (I LOVE IT!!!). If you want to relax, try yoga. If you want to dance, try zumba. If you want to feel pain in every single muscle of your body, try tabata. If you can't get out of the house do some sit ups or squats throughout the day, throw some punches, do a few jumping jacks, anything to get you moving. Whatever it takes to make it work for you is what you need to find. Keep looking and don't stop until you find it.

It's time to get rid of old habits that aren't working for you and replace them with new and better ones. What small change can you make today to get you one small step closer to where you want to be? Out with the old and in with the new and improved version of you.

Second Annual 101 Days of Summer Challenge

Summer is unofficially here in the northern hemisphere! Took long enough, huh? I hope you all enjoyed the long Memorial Day weekend. I took my first swim in the pool and for the first time in a long time didn't freak out about being seen in a bathing suit. I didn't even wear shorts over my bathing suit like I've done for years. Now that is a NSV!

I had so much fun last year participating in Biz' 101 Days of Summer Challenge I decided to jump in again this year. It's interesting to look back and see where I started a year ago and the progress I made during the challenge. Last year I started the challenge at 215 pounds and broke through to Onederland by losing 17 pounds. This year I'm starting at 149 pounds and only have 8 pounds to go to reach my goal of 101 pounds lost! Sometimes I need to pinch myself because it seems so unreal after struggling for so long.

My goals for the 2011 101 Days of Summer Challenge are:

1. Get to goal FINALLY! I have 8 pounds to go to reach 101 pounds lost and get to a (high range) normal BMI.

2. Drink more water. I'm shooting for those 100 ounces per day.

3. Keep working on the C25K (I'm up to week 3 these days). This was one of my goals last year that I still haven't mastered. I thought about accepting the fact that I'm not meant to be a runner but I'm going to keep working on this one.

4. Start the hardest part of weight loss ~ maintaining it.

I tweaked my goals a bit from what I first told Biz because I decided to turn down the job that I was supposed to start tomorrow. I'm not sure if I made the right decision but I feel more at peace now that I have made the decision so that must mean something. I'm sure I'll be heading back to the work force very soon but it will not be tomorrow.

I'm looking forward to meeting new challengers and cheering everyone on. I'm sure it will be a great summer if we can all reach our goals or at least make good steady progress. As you all know by now, I'm a firm believer in slow and steady.

Rock on!

Freedom is NOT Free

Many have paid the highest price. Please remember to thank all of those who have made sacrifices for our freedom.

Happy Memorial Day!

Photographic Proof I am NOT the Biggest Loser

I've watched every single season of the Biggest Loser and was thrilled that this season ended with an all women finale. I was so excited to see the sisters, Oliva and Hannah, make it to the finals together. I love seeing people transform their lives and reach their goals but I have a few issues with the show. You can read about my love/hate relationship with TBL here. There wasn't too much drama this season and I believe almost all the "Losers" this year were there to change their lives and not just there to play the game and win the money.

I'm happy to say I no longer qualify to be on the show even if I were brave enough to get weighed in wearing a bra for all the world to see. I could barely stand to take progress photos of myself but now I wish I had. I love seeing before and after photos and wish I had the nerve to post them like many of you do. Whenever I saw a photo of my fat self I would think "who is that?" "that can't be me," "do I really look like that?" "I must destroy these photos!" Pictures can be altered and different angles can be better or worse than others but for the most part they don't lie.

In May 2010 I attended the step challenge for Season 10 of the Biggest Loser after already losing approximately 40 pounds. You can read all about how Jillian kick my ass and how burnt I was here. It was so much fun watching Season 10 with the "Boston/NY" team (Brendan, Frado and Elizabeth) after meeting them all at the challenge so I felt a special connection to their season. I have since lost an addition 50+ through Season 10 and Season 11 and I'm still not at my goal weight. I have been losing weight for over three seasons of TBL and still haven't lost as much as they all did in only 5 months. Of course we all wish the weight would come off faster but I am a firm believer that slow and steady wins the race. I've lost weight quickly before and it came back on just as quick. It really doesn't matter how long it takes you to get there as long as you are moving in the right direction.

Even though I didn't take many progress photos I did manage to find a few I didn't destroy so I could show you. The first one was taken at my 40th birthday party shortly before I started this blog in 2007. The three in the green/blue shirt were posted for Tony, the AntiJared's Missouri 60 Challenge and were the first photos of myself I put on this blog and totally freaked out about. The one in the pink shirt from May 2010 was taken at the Biggest Loser Season 10 Step Challenge after I had already lost 40 pounds.


I'm looking forward to being at goal by the time the next season of the Biggest Loser starts. Remember, it doesn't matter how long it takes to lose it. Keep making those small changes and you will get to the finish line. I'm happy to say I am NOT the Biggest Loser.

Decisions, Decisions ...

How do we ever really know when we make the right ones?

I think I'm going out of my mind. I've been having second thoughts about taking the job I accepted. I had a bit of a meltdown yesterday afternoon thinking that this time next week I'll be back to the daily grind. I know I have to go back but I don't know if I should take advantage of the time remaining to look for something better. I won't have another opportunity to have this kind of time off until I retire (unless I hit the lottery).

I also can't help but feel a bit guilty as well because there are so many people out of work that would jump at the chance to take this opportunity and the others I have turned down but I can't help how I feel. Help! I just don't know what to do.

I'm heading out to my kickboxing class and plan to stay for yoga as well. I'm hoping after two hours of all those endorphins surging through me the right decision will be clear so I can be at peace with it, whatever it is. Maybe I should just leave it to fate and flip a coin.

How do you know when you are making the right decision?

Slimmer this Summer Challenge

I'm excited to join Debbie's Slimmer this Summer challenge to help keep me focused on my goals especially during my transition back to the working world. You can check out all the details here. The challenge doesn't start until June 6th so there's plenty of time for you to join in too.

Here's what I'm hoping to accomplish during this challenge:

1. GOAL!

I'd love to finally get to my goal of losing 101 pounds. Over the years I've changed the amount but I think a 101 pound loss is a pretty good number to shoot for. It sounds pretty impressive, huh? It will put me in the high end of the normal BMI range but I think it will be a good weight to settle in at where I won't have to kill myself to maintain. I like curves and have no intention or desire to lose all of them if that were even possible. I've got a little more or a little less than 10 pounds to lose depending on what day's weight I go by.

2. WORKOUTS

I'm going back to work next week so I won't be able to get to the gym whenever I want. My goal is to go to my kickboxing classes twice a week at lunch and hit the gym for an elliptical session and weights at least once a week. I'm also planning on walking to and from the train station when the weather cooperates so I will get at least 2 miles of walking in each day as well.

3. WATER

I think increasing my water intake will be easier once I go back to work. I get enough water while I'm working out but when I'm out and about running around I sometimes forget to stay hydrated. I have my giant water bottle ready to bring to work and will shoot to get my 100 ounces a day.

4. FOOD

I'm going to try to limit my lunches out to once or twice a week and plan on brown bagging a healthy lunch and snacks the other three days. I'm also going to do my best to avoid all the candy and crap that is always being passed around the office. I have to remember that boredom is not a reason to eat. I also want to avoid the temptation to order take out or go out for dinner because I'm too tired to cook. This is probably going to mean that I will be eating dinner later than I have been but that might prevent my nighttime snack attacks.

5. MENTAL HEALTH

I need to stay positive and remember that food doesn't make stress go away. There is no need to stuff myself just because I feel stressed out. I'm going to start each day with a positive affirmation that it will be a good day. Some days it is just mind over matter, right? If we believe it will be good, it will.

I'm looking forward to reaching these goals by the time August rolls around. Who's up for a challenge? Come on, join in, it will be fun.

I'm off to get my ass kicked at TaeBox and then I'm having lunch with a dear friend. Hope you all have a great day!

Time of My Life

I've had the time of my life the past 18 months and sadly it's all coming to an abrupt end. If you've been coming around here for a while you may remember how much I hated my job and how stressed out I was. I felt sick every single day I walked off the elevator into my office to be tortured and abused just to collect the almighty paycheck. I put up with that abuse for way too long and I don't ever want to go back to that life.

I spent the first two and a half years of this blog wanting to lose weight but never actually making much progress. It wasn't until I got laid off in November 2009 that I started making any real progress on the weight loss front. The past 18 months have been such a blessing and I'm so thankful I was able to take advantage of the time I had off. I know instead of going to the gym almost every day and dropping 90 pounds it could have easily gone the other way if I sat home in front of the tv and stuffed myself from boredom.

I spent countless hours on the elliptical. I attempted to complete the C25K program (still working on that one). I've learned how hard yoga is even though it looks so damn easy. I started lifting weights and feeling strong. I've Zumbad and I found out how long 20 seconds is doing Tabata. I found out I LOVE cardio kickboxing and actually enjoy going to the gym now. I stopped binging on crappy processed foods but still indulge in foods I love. Nothing is off limits and everything, even cake and ice cream, is fine in moderation.

I have to be honest and admit I'm extremely nervous, almost terrified, about going back to work next week. Is it too soon? Should I have held out for more money? Should I have waited until I got to my goal weight? How do we ever know if we made the right decision?

How will I find the time to get to the gym after working 40 hours? How will I resist eating the crappy food that is always in the office? How will I deal with the stress? How will I make sure I don't fall into the same traps that tripped me up before? Am I strong enough to handle it now?

I'm really scared. I don't want to go back to that miserable life. I don't want to be sad, depressed, tired, lazy and fat. I am stronger now but am I strong enough? I'm hoping I've learned enough over the past 18 months to make sure I don't lose myself again going back to the daily grind. I don't ever want to gain back all the weight I lost or lose the self-confidence I found.

What really scares me is the fact that I've been here before. I've been so close to reaching my goal weight only to go back to bad habits and regain all the weight again and again. I can't let that happen again. This time will be different. I'm different. I'm not going to let a job and my need for a paycheck take that from me NO MATTER WHAT!

The transition will be hard but I pray once I get into the groove I will find a way to make it work. I see YOU making it work and I just need to learn how to do it too. Please, show me the way. I don't want to get lost again. Please let me know if you have any advice on how not to lose myself again now that I found a job.

As always, thank you so much for all the support! You are the BEST!!!

Last call ....

Good News/Bad News

Good News: I got a job!!
Bad News: I have to go back to work ;(

Good News: I'll be getting a paycheck
Bad News: The paycheck will be so much smaller

Good News: I'll be working at a low-stress office
Bad News: I'll be working in an office

Good News: I'll be working close enough to the gym to continue to go to kickboxing classes
Bad News: I'll be rushing to get there, work out and get back in a lunch hour

Good News: I've lost over 90 pounds since getting laid off in November 2009
Bad News: I'm still not at my goal after 18 months

Good News: I've lost a total of 90.3 pounds in the past 18 months
Bad News: I gained 1.6 pounds this week

Good News: I only have to lose 10.7 pounds to get to my goal
Bad News: The last 10 pounds are the hardest

Good News: I feel blessed to have had this time to take care of myself
Bad News: It's going to be much harder to find the time to take care of myself

Good News: It's Friday!
Bad News: I only have one more free Friday after today

Good News: It's all GOOD!

Steppin' It Up Challenge

PriorFatGirl and Polar USA's Steppin' It Up Challenge is complete and I'm very proud to report that I was able to log 65.75 miles of activity in 15 days which is an average of over 4 miles a day. Here's the breakdown:

Date and Distance

5/2/2011: 9.25 (2.97 elliptical; 6.21 walk)
5/3/2011: 5.00 (2.64 walk; 2.32 taebox)
5/4/2011: --
5/5/2011: 7.00 (4.82 walk; 2.3 taebox)
5/6/2011: --
5/7/2011: 3.00 (3.08 walk)
5/8/2011: 4.00 (3.92 walk)
5/9/2011: 4.50 (2.46 elliptical; 2.04 walk)
5/10/2011: 5.00 (2.78 walk; 2.33 taebox)
5/11/2011: 5.50 (2.78 elliptical; 2.77 walk)
5/12/2011: 6.5 (4.29 walk; 2.28 taebox)
5/13/2011: 6.0 (2.99 elliptical; 2.94 dreadmill)
5/14/2011: 2.5 (2.52 walk)
5/15/2011: 2.0 (1.93 walk)
5/16/2011: 5.5 (3.21 elliptical; 2.15 C25K)

Total Activity Miles: 65.75

Not too shabby, huh? I'm excited to find out how I did compared to the other competitors but I'm pretty happy with those numbers except for the two days I wasn't able to get a workout in.

Here are my FitBit weekly stats for 5/09/2011 to 5/15/2011:

TOTAL STEPS: 103,883
DAILY AVERAGE: 14,840 steps
WEEKLY BEST: 21,600 steps

TOTAL DISTANCE: 45.06 miles
DAILY AVERAGE: 6.44 miles
WEEKLY BEST: 9.33 miles

TOTAL CALS BURNED: 15,626
DAILY AVERAGE: 2,232 cals
WEEKLY BEST: 2,433 cals

WEIGHT CHANGE: 0.6 lb
LIGHTEST: 150.1 lb
HEAVIEST: 150.7 lb

As you can see, I was so damn close to breaking into the 140s. I don't know when I'll get there or when I'll reach goal (soon, I hope) but I know it will happen because I'm not giving up, no matter what.

Jen has been inspiring me for years as she has taken us along on her healthiness journey and she continues to inspire me every single day through all of her ups and downs. In her recent email to the challengers she wrote "You cannot give up. Push hard, end with a bang and give it all you have. There are no winners or losers in this challenge - this is about you pushing yourself beyond what you think you can do."

Have you been giving it all you got? Have you been pushing yourself beyond what you think you can do? Have you been steppin' it up? If not, why not? You are worth it. Get moving and Step It Up!

Steppin' It Up

Every single journey we take starts with one single step and now it is time for me to step it up and finally get to my goal. I decided to join Prior Fat Girl's Steppin' It Up Challenge which is a two week competition to log the most miles. I'm not sure how my miles are stacking up against the other competitors but I've logged almost 30 miles in the first week and I'm hoping to step it up even more the second week. As much as I would love to win the fabulous prize of a Polar Heart Rate Monitor, I'm not in it for the prizes.

For almost a year now I've been keeping track of my steps with a FitBit. It may not have all the bells and whistles of the Polar HRM but it definitely keeps me motivated to reach my goal of getting at least 10,000 steps a day. Some days are much harder than others but I've noticed that I don't come close to those 10,000 steps unless I get to the gym or go for a LONG walk.

FitBit recently started sending me weekly stats in an e-mail so I plan on recording them here so you can see how active (or inactive) I've been. Feel free to give me a little kick if you notice I've been slacking off.

Here are my stats for the week of 5/02/2011 to 5/08/2011:

TOTAL STEPS: 98,645
DAILY AVERAGE: 14,092
WEEKLY BEST: 25,137 steps

TOTAL DISTANCE: 42.31 miles
DAILY AVERAGE: 6.04 miles
WEEKLY BEST: 10.88 miles

TOTAL CALS BURNED: 15,697
DAILY AVERAGE: 2,242 cals
WEEKLY BEST: 2,717 cals

WEIGHT CHANGE: 0.5 lb
LIGHTEST: 151.2 lb
HEAVIEST: 151.7 lb

I'm still struggling to get under the 150 pound mark but I'm not stressing out about it. Just like the past 90+ pounds I've lost, these last pounds will come off slowly but surely as long as I continue doing the right things to make it possible. I figure the longer it takes me to get to goal the more likely I am to learn what I need to do to stay there and not relapse like I've done in the past.

Summer is just around the corner for those of us in the northern hemisphere. What are you doing to step it up?

May Day! May Day!

Happy May Day!

It's almost time to break out the bathing suits for those of us who have struggled through a long cold snowy winter. Spring has finally sprung here in the Northeast and my itchy, watery eyes and non-stop sneezing fits prove that things are bloomin' and pollen is flying everywhere.

I've been dancing around the 150 pound mark but haven't been able to break through to the 140s yet. "They" say that the last 10 pounds are the hardest to lose but I disagree. Every single pound lost is hard and takes effort but it is worth it. I managed to gain 1.3 pounds this week but I'm used to the roller coaster by now and know that it's just how my body fluctuates. I generally have a few good weeks of losses and then a gain.

I'm planning on joining a couple of challenges to keep me motivated and hopefully help me reach my goal this month or next. I'm a very slow loser but I'm getting there, slowly but surely. As soon as I get all the challenge details I'll let you know all about it.

Have a great May Day!

Wordless Wednesday - Spring Edition

Happy Patriots Day!

Patriots Day, also known as Marathon Monday, is a BIG holiday here in Boston. It was a perfect day for a run. Oh, not for me, I'm still struggling to complete the C25K program but it was a good day for those crazy fit people who are able to run for 26.2 miles! I can't even imagine being able to run that far but I admire every single person who attempts it. I didn't go in town early enough to get a good spot to take pictures of the runners but I had fun seeing everyone walking around with their white and silver capes like superheros. They are my superheros. Congrats to all who ran, walked, or crawled across the finish line!

It's Always Something ....

WOW! What a week!

As Roseanne Roseannadanna* used to say, "it's always something - if it ain't one thing, it's another. I was disappointed I didn't get my usual workouts in last week due to a bunch of different reasons. Sometimes life just gets in the way, ya know? I did go to the gym Monday for an hour long session with the elliptical, got my ass kicked at TaeBox on Tuesday and went on a few walks here and there but that was it. It's funny that a couple of years ago that would have been a great week of workouts.

B had to have some minor surgery on Thursday (he's fine now) so I wasn't able to go to kickboxing and both of our vehicles are at the repair shop so I didn't have any wheels to get around. We've been having quite a run of bad car karma these days. We've spent about $2,000 in repairs in just the past couple of weeks and the vehicles still aren't running right.

I really need to suck it up and get back to work soon. How do you really know what you're getting yourself into when everyone seems so sweet and nice when you interview with them? I know you will think I'm crazy but I actually turned down a job last week. Who does that in this economy? Have I lost my mind? Maybe. I turned it down because it was an extremely HIGH stress position for extremely low dirt pay and I just wasn't willing to sell out knowing I'd be walking right back into a bad situation. I do have two interesting interviews set up for next week though so I'm keeping my fingers crossed I'll end up in a good place.

Anyway, just wanted to check in and let you know what's been going on with me.

*Most of you are probably too young to remember Gilda Radner's SNL News character Roseanne Roseannadanna. Roseanne Roseannadanna would read a letter, usually from the ever-curious Richard Fader of Fort Lee, New Jersey. The letter would ask a series of questions, usually about some current social issue, to which Roseannadanna would usually reply, "Mr. Fader, you sure do ask a lot of stupid questions for a guy from New Jersey," or "You belong in New Jersey!" Then she would sometimes make a derogatory comment about New Jersey. She would then answer the questions. While answering the questions, she would invariably digress, launching into a lengthy anecdote with no relevance to the topic at hand, frequently having to do with an encounter Roseannadanna had had with a celebrity. Invariably, the story would lead into Roseannadanna's going into disgustingly graphic detail about bodily functions or personal hygiene; with these details, she would use a famous celebrity as an example and say that she would ask these celebrities, "What are ya tryin' to do, make me sick?!"

Eventually, Jane Curtin would interrupt, stating, "Roseanne, you're making me sick." Curtin would then ask her what her comments had to do with the question. Roseannadanna's response was, "Well, Jane, it just goes to show you, it's always something--if it ain't one thing, it's another."

All Good Things

I am so thankful and feel truly blessed to have had the opportunity to get my life, body, soul and mind back in shape over the past year and a half but as the saying goes, "all good things must come to an end" and I have to admit I'm really scared. I don't want to go back into that deep dark hole ever again. I don't want to feel sick every single day I have to go to work and feel like I've sold my soul for a paycheck.

The clock is ticking and I'm at the point where I really need to get back to the daily grind. I've been interviewing and I can feel my stress level increase just walking in the doors of these law firms. I know they are not all going to be as bad as the place I worked but I'm still nervous and worried about how I'm going to find a way to make sure I don't let stress take me back down that road again. I was reduced to tears almost every single day and would feel physically sick just getting off the elevator in the morning.

When I got laid off in November 2009 I was extremely stressed out, depressed and tipping the scales at my highest weight ever. I joined the gym and spent an average of 5 days a week sweating on the elliptical for hour long sessions. I was able to get a handle on my stress/binge eating and stopped trying to stuff my feelings down with food.

It was a very slow process but I've managed to lose over 80 pounds and I'm so close to reaching my goal weight. Over the past six months I found out that I LOVE kickboxing and experienced how amazing an endorphin high can be. I have more energy and look forward to getting out of bed instead of hitting the snooze button over and over again.

Is it just going to be a matter of time management and finding the time to get to the gym? How will I handle the urge to eat all the crap that is always around the office? How will I respond when I feel overwhelmed with work and having to deal with difficult, hard to please lawyers who expect miracles?

I don't have the answers but I'm hoping some of you have some good advice. It's coming down to the wire and I'm going to have to find a way to make it work. Help! I'm scared! Any suggestions?

Numbers Game

I apologize for being so inconsistent with my posts. Seems like I wrote more when I wasn't losing than I do now. I'm probably one of the most inconsistent bloggers around but just because I haven't posted does not mean I've given up and fallen off "the wagon." I'm still here and going strong. Well, maybe not strong but I'm going and getting stronger every day.

I did manage to gain 2.8 pound this week but I'm not really that upset about it. After weighing myself every single day for over a year I've learned that my weight can fluctuate up to 5 pounds from one day to the next, it doesn't necessarily mean I binged or didn't work out all week. It can be such a head game but we have to learn how to get over the numbers. It is what it is and we can't let it throw us off track.

We've all played the numbers game, right? We start a diet determined to lose "X" amount of weight in "X" amount of days and if we don't see the numbers we want on the scale we tend to throw our hands in the air and give up because what's the use. We workout, we eat right and we don't lose as much as we expected to lose or may even show a gain. It's enough to make you crazy and start thinking negative, self-defeating thoughts and send us running to the kitchen to stuff down our frustrations with all the foods we had been denying ourselves. We tend to say things like "What's the use? I exercised every single day, avoided all those yummy foods I wanted and gained weight. I give up." Don't ever give up!

I'm happy to say that I've stopped playing this numbers game for the most part. Over the past year and a half I have concentrated more on my workouts, fighting the urge to binge and mindlessly eat and being more consistent with my food choices. Some weeks I only lost .1, some weeks I gained and on rare occasions I would lose a few pounds. Whether I lost or gained I've just continued to do what I've been doing and eventually the scale catches up.

I find it a little hard to believe I've lost over 80 pounds and only have about 15 pounds to lose to get to my goal. We all know those last 10-15 pounds are the hardest, right? They're all hard if you ask me but I'm just going to continue to do what I need to do and not worry about how many days/weeks/months it will take me to get there. It's not a race. It took years, decades, a lifetime even, to put it all on so why do we expect it to come off as soon as we sweat for 5 minutes or eat a carrot?

Hang in there, take care of yourself, move your body, fuel it with good stuff and be patient. We'll get there as long as we never give up. It's kind of like the lottery, you can't win if you don't play so get out there and get in the game. Rock on!

Long and Winding Road - One Step at a Time

I spent so many YEARS struggling to get a grip on my weight issues, body image and eating disorders. I started this blog shortly after my 40th birthday and two years later I was even fatter, totally stressed out and absolutely miserable. No matter how badly I wanted to lose weight I was just not doing the things I needed to do consistently enough to make that happen. It wasn't until I got laid off from my job after 11+ stressful years that I had a breakthrough. I got rid of the overwhelming stress of my daily life, I joined the gym and started working out regularly, I stopped bingeing, I started eating healthier foods but didn't give up anything. Nothing was off limits.


Throughout the past 14 months I have indulged in all sorts of so-called "bad" foods. I've had cookies, cake, ice cream, chocolate, bread and everything and anything else I really wanted IN MODERATION. I didn't make myself sick by eating a dozen or more cookies like I had in the past but would have one or two and be satisfied. I started really tasting those treats and realized I didn't want to waste my indulgences on processed, packaged crap that didn't really taste good. I passed up the crap and enjoyed every bite of homemade deliciousness without guilt.

Some weeks I didn't lose any weight, some weeks I only lost .1 or .2 pounds and other weeks I gained weight but I learned it didn't really matter what the scale said as long as I continued to work out and eat right I was on the right road and would eventually get to where I needed to be. I'm not there yet but I'm extremely close. I think I'm right around the weight I was when I first started dieting. How is it that I feel healthy and strong now but it wasn't good enough then? When will we learn to accept our bodies? I know I will never be tall or a size two and I'm ok with that. I don't need to be a certain size to feel good, I just need to keep taking care of myself.

Whether you are just starting out on this road or you're tired from the long journey, don't be discouraged. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other and each little baby step will bring you one step closer to where you want to be. Keep the faith and never give up. You are worth it!

Perfect Weight Loss Plan

Jenny C., WW, Atkins, South Beach, Nutri-System, Calorie Counting, Cabbage Soup, Slim-Fast, Starvation, Binge/Purge ... you can lose weight using any weight loss program out there if you stick to it. Some methods are dangerous, some are expensive, some are time consuming, some are tried and true and healthier than others but if you can't see yourself doing it for the rest of your life and think once you get the weight off you can go back to eating like you did before you are setting yourself up to fail.


I can't tell you how many times I thought I had my weight problem licked after losing 60+ pounds only to regain it in record time and end up fatter than I was before I started the life-changing diet.

This time was different. Nothing, I mean, absolutely nothing, was off limits. I've had cake, cookies, pasta, bread, alcohol, you name it, I've eaten it and still lost weight. The difference this time is I've only had what I really wanted. I stayed away from the boxed crap and only indulged if I REALLY wanted it. If I took a few bites and it wasn't as good as I expected it to be, I didn't finish it.

I've also put in more time at the gym than I ever have before. I learned how amazing an endorphin high can be and I've become addicted to cardio kickboxing. I absolutely love how I feel after getting good and sweaty at the gym. Some days it is a struggle to get there but it is always worth it.

I read so many blogs where people moan about not being able to eat chocolate or go out to dinner with friends because of the temptations they will face. Dieting shouldn't take over your life. You need to find one that works with your life and one that you can do for the rest of your life. I never thought I'd be saying this but if I can do it, you can too. Find what works for you and stick with it, be consistent and never give up.

What works for you?

Why Be Normal?

"Normal" is relative. What is normal for you or me may seem totally bat-shit crazy to someone else. Most of my friends are unusual characters, not crazy people, just unique individuals. I've always gravitated towards people who have strong personalities, don't tend to run with the masses or even care what the masses think, and march to the beat of their own drum.

I always thought that being "Normal" was overrated. Who wants to be normal? Normal is boring and in the case of the BMI chart can be total bull. Still, when it comes to the BMI chart, I've been dreaming of being considered "Normal" and can't believe how close I'm getting to that "Normal" line. Check out the snapshot of my Wii screen showing my BMI graph. In November 2009 my BMI was over 40 which is the Morbidly Obese range and now I'm hovering just above "Normal."

I have no intention of getting down to the recommended BMI for my height because I think I would look scary skinny at that weight (129) and it would be almost impossible for me to maintain it without severe food restrictions and hours at the gym daily. I really like my curves and have every intention of keeping them so I'm shooting for the high end of the BMI "Normal" range.

I was so excited the first day my Wii stopped saying "that's OBESE," and instead said "that's OVERWEIGHT." I can't wait to tell me I'm "NORMAL."

What do you think about the BMI chart? Do you think it's an accurate measure? or total bull?

Snow Way!

Not again! Mother Nature keeps throwing a wrench into my workout plans. For the second time in the past two weeks I shoveled out my driveway, and hopped on a bus and a train to make it into Boston only to find out that my kickboxing class had been cancelled. I called the gym twice before I left yesterday morning to confirm that the class was still on and they assured me it was. As soon as I got off the train in Boston I got an e-mail notice saying it was cancelled due to the weather. I was not a very happy camper. I only got a three week trial membership to this gym so I could attend these kickboxing classes and they keep getting cancelled. I think I'm going to ask them to give me another week to make up for the classes that were cancelled. It's only fair, right?

I don't understand why everyone is so afraid of a little snow these days? Two inches of snow is cause for breaking news reports. It seems like they start closing things down as soon as the first flakes start flying. We barely had two inches on the ground but they were ready to close up and go home. When I was a kid we had to have blizzard conditions before they would even close the schools, now they seem to shut down for a flurry.

I was really looking forward to getting my ass kicked but I decided to make the best of it so it wasn't a totally wasted trip. I ended up having lunch with my friend and then decided to treat myself to a manicure. I also stopped in to see my jeweler so I could get some ring guards for my rings. I was getting nervous because they were getting so loose but didn't want to have them resized until I lose another 20 pounds or so and get closer to my goal weight. At least my rings are secure now.

They better not cancel my class again on Thursday. I wish people would just suck it up and deal with it. It's nothing new. This is winter in New England. It's going to be cold and there will be snow. UGGHHH!! Maybe I should invest in a punching bag so I can let out some of these steam. At least I've been getting some good workouts shoveling.

Hope you are staying warm and enjoying the beauty of the season.

Let is snow, let it snow, let is snow (but please don't cancel my class ;).